(no subject)
netflix is changing my life, but I'm not sure for the better. Last night I watched like 25 hours of instant play reality shows. jigga? As well as the 1961 movie version of Splendor in the Grass. I think MHS did a better job. I don't remember that show being so...provocative? Ginny pretty much got gangbanged, which didn't happen in our version, lol.
Anyway I have like one day left to work on my portfolio. This is sort of rediculous but I am trying to design Peter Pan just so I can put it in. This might be a waste of time or it might be the best thing I do, I dont know. I'm not sure when or how this happened, but I have suddenly run out of time. Its terrifying.
you know, I've been thinking. I am puting way too much pressure on myself. I need to be OK if this doesnt work out.
One time a long time ago I decided I wanted to be a fashion designer. And I looked at myself and I said, you know what, I need to learn how to sew. So I started doing this little stuff and these little projects and I took a class and this and that. And I always thought of myself as someone who was "learning how to sew." and then one day I was filling out a resume or application or something, and it asked if you knew how to sew. And my mom was there and I looked at her and I said "oh, but I have to know how to sew..." and she looked at me with this face, like this look that just said what is wrong with you? and she goes "you DO know how to sew." and it sort of dawned on me that she was right. I wasn't a person trying to learn how to sew anymore; I was a person who knew how to sew!
And somehow, in this crazy journey I've put myself through trying to "get into Yale," I have to step back and ask myself why? Why have I put so much pressure on myself? why do I feel like I need to do this? and the answer: I am trying to learn how to be a costume designer.
And Kate turns to me the other day and says, "Mira, you are doing it. You aren't just trying to be a costume designer, you ARE a costume designer." And I had like this crazy moment where I realized that she was right. Somehow, in my trying so hard to prepare myself for round 2 of applying to graduate school, I overstepped myself somehow. I AM a costume designer. I'm not a girl trying to be a costume designer anymore. And yes, Yale would certainly help my career, but you know what? If I don't get in, I will be upset, but I know that it is just one option, just one of many paths my life could take. I have already done more than I thought possible, and there are plenty of other ways to advance my career. (but those people are nut bags if they don't take me, because I am kick ass.)
Anyway I have like one day left to work on my portfolio. This is sort of rediculous but I am trying to design Peter Pan just so I can put it in. This might be a waste of time or it might be the best thing I do, I dont know. I'm not sure when or how this happened, but I have suddenly run out of time. Its terrifying.
you know, I've been thinking. I am puting way too much pressure on myself. I need to be OK if this doesnt work out.
One time a long time ago I decided I wanted to be a fashion designer. And I looked at myself and I said, you know what, I need to learn how to sew. So I started doing this little stuff and these little projects and I took a class and this and that. And I always thought of myself as someone who was "learning how to sew." and then one day I was filling out a resume or application or something, and it asked if you knew how to sew. And my mom was there and I looked at her and I said "oh, but I have to know how to sew..." and she looked at me with this face, like this look that just said what is wrong with you? and she goes "you DO know how to sew." and it sort of dawned on me that she was right. I wasn't a person trying to learn how to sew anymore; I was a person who knew how to sew!
And somehow, in this crazy journey I've put myself through trying to "get into Yale," I have to step back and ask myself why? Why have I put so much pressure on myself? why do I feel like I need to do this? and the answer: I am trying to learn how to be a costume designer.
And Kate turns to me the other day and says, "Mira, you are doing it. You aren't just trying to be a costume designer, you ARE a costume designer." And I had like this crazy moment where I realized that she was right. Somehow, in my trying so hard to prepare myself for round 2 of applying to graduate school, I overstepped myself somehow. I AM a costume designer. I'm not a girl trying to be a costume designer anymore. And yes, Yale would certainly help my career, but you know what? If I don't get in, I will be upset, but I know that it is just one option, just one of many paths my life could take. I have already done more than I thought possible, and there are plenty of other ways to advance my career. (but those people are nut bags if they don't take me, because I am kick ass.)