(no subject)
So what to do when you have a bf that acts like he doesn't want to be with you but tells you he wants to be with you. And when you tell him to just break up with you if he doesn't want to be with you, he won't break up with you (aka leave me the hell alone). And you want to break up with him because of his recent strange behaviour, but don't really want to because you are crazy about him but know there's something going on that he's just not telling you. And you try to sit down and talk to him, he just avoids you all together and does not communicate with you. But you know it's because it's something he can't tell you because it will affect your life. And then you feel like your putting pressure on him and you don't mean to. Hell this is just too much. It's just easier to drop him. But it hurts me so. I haven't felt anything like this since Nate and it was nice I guess while I had it. I know I'm too good to him and too good for him. I miss him when he's not around, when I don't talk to him. When he's not touching me. When he's not making me laugh. When I can't make him laugh through a bad day. This is insanity (doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results). Gawd dammit I'm on stuck again. I don't want to lie in bed all day every day for months. I can't do that again. Then on top of that, I'm pissed at myself bc I said I would never let another asshole in my life and here we go again. Viscious cycle to begin again. Maybe I need to sit down and write a poem. I might.