getting closer to me again
for some reason something is really wrong with me. i'm exhausted all day long. plus i don't eat much. not that i'm losing weight. not to say i want to lose weight. but i still don't feel comfortable being me. i don't mind being alone, but i'm not getting anywhere. i was thinking oh i'm by myself i can finally think and relax. yeah no. i have been paranoid by everything, getting no sleep, and going to work. not that work is hard but when you have old people screaming at you about their perscriptions it's too much. people are changing for the worse. and it this point i don't fucking care. for once i'm worried about myself. usually i'm worried about other people. no not now. something is really wrong with me and i can't figure it out. i want my friends to help me but at the same time i don't. i only want the people who truly care for me to help. if you don't care don't bother. i don't want to waste your time. i've been a listener too long. now it's my turn to get help. so this weekend, i plan on spending time with people who care. my uncle wants to hang out with my cousin and i on saturday then i'm up in camden for a grad party. then my mom's bday party on sunday. it'll be good for me that's for sure.
how i knew something was really wrong:when my stepdad sits next to me and gives me a big hug and asks me are you depressed? i tell him no. he then says well honey i think you are. about what i haven't quite figured out. i'm not sick. i just don't feel like myself. no this is not an attempt to get attention. if i wanted that i would most likely be one of those girls who say oh my! i'm so depressed someone give me attention. or i would pull out the my dad is no longer here i'm depressed. oh hell no. i'll admit once and a while i'm sad about that but i don't flatly say it so everyone feels sorry for me. that's the last thing i want from people. i just want someone to listen and give me a hug. let me lean on someone else for once. not the other way around. alright i need to get some sleep. now i'm going to lay in bed for the next three hours to get some much needed sleep.
how i knew something was really wrong:when my stepdad sits next to me and gives me a big hug and asks me are you depressed? i tell him no. he then says well honey i think you are. about what i haven't quite figured out. i'm not sick. i just don't feel like myself. no this is not an attempt to get attention. if i wanted that i would most likely be one of those girls who say oh my! i'm so depressed someone give me attention. or i would pull out the my dad is no longer here i'm depressed. oh hell no. i'll admit once and a while i'm sad about that but i don't flatly say it so everyone feels sorry for me. that's the last thing i want from people. i just want someone to listen and give me a hug. let me lean on someone else for once. not the other way around. alright i need to get some sleep. now i'm going to lay in bed for the next three hours to get some much needed sleep.