its possible i have a drinking problem....now after 3 duis!!!
fuck that. fuckkkk all that shit. i don't suck. i do no belong in that prison area shit. whatever the fuck i have that holds me back i hope i eat it in the next 5 months. eat it up real fuckin good. because then ill realize how good ive had it all this fucking time. because everything is so fucked up in my head. EVERYTHING. my entire last 5 years has been the biggest waste of time. who the fuck am i to judge or understand or comprehend with anybody...im not, i a fucking nobody who didn't do shit, hasn't and prolly fuckin won't. im tired of people telling me im smart, cause smart has nothing to do with it at this fucking point right now. people are livin, laughin, smilin, hating, dying, being whatever the fuck. and im sick and tired of watching it. i want to be apart of it. i want to really fucking live it. i analyze and analyze and analyze people who actually fucking live their goddamn fucking lives. im so tired. im so fucking tired of caring.of acting like i don't care and caring. of caring and not really caring. of existing. of having nothing. of being afraid of help. im tired of being afraid of not being the sarcastic bitch that makes me feel better. im tired of looking at facebook and seeing shit that makes me stupid. im not fucking stupid. what the fuck am i doing. why the fuck am i still here? what the fuck is the stupid fucking point. jesus christ. seriously? grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. arg. so i will run until my feet don't touch the ground and as the waves carry me out keep listening. alcohol evaluation tomorrow at 10. fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck my fuuuuuuuuuckin life. steve nelson is my hero. woohooooooofuckin hoooooo. i could be a good daughter, a good sister, a good friend...but i was wasting time not, still am. stilll fucking ammmm. self centered, doing what i do. canton might be my enemy, but who the fuck is my friend? im reality based. im my own reality in a dream world. im a disappoinment and a failure. and im a amanda. and im nothing. and feel nothing. and when im feeling nothing, im feeling worse than that. what the fuck man. what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck. what a waste of fucking timmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmme i ammmmmmmmmmmmm. im an excuse to suck. don't ever be that obvious. its a terrible excuse lemme tell you. i don't want to be amanda anymore.