Journal
Defeated, straight-up defeated is how I feel today. I don’t turn Steve on and I don’t think that I can. I get sad and he gets mad. Last night he was screaming in my face because I was sad. Ummm what? I'm not trying to be manipulative or dramatic, I'm just fucking sad. So fucking sad. I drank a bit last night and that won't happen again as I have to regain control. On the up days, I think that I have but then on the down days, I obviously have not. I don't have the support system here that I was hoping to and that's no one's fault, people are just busy. And I have plenty of phone support and virtual help but I just want a hug. A good long, strong hug to pull all of the pieces together so maybe they will stick.