Staring into the abyss of life

[fairybluebell]

I think things have come to a turning point with me. When you are in school your always just looking ahead to getting through the next set of hurdles, mostly just to get to uni. In the first two and a half years o uni you just look to graduation. Now i am staring down the whole entirety of my life in the face. The best way i can describe it is that i have been up until now taking a run up for the giant jump into the abyss of real life. In education your sheltered, you have a purpose, someone pays for your life. now its coming to and end and i have to try to gather enough speed to land where it is i want. I can see the edge i can see the never ending fall if i misjudge the jump. For the first time i am risking my life for real. Honestly i m terrified: what if i cant do it? what if i fail? I have always been such a firm believer that all you have to do is just find the right way and you ll get there all you need is belief and determination. I still believe that but i ve seen so many of my friends fall, well not fall but not achieve their dreams or things have gone not as planned. I read amanda palmers blog today, the post about her wedding to neil gaiman. I know life is not all sunshine and rainbows ever for anyone but to me its all about the experience: the people you know, the places you go, the things you do. I want to have a life as exciting as hers, to know the kind of people she does. I believe i can do it. Unlike many of my friends i am prepared to take risks, to be proactive, to fight for my dreams. It comes so easy to me where as i know self doubt and fear cripple many. I am adaptable, I will land somewhere and i will succeed at something I will find love and excitement. I m very sure I will find what i m looking for its just the teriifying leap i m running towards that scares me soon i m gonna have to jump and feel like there is nothing beneath my feet and pray that i land.
triz x