(no subject)
This is the first time in a long time, since Nate left, that I feel completely lost. Everytime I think I have it all under control I find that I don't. Nothing seems right, right now. Nothing is black or white and at the same time I see no shades of gray nor do I see colour. Is that even possible? I've been having fantasies (I'm amazed I still have them) of Nate riding in on a horse and saving me from all of this (just to be in his chaos). Been awhile since I thought of Nate in that nature. I guess I can't completely forget him. Why not. It was so long ago. Those times are gone. But this is also the first in a long time where a relationship fuck up actually brought him back to the for front. I can't believe I still cry about him. This is crazy!
I'm still having issues with Chris and the money I loaned him. I swear I will never do this again for any damn body. I kept him from going to jail and yet he can't come up with some money to give me. i'm not asking for all of it all at once. A few dollars a week will do. Every time he's supposed to pay he says his source fell through and to give him a couple of days. And a couple of more days and a couple more days. This is tiring. I just want him out of my life. Why won't he let me go? He knows I'm not leaving my money behind. And I know Dani wants me to chalk it up to charity, but I can't. I work too hard for the money I gave him. I can't just give it to him. I can't.
I'm still having issues with Chris and the money I loaned him. I swear I will never do this again for any damn body. I kept him from going to jail and yet he can't come up with some money to give me. i'm not asking for all of it all at once. A few dollars a week will do. Every time he's supposed to pay he says his source fell through and to give him a couple of days. And a couple of more days and a couple more days. This is tiring. I just want him out of my life. Why won't he let me go? He knows I'm not leaving my money behind. And I know Dani wants me to chalk it up to charity, but I can't. I work too hard for the money I gave him. I can't just give it to him. I can't.