swallowed in the sea, 13/??
chapter thirteen.
‘Sure, Regulus,’ James said to himself, ‘why don’t we meet at eight o’clock in the bloody morning to get soaked?’
He was standing underneath a gutter, trying to not get hit by the rain that was falling out of the sky in phenomenal quantities.
'Oh, and by the by,' James added, 'it's totally all right if you show up twenty minutes late. It's not like I enjoy my night's rest anyway.'
'That's good to know,' Regulus said, as he was suddenly standing to James's right. 'Inside?'
He motioned at the diner they were standing in front of.
'Is it safe?'
'This is Ottery St Catchpole,' Regulus said incredulously. 'Of course it is.'
They went in and sat down in an empty booth, after gesturing to the waitress that they wanted two coffees.
'Strangely,' James said, 'I always saw you as a tea kind of man.'
'I am,' Regulus told him. 'Have you tried it here, though? It's worse than the coffee, tastes just like piss.'
'I see.'
'Sirius not here?' Regulus asked while taking off his hat and coat.
'No,' James said and smiled at the waitress for levitating the two cups right in front of them. 'The rehabilitation exercises are wiping him out. He's been knackered all week, I didn't have the heart to wake him.'
'How are those coming along? The exercises?'
'He still doesn't have any feeling in his legs, but the Healers say his muscles are getting back into shape, so I guess that's something,' James answered.
Regulus nodded as he took a sip of coffee and winced.
'So what have you got for me?'
'Not much,' Regulus answered truthfully. 'Bellatrix has been busy trying to contact Death Eaters she knows of. Rodolphus has been tying up other loose ends.'
'How?'
'Did you hear about the fire in Edinburgh, the old slaughter that got burned down?'
'Yeah,' James answered, remembering what he'd read in the Daily Prophet, 'it was abandoned, right? The Aurors think it was just some Muggle kids trying to have some delinquent fun.'
'Not exactly. It was the Scotland headquarters. Lots of torturing and planning went on there.'
'There was a Scotland headquarters?' James asked incredulously.
'And one in Wales and one in Ireland,' Regulus said and shrugged. 'I think there's one in Italy and in France too, but none of the Lestranges have mentioned it yet.'
'Are there any more addresses that would do us any good?'
'Yes,' Regulus answered as he stealthily took out a tiny piece of parchment from his pocket and slid it towards James over the table. 'This is a pharmacy in a Muggle area in Tralee, Ireland. Underneath is a laboratory which was used to create new spells and potions.'
'Interesting.'
'What's more,' Regulus said in a low voice and he glanced around to see if anyone was eavesdropping, 'it's still in use. Rodolphus wants to go over there tomorrow and take all the Death Eaters with him. An explosion will follow, possibly killing about a dozen Muggles which will afterwards be explained as a gas leak. Feed this info to the Order and you'll have about nine Death Eaters in custody.'
James couldn't believe what he was hearing. An active laboratory. He thought the Death Eaters had stopped their research after Voldemort's fall.
'I will, no doubt,' James told Regulus, 'but if we do charge in, they'll know it was you. I don't think Rodolphus will have informed many people about this.'
'He hasn't,' Regulus admitted. 'The only ones who know are Bella, Rabastan, me and Rodolphus himself.'
'We can't cover this up.' James sighed.
'Luckily, I've thought of that.' Regulus grinned. 'I remember having been there once, in the early days. A few houses from the pharmacy is the home of an old, creepy wizard called Hephaestus. He's not a dark wizard, but he could easily be mistaken for one. He was a family friend until my parents found out he was part Muggle. I called in a favour. Tomorrow morning, he'll practice a bit magic in front of some Muggles. They will, of course, warn the police. You're a man of the law, James, you know what'll happen.'
'Of course, the head of police will have to warn the Ministry and they will send out a team to-'
James stopped abruptly as Regulus's plan dawned on him. '-to investigate the neighbourhood. That's smart.'
'I know.'
'They can't trace this Hephaestus back to your family? Doesn't Bellatrix know?'
'They can, but they won't.' Regulus finished his coffee and put on his coat and hat. 'Bella believes I'm just as rotten as she is, she won't stop to think I might still be in touch with him. She believes I despise him as much as she does.'
'Good thinking,' James said. 'I will contact the Order around noon, which will give you the time to get as far away from us as you can and think up a story of what you did all morning.'
'I've got my story straight, but I do appreciate that you'll wait,' Regulus said while getting up.
'I want to know more about Elphias's death,' James said. He needed to know more, he still could not believe Elphias Doge had been a spy.
'You will, in due time,' Regulus said. 'Don't forget to wipe the waitress's memory.'
'Of course, Regulus,' James muttered to himself as he watched him leave. 'I don't mind at all.'
*
James got home fairly happy. The rain had stopped, the sun had come out and he'd been one of the few people awake to see it. It might be a glorious day.
'Lily?' he called out as he got home. 'Lily, you around?'
He dropped his keys on the dinner table and noticed a tiny piece of paper saying:
James, will be home by dinner. Was invited over by Molly Weasley. Am taking Harry.
Love, Lils
The first thing that flashed through James's mind was: "Men's day". This was going to be the most glorious day of all.
'Sirius?' he yelled, excitement brewing in his stomach as he went trudging through the rooms of the apartment, looking for his friend. 'Sirius, get ready for a whole day of just us, men. I'm putting the butterbeers-'
James choked on his words as he walked into the bathroom. He'd seen many things - in school, in the war - but very few things had scared him as much as what he saw now.
His best friend, Sirius Black, curled up in a ball on the bathroom floor with his legs at odd angles, hands grasping his hair so tightly it seemed he was trying to pull it out. He started as James suddenly walked in. His face was wet and his voice hoarse and raspy when he spoke.
'I'm-' Sirius cleared his throat and licked his lips, clearly looking for a way to explain. 'I fell. I fell. I - er - I was-'
'It's okay,' James said, knowing pretty well it wasn't. He bent over, put his arms round Sirius's chest and heaved him back into his chair.
'No, I was reaching for it-' Sirius said, stretching his arm towards a hairbrush next to the sink. 'And then I lost - lost my balance and couldn't - because my wand was stuck - I. See?'
James gave him a small smile as he looked at the wand Sirius used as a poker to manoeuvre the wheelchair around, but it faded quickly. He knew Sirius hadn't used a hairbrush since their second year. He had always said he was too lazy to go through the trouble when he could just use a spell and, more importantly, Remus had always liked his hair a little messy.
James sighed. 'Yeah,' he said, hoping it sounded encouraging. 'Listen, why don't you freshen up a bit and I'll make us a cuppa. Or d'you want me to stay and help?'
'No,' Sirius said and swallowed. 'No, I'll be fine.'
'Sure,' James said and left the bathroom. He felt slightly panicked. He knew that something more had happened than just Sirius falling out of his chair and that it needed to be talked about.
But how? How do you strike up a conversation like that, without scaring or angering Sirius?
James sighed again and decided to ask the one person who'd be able to do just that. He took some powder from the mantle, threw it in the fire and called, 'The Burrow.'
A living room swam into view. He could see Harry and Ron playing with Harry's plush Quidditch set that he'd got from Sirius last Christmas. Lily and Molly were sitting nearby, having a cup of tea and watching their sons with admiration.
'Lily?' he asked softly.
His wife looked up and dove towards the fireplace immediately.
'James! Are you all right?' she asked worriedly. 'Is something wrong?'
'Not really,' he said, smiling sadly. 'I'm fine, but something's going on with Sirius and I - I'm not sure how to handle it. Would you-?'
'I'll come right home,' Lily said, smiling back.
'Thanks,' he said, hoping the fire would show how grateful he was. 'Sorry, Molly.'
'That's no problem, dear,' she called back. 'I can keep Harry here, in the meantime. If you want?'
'That'd be great.' James gave another smile as the fire extinguished, then hastily went into the kitchen before Sirius would realise what he'd done.
He was glad Lily was coming back. It made him feel a little more certain that everything would be okay. She was so good at saying exactly what you needed to hear at exactly the right time. James most certainly wasn't - in fact, James couldn't remember a single serious conversation he hadn't messed up - and he felt this topic was too sensitive for him to put his foot in.
He'd just finished making tea when Sirius wheeled into the living room.
'You're going to want to talk about this, aren't you?' he asked, while switching on the telly.
'You're not, clearly,' James said as he levitated a cup towards his friend.
'No, I-'
'Sorry,' a voice yelled from the front door. 'Don't let me interrupt your - what is it?' Lily looked up at them as if she hadn't the faintest idea of what was going on. James wanted to kiss her.
'You asked her to come over, didn't you?' Sirius asked James, and he could swear he sounded slightly amused - even though his expression gave away nothing.
'What? Pads, no,' James said, as convincingly as he could.
'What? Why would he?' Lily chimed in. 'I forgot Harry's Snitch. No fun playing Quidditch without it.'
Sirius kept staring at her, clearly not believing a word she said.
'Oh, all right,' she said eventually, throwing her arms in the air. 'He asked me to come over, but I don't know anything.'
Sirius clicked his tongue, a look of satisfaction on his face.
'Am I really such a bad liar?' Lily asked, with cheeky smile.
'No, you're not,' Sirius said, returning it. He pointed at James. 'He is.'
'What?' James called. 'I didn't even say anything!'
'The way you kept staring at my right ear told me all I needed to know,' Sirius said flatly.
'Oh, you noticed too, have you?' Lily asked. 'He thinks we can't tell, but-'
'Excuse me, if you're all done making fun of me,' James said, trying to be angry, but he stopped talking when he saw the looks on their faces.
Lily burst out laughing first and, for a moment, James thought it seemed as if nothing was wrong at all. But then everything fell silent and everyone turned to stare at something, as if to avoid conversation. Sirius was watching the telly, though James could tell he wasn't taking any of the images in. Lily stared at her feet, a bit uneasy, as if waiting for an invitation to sit at the table as well.
In the end, Sirius sighed heavily and turned off the television with a flick of his wand. 'It's - I can't-'
To James, it seemed he couldn't find the right words for what he wanted to say. In the end, his friend just rubbed his eyes and sighed again.
Lily gave him a compassionate look and said, rather carefully, 'You miss Remus.'
James frowned at her, wondering how she got to that from a few stammered words, but he saw at once that she'd drawn the right conclusion.
Sirius's breathing turned ragged as he gave her a quick glance with glassy eyes. He looked around frantically, trying to find a way to hide his tears.
'I don't-' he started, shaking his head softly. 'I've been trying to make sense of it all, ever since - and I can't. I really, really can't.'
'Sirius,' James said, trying not to sound as if he pitied him.
'I don't understand,' Sirius said, stressing every word as he suppressed his anger and sadness, 'what could be more important than this. Now. Being with me. I've been asking myself that every single day and I can't see - if it were me, I-'
He stopped talking and closed his eyes, making two fresh tears slide down his cheeks. He took a deep breath before speaking again. ‘It's been nearly a year since I had a decent conversation with him. A year. Doesn't matter if I was unconscious for half of it, it feels like one anyway. It feels longer, even.'
Sirius let out a mirthless laugh. 'I've been trying to stay strong and cope with it all. But it's been months and I'm still in this fucking wheelchair and people are still getting killed and Remus still hasn't come back. And I just can't - I can't keep bloody wondering if he's still alive, or if he's left permanently, or if it's something I said to piss him off, because if it's my bloody fault, I at least want to apologise.'
Sirius slammed the table so hard, the teacups jumped a little and made a rattling sound. He wiped his cheeks with the back of his hand and cleared his throat. 'I've tried, you wouldn't believe - It's wearing me out and I can't keep doing it. I can't go through this alone.'
'Sirius,' Lily said understandingly, taking his hand in hers, 'the exact point of you living with us is that you don't have to do anything alone, not unless you really want to.'
'I know,' he said quietly, 'that you're here for me and you've helped me in every way you could. But I still feel alone, Lily. You can't help me with this.'
James - who'd stayed quiet all this time simply because he didn't trust himself to say anything - opened his mouth to speak even though he didn't really know what to say, but a short rap on the door drew his attention. The silence hung heavily in the air, no one moved.
Another short knock.
James eyed Sirius and Lily, who were staring at him apprehensively, but made for the door anyway. He wondered who it might be. The Order members almost always contacted them through the fire before stopping by. Even Dumbledore usually sent owls in advance.
The only other option he could come up with was Regulus Black, but somehow, James doubted if he was careless enough to call on them with Lily in the room. Surely he would take some precautions.
He was already scolding Regulus in his mind as he walked over. Ready to yell all kinds of insults at him, James opened the door. But his eyes widened in shock and his mouth hung open slightly as he stared into the face of someone he hadn't even known was still alive.
'Hello,' Remus Lupin said, as he stood in the corridor, nervously fumbling with the jacket he was holding in his hands. 'I'm - I'm still welcome, am I?'