So, what comes next?
So, something very weird has been going on for the past few days. I've been organized. I've been cleaning my room for no reason other than I like it being clean. I've been organizing my assignments and doing them before the day they are due. I've been sorting through my clothes and throwing away the stuff that looks bad on me or doesn't fit, or that I just don't wear. I have a purse that I USE. I've been wearing makeup. I have a boyfriend. I haven't been overly cranky. I've actually done stuff for amnesty. I even like my life.
There is nothing in my life that I don't like right now. I'm stronger in my faith right now than I have been since this summer, and I finally feel like I can be the person God created me to be. Mom says I'm reverting to my original nature. She says that when I was little, I was very feminine and organized. I liked everything just so, and I needed all of the details to be perfect. I'm back to that. And I like it.
I just feel like I all of a sudden popped out of puberty. I have just hit my stride. I'm not an extrovert because I no longer feel the need to grab everyone's attention all of the time. But I'm not an introvert either, I like myself, but I like being around people too. I feel stable and comfortable, like I'm over the hump and from here on, while it won't be easy, I know who I am.
I don't even really feel the need to be over individualistic anymore. I am me, and I am an individual, so it's okay if I conform every once in a while. That doesn't change anything. No one defines me but me. And I'm not worried about my future any more. I think that I kept needing a life plan because nothing was stable in my present life. So now that the present is stable, I don't feel the need to predict my future. All I need to know is that I'll do whatever God calls me to. That'll be enough.
I figured some of this out a while ago, but the mass of it hit this afternoon. I guess that the conscious ppart started on Christmas, but it's been starting since camp.
So here I am. And I'm happy about it.
There is nothing in my life that I don't like right now. I'm stronger in my faith right now than I have been since this summer, and I finally feel like I can be the person God created me to be. Mom says I'm reverting to my original nature. She says that when I was little, I was very feminine and organized. I liked everything just so, and I needed all of the details to be perfect. I'm back to that. And I like it.
I just feel like I all of a sudden popped out of puberty. I have just hit my stride. I'm not an extrovert because I no longer feel the need to grab everyone's attention all of the time. But I'm not an introvert either, I like myself, but I like being around people too. I feel stable and comfortable, like I'm over the hump and from here on, while it won't be easy, I know who I am.
I don't even really feel the need to be over individualistic anymore. I am me, and I am an individual, so it's okay if I conform every once in a while. That doesn't change anything. No one defines me but me. And I'm not worried about my future any more. I think that I kept needing a life plan because nothing was stable in my present life. So now that the present is stable, I don't feel the need to predict my future. All I need to know is that I'll do whatever God calls me to. That'll be enough.
I figured some of this out a while ago, but the mass of it hit this afternoon. I guess that the conscious ppart started on Christmas, but it's been starting since camp.
So here I am. And I'm happy about it.