Just Breathe
September 11, 2012.
I wish I could just move to say....Austin....San Antonio.....Dallas....California....anywhere. I want to leave that part of the past behind and never have to visit it again. I want her to forget him and me. I want a new start without her constant prescene interrupting everything and making some problem.
I want to forget.
I have too many mixed feelings about her that I really don't want to visit. Especially now.
The good side.
I want to forgive, forget about everything she put us through. and move on.
The bad side.
I don't want to talk to her again. I don't want to visit her again. I don't want anything to do with her ever again.
I feel that that is fair. I don't want to act as though everything is fine between us and go back to "normal". It won't happen. EVER. and I am completely ok with that. I don't want her to even contact Jonas. I don't want him subject to her anymore.
But i can't split him from his family.
Though I don't see why I can't. His brother doesn't care about him. He only wants to boss him around. His mother only wants him to do her work for her. Take her kids to school for her, pick them up. Go to the store. the list goes on.
Why can't he cut them off and say you know what? I don't want to be around you anymore. I don't want to keep going through this stupid cycle and mood swings.
I'm good at cutting people off. Sure you think about them in the beginning. But not after a while. You change, you forget and you move on. The person is forgotten and it just becomes some story in the past.
Isn't that what a past is?
Not with family though huh?
Family is supposed to be forever.
But I'd have to disagree with that.
Family. Is supposed to be those who care about you. Who look after you. And want to help you. Family is supposed to be the people who you can always look back to and know they'll be there. They fight. But they don't make you feel dumb. They don't treat you like someone who is just an errand person or a baby sitter. They're supposed to be the people who love you.
I know my family will always be there. I know mine care about me. I don't think his do. His dad yes. His brother no. His mother no.
The two girls fall out of this only because they're still little. They do love him. But they treat him with respect of a brother. They treat him like they're mother does. And that isn't love. that's mean.
No. I don't think I'll reply to her.
I don't think I'll give in to her this time.
I'm tired of being the nice guy.
She wants to know how I "truly am". Then she'll find out now.
I wish I could just move to say....Austin....San Antonio.....Dallas....California....anywhere. I want to leave that part of the past behind and never have to visit it again. I want her to forget him and me. I want a new start without her constant prescene interrupting everything and making some problem.
I want to forget.
I have too many mixed feelings about her that I really don't want to visit. Especially now.
The good side.
I want to forgive, forget about everything she put us through. and move on.
The bad side.
I don't want to talk to her again. I don't want to visit her again. I don't want anything to do with her ever again.
I feel that that is fair. I don't want to act as though everything is fine between us and go back to "normal". It won't happen. EVER. and I am completely ok with that. I don't want her to even contact Jonas. I don't want him subject to her anymore.
But i can't split him from his family.
Though I don't see why I can't. His brother doesn't care about him. He only wants to boss him around. His mother only wants him to do her work for her. Take her kids to school for her, pick them up. Go to the store. the list goes on.
Why can't he cut them off and say you know what? I don't want to be around you anymore. I don't want to keep going through this stupid cycle and mood swings.
I'm good at cutting people off. Sure you think about them in the beginning. But not after a while. You change, you forget and you move on. The person is forgotten and it just becomes some story in the past.
Isn't that what a past is?
Not with family though huh?
Family is supposed to be forever.
But I'd have to disagree with that.
Family. Is supposed to be those who care about you. Who look after you. And want to help you. Family is supposed to be the people who you can always look back to and know they'll be there. They fight. But they don't make you feel dumb. They don't treat you like someone who is just an errand person or a baby sitter. They're supposed to be the people who love you.
I know my family will always be there. I know mine care about me. I don't think his do. His dad yes. His brother no. His mother no.
The two girls fall out of this only because they're still little. They do love him. But they treat him with respect of a brother. They treat him like they're mother does. And that isn't love. that's mean.
No. I don't think I'll reply to her.
I don't think I'll give in to her this time.
I'm tired of being the nice guy.
She wants to know how I "truly am". Then she'll find out now.