false future
For as long as I can remember I thought I'd never really have a future. I never made plans, I never had goals. I didn't care, and I still seem to not give a shit about anything. This scares me, never having hope. I try hanging on by a thread for a family member, or treating as though nothing is wrong or all too wrong and that I'm okay with that. People around me, their lives are constantly changing. For better or for worse. It's moving forward though, which is something I have yet to even break the ice on. I look at the facts. I have 3 DUIs now and I'm stuck. I'm only stuck because I feared failing and now that I have so bad, trying is just that much harder. I don't know what's going to happen, I have no idea. I do know that that I want something to happen. I don't want to hate myself forever. I don't want to feel like I am the only person on the planet that can tell people to try, and work hard and it'll come and then not follow my own advice. I have realized though that I cannot do it alone. Hopefully help from myself and help from others is on the way. I don't want to waste my life away.