I keep meaning to, I swear...
I hate Facebook but it's so easy.
"Want to pretend you have a connection to your Bay Area friends? Look at your feed. Done? Good. Now you know they had a sandwich for lunch and the weather is balmy. Oh look, one of your local friends invited you to a drag show. You are loved. See? Good."
I'm absolutely sucked in by how easy it is. It fits in my day since I'm frequently going evenings without opening my laptop once I get home; I can check in on my phone and pretend like I am involved.
I video chatted with Josie tonight, it was nice. I like seeing moving faces in real-time and talking like real people. Benjamin figured out a way for me to get back on IRC (which was blocked at my new job) so I have some "real" time with my California people again. That feels pretty good. I may have waited too long to do it, or I may have been too inaccessible when I lived there so the California chapter of my life may need to keep winding down. We'll see how it plays out. I know I wasn't the happiest, shiniest person when I was out there and that I am happier now.
On the subject of 'happy': I am on a new drug to make my brains behave like good brains. I told my psychiatrist I wasn't very excited to try this drug but she wanted to do it anyhow (I think they just go down a list).
This drug has a very bad reputation as far as discontinuation goes so I am extra forgiving of the side effects because I *really* don't want to quit it. So far I'm dealing with the usual- dry mouth, nausea, , headaches, etc but the unusual on this one one really challenge me and damage my calm. The very worst is an earache in my left ear that is so intense that if I didn't have a high tolerance for such things I would probably be crying and downing pain killers. But truthfully, the pain killers, they do nothing and double-plus-ungood, the strongest painkiller I am prescribed (for gallstones) is Tramadol which on my current antidepressant may cause very unpleasant things (death) so my options are limited.
I also have a recurring twitch in my eye, the left again and I've been having really twisted and vivid dreams. I also experienced a strange night of pseudo-insomnia where I was barely conscious and was compelled to keep touching, twirling, and combing my hair with my fingers. That was... "fun".
On the plus side, it is helping my mood. My depression is way down and my anxiety has longer rests before I get an intense attack.
Being on medication for mental health is a long balancing act with many changes to deal with. Some day I'll get to a place where I can walk the tightrope in a way that feels right for me.
This seems quite long for our new Facebooky way of dealing with life updates so I think I'll stop. Next time I want to talk about love, friends, and art. Or at least one of those. I hope you are all well and I plan to upload some photos this week so I can show you and remind myself of what I've been up to.
Chin up, friends, it's almost spring!
"Want to pretend you have a connection to your Bay Area friends? Look at your feed. Done? Good. Now you know they had a sandwich for lunch and the weather is balmy. Oh look, one of your local friends invited you to a drag show. You are loved. See? Good."
I'm absolutely sucked in by how easy it is. It fits in my day since I'm frequently going evenings without opening my laptop once I get home; I can check in on my phone and pretend like I am involved.
I video chatted with Josie tonight, it was nice. I like seeing moving faces in real-time and talking like real people. Benjamin figured out a way for me to get back on IRC (which was blocked at my new job) so I have some "real" time with my California people again. That feels pretty good. I may have waited too long to do it, or I may have been too inaccessible when I lived there so the California chapter of my life may need to keep winding down. We'll see how it plays out. I know I wasn't the happiest, shiniest person when I was out there and that I am happier now.
On the subject of 'happy': I am on a new drug to make my brains behave like good brains. I told my psychiatrist I wasn't very excited to try this drug but she wanted to do it anyhow (I think they just go down a list).
This drug has a very bad reputation as far as discontinuation goes so I am extra forgiving of the side effects because I *really* don't want to quit it. So far I'm dealing with the usual- dry mouth, nausea, , headaches, etc but the unusual on this one one really challenge me and damage my calm. The very worst is an earache in my left ear that is so intense that if I didn't have a high tolerance for such things I would probably be crying and downing pain killers. But truthfully, the pain killers, they do nothing and double-plus-ungood, the strongest painkiller I am prescribed (for gallstones) is Tramadol which on my current antidepressant may cause very unpleasant things (death) so my options are limited.
I also have a recurring twitch in my eye, the left again and I've been having really twisted and vivid dreams. I also experienced a strange night of pseudo-insomnia where I was barely conscious and was compelled to keep touching, twirling, and combing my hair with my fingers. That was... "fun".
On the plus side, it is helping my mood. My depression is way down and my anxiety has longer rests before I get an intense attack.
Being on medication for mental health is a long balancing act with many changes to deal with. Some day I'll get to a place where I can walk the tightrope in a way that feels right for me.
This seems quite long for our new Facebooky way of dealing with life updates so I think I'll stop. Next time I want to talk about love, friends, and art. Or at least one of those. I hope you are all well and I plan to upload some photos this week so I can show you and remind myself of what I've been up to.
Chin up, friends, it's almost spring!