(es)chewing the fat
When did the Pinoy custom of greeting someone you haven't seen in quite a while with "Saan ka papunta?" or "Kumain ka na?" get replaced with "Tumaba ka, ah." or "Ang taba mo ngayon."
I've been puzzling over this with my friends P, R, and J for several days already. Two of them came home (for vacation) from studying abroad and the people who've seen them kept on remarking on how they've put on weight. I'm very sure they really traveled back all this way just so they could hear that delightful piece of news.
Last Saturday, I saw someone whom I hadn't seen for several weeks and the first thing she said was, "Taba mo."
I was actually feeling good that day, and thought I looked quite spiffy in the white shirt I was wearing for the first time. And she just managed to ruin my mood with that very thoughtful remark. Okay, maybe she didn't know that I used to have a major problem with my weight and that hearing that I've gotten fat is never welcome. Still, I was pissed, and told her, "Tang**a, kailan pa ba nauso na gawin pambati yan?"
She obviously did not get that she had actually offended me and even added, "Hindi nga, seryoso." And I felt even more terrible. Okay, so she isn't at all ugly, and she is thin. So make me feel like a fat cow, why don't you?
R, when I had asked him several days ago about this social behavior, actually tried coming up with an explanation. He said that it's probabaly a Pinoy way of establishing a feeling of familiarity, closeness, and community. What they're actually trying to say is: Hey, you are my friend and so I say this ugly, mean, horrible, wicked thing (since I don't have enough EQ to be aware that it is potentially offensive) just to let you know that I care enough to actually pay attention when there are changes happening to your body.
However, yesterday, before J and I dropped him and P off at Metrowalk, we again got to talking about it in the car, since R mentioned that people have once again been saying that he's fat. J said that people who say such things are stupid and rude, and I reminded R about what he had told me. He responded, "I just said that to try to make myself feel better."
When they got out of the car, J turned to me and said, "See, it doesn't matter if you try to explain that behavior in fancy words. There's just no accounting for rude and stupid."
I've been puzzling over this with my friends P, R, and J for several days already. Two of them came home (for vacation) from studying abroad and the people who've seen them kept on remarking on how they've put on weight. I'm very sure they really traveled back all this way just so they could hear that delightful piece of news.
Last Saturday, I saw someone whom I hadn't seen for several weeks and the first thing she said was, "Taba mo."
I was actually feeling good that day, and thought I looked quite spiffy in the white shirt I was wearing for the first time. And she just managed to ruin my mood with that very thoughtful remark. Okay, maybe she didn't know that I used to have a major problem with my weight and that hearing that I've gotten fat is never welcome. Still, I was pissed, and told her, "Tang**a, kailan pa ba nauso na gawin pambati yan?"
She obviously did not get that she had actually offended me and even added, "Hindi nga, seryoso." And I felt even more terrible. Okay, so she isn't at all ugly, and she is thin. So make me feel like a fat cow, why don't you?
R, when I had asked him several days ago about this social behavior, actually tried coming up with an explanation. He said that it's probabaly a Pinoy way of establishing a feeling of familiarity, closeness, and community. What they're actually trying to say is: Hey, you are my friend and so I say this ugly, mean, horrible, wicked thing (since I don't have enough EQ to be aware that it is potentially offensive) just to let you know that I care enough to actually pay attention when there are changes happening to your body.
However, yesterday, before J and I dropped him and P off at Metrowalk, we again got to talking about it in the car, since R mentioned that people have once again been saying that he's fat. J said that people who say such things are stupid and rude, and I reminded R about what he had told me. He responded, "I just said that to try to make myself feel better."
When they got out of the car, J turned to me and said, "See, it doesn't matter if you try to explain that behavior in fancy words. There's just no accounting for rude and stupid."