swallowed in the sea, 9/??
chapter nine.
James yawned and stretched. His back was sore from sleeping in a plastic hospital chair that seemed to have been designed to create more patients. James swore and ran a hand over his face.
He'd been sitting by Sirius's bed for nearly two days, now. Moody had sent word yesterday, he'd sent over Hestia who confirmed that they had indeed found traces of an anaesthetic in his medicine.
James didn't remember what kind of anaesthetic it was, he didn't remember much of what had happened after he'd been told. He'd been so ecstatic and he'd been trying to contact Remus, but he had no idea how, so in the end, all he'd really done was run around St Mungo's thinking about where he could've gone to and asking Lily if she'd any idea over and over and over.
Lily, who'd been amused the first twenty times he'd asked, had got sick and tired of it and told James she was going home. James couldn't blame her, Harry had been with the Weasleys long enough and she'd hardly slept ever since they'd got out of Godric's Hollow. She deserved some peace and quiet.
And so did he. He sighed and rolled his head in an attempt to relieve some of the pain in his neck. James felt kind of silly for believing that, once they'd discovered that he had been drugged, Sirius would wake up instantly. Forty-five hours had passed and Sirius hadn't as much as stirred.
What if Sarah had been right? What if Sirius really did need those medicines and they'd now only brought him closer to death, instead of further away?
He wished Lily would come back and bring Harry with her. He could really do with some company right now. James's eyes widened slightly when he realised that he'd only just been sitting here, whereas Remus has had to live with this silence for much longer.
He shook his head, hoping that it would make the sad thoughts bounce out of it. He pulled one knee up on the chair, hugged it and tried to get some more sleep.
*
When James woke the next morning, with a neck that was even sorer than his back, it took a while for him to register what exactly was going on.
He squinted against the bright sunlight that was falling right on his face, through the open window.
'Look who's awake.' James heard a familiar voice. 'It's daddy.'
'Lily?' James asked while rubbing his eyes.
'With coffee,' she replied. 'Isn't that how you like me best?'
'I could probably still think of a few other ways I like you, but it's too early in the morning for that,' James said and took a sip from the paper cup she'd handed him. He looked at Harry. 'And there are babies around.'
'Since when does early in the morning stop you?' Lily asked with a naughty smile.
'Since there are babies around.' James laughed. 'I'm glad you're here.'
'Me too.' Lily handed Harry over. 'He's missed you.'
'Not as much as I've missed him,' James told her. He bounced Harry on his knees, who started laughing very loudly. 'I want him to grow up knowing Sirius, Lily.'
'He will, love,' Lily said with a smile as she rubbed his back. 'He will.'
Suddenly, four Healers came bursting in, holding their wands out before them and talking excitedly amongst each other.
'What's going on?' James asked worriedly. 'Is something wrong?'
None of the Healers reacted. They ignored James with a professional ease and started prodding Sirius with their wands, as they were still whispering amongst each other.
James handed Harry back over to Lily and got up, trying to overhear what exactly they were talking about.
'What's happening?' James asked again, louder this time. 'Is something wrong with Sirius?'
The Healers - none of which James recognised - stopped their actions abruptly. All four of them stared at him.
'Is he okay?' James asked, and he vehemently wished he didn't sound that desperate and vulnerable. 'Nothing's wrong, is there?'
The four - extremely young girls, James noticed - exchanged shifty glances and then one of them decided to speak up. She had hair of an indefinable colour, bright blue eyes and a very pale skin. She spoke hesitantly and slowly, and James even thought she was blushing.
'Well,' she started, 'we're not supposed to tell you but - You're James Potter and all…'
She stopped talking, her eyes widened and she turned as red as a beetroot.
Lily cleared her throat loudly. 'I think you were going to tell my husband and me about our friend Sirius. We are very worried.'
The blue-eyed girl glared at Lily, but continued nonetheless.
'We've discovered increased brain activity,' she said as she nodded her head at Sirius.
'That's a good sign, right?' James asked immediately.
'A very good sign,' one of the other Healers said with a smile.
'Is he going to wake up?' James asked again, even though he wasn't sure if he wanted to know the answer.
The Healers exchanged glances again and the blue-eyed girl answered with a sigh. 'He might. We'll have to wait and see.'
*
It was the middle of the night and James was so tired he could barely stand, but he couldn't sleep. He was sitting by Sirius's bedside, holding his hand and resting his head on the small space next so Sirius's body with his eyes closed, hoping to fall asleep.
But sleep wouldn't come. All he could think about was the fact that Sirius might wake up. That Sirius might wake up and he would be there. That Sirius might wake up and Remus wouldn't.
After the Healers had left the room, he'd immediately run off to the Hospital Owlery and had sent out five owls with the same message:
Sirius might wake up soon.
Come back.
Please.
Prongs
So far, three of them had come back without finding Remus. James hoped one of the other two would find him and bring him back.
James sighed heavily, eyes still closed. He wished Lily and Harry hadn't had to go back home, but Harry needed sleep and he couldn't get that in this hospital. Lily had looked kind of sad when they left; she had wanted to stay as well. She had wanted to be there for her husband and for their friend, James knew that. He had seen it in her eyes.
Thankfully, she also understood that James needed to be there. He had no other choice. Sirius was there because of them, James thought. And James could be there because of him. It wouldn't be fair towards Sirius if he'd gone home and Sirius would've woken up. Alone.
James slowly lifted his head.
'You know, Pads,' he said, while opening his eyes lazily, 'I don't deserve a wife like Lily. Or friends like you and Remus.'
He smiled.
'But then again, you already knew that.'
James froze immediately. He couldn't see clearly in the dark and he didn't know if he was dreaming or not, because it had happened so fast - but James could swear that Sirius had just opened his eyes.
*
'I mean I think he did,' James babbled. He had been babbling for the past half hour. He was out on the corridor with two Healers, Lily and one cranky Harry. Sarah was in the room with Sirius, checking his reactions and reflexes. 'No, I'm sure he did. He opened his eyes. I'd mentioned Remus and him and you and then I made a joke. A lame joke, but he opened his eyes. At least, it seemed he did and-'
'James, darling,' Lily said, while shifting Harry to her other arm, 'you've said all of this already. Four times. Calm down. Sarah'll know.'
'Remus!' James yelled. 'We need to get Remus! He needs to know!'
'What about those owls you sent him?' Lily asked.
'He didn't get them,' James answered. He had rarely felt this panicked in his entire life. 'I mean, what if he wakes up and Remus isn't here? What do I tell him?'
'James, relax!' Lily said and put a hand on his shoulder. 'You'll give yourself a heart attack.'
'A what?' James asked. 'I'll give myself a what?'
'A heart attack.' Lily rolled her eyes. 'It's a Muggle thing. Wizards have a different name for it. I don't know what - probably has something to do with some Medieval witch who hated some wizard she couldn't get and cursed him. All your illnesses do.'
'Lily,' James said as he ran a hand through his hair, 'this is not the time to spring new expressions on me. I'm confused as it is.'
'James, honey.' Lily laughed. James hated it when she laughed when he didn't know what to do, which was far too often for his sanity. 'There's nothing you can do about it now. Let Sarah do her job. They'll let us in to see him when they think it's okay.'
'But what if he wakes up now?' James was nearly hysterical. 'What if he wakes up now and we're not there and only Sarah is? He doesn't know Sarah!'
'Mr Potter,' one of the Healers who turned out to be Georgina, a friend of Sarah's, said calmly, 'it takes a while to wake up from a coma. Opening of the eyes is a first step, but most of the time, the patient does not know where he is. He can't react to anything yet and later on, as he's recovering, it's very likely that he does not even remember it.'
'So what are you saying?' James snapped. 'That it doesn't matter how we are around him now because he won't remember it anyway?'
'Mr Potter, that's not what I said,' Georgina said kindly. 'It it important that he's around people he knows right now and that he hears voices he can recognise, but the fact that he's opened his eyes does not mean he's awake yet. These things happen uncontrollably at this point in the coma. We'll let you in to see him as soon as Sarah's done.'
'And when will that be?' James asked, while glaring at Georgina.
'James!' Lily said fiercely, but she smiled at Harry who was on the verge of crying. 'There is no reason to forget your manners.'
'It's okay, Mrs Potter,' Georgina told her. 'It's normal for relatives or people close to the patient to react like this. It happens every day.'
James didn't know if he should feel insulted about being lumped in with almost everyone else in the entire world. He felt it excused the way he was behaving - and he knew he was being horribly rude and annoying - but he didn't like being normal either.
'You'll see your friend soon, Mr Potter,' Georgina said as she turned to him. 'Only a few minutes left. Meanwhile, why don't you sit down and I'll get you something to drink. Water, tea, coffee?'
'Make that tea,' Lily said hastily. 'I don't think he can take caffeine at this point.'
James glared at Lily, but he sat down on one of those horrible chairs anyway. Just as Georgina had turned her back on them and Lily was busy keeping Harry quiet, James stealthily took his wand out of his pocket.
'No use trying to break those wards Sarah's put up, Mr Potter,' Georgina said with a raised voice as she walked away. 'If you break them, two more'll form of their own accord.'
*
'James,' Lily whispered and shook him slightly. 'James, we can go in. See Sirius.'
James sighed deeply and opened one eye, while squinting and making smacking noises with his mouth.
'What did you put in my tea?' he asked.
'Something to calm you,' Lily said. 'You haven't slept very long, don't worry.'
'That wasn't necessary, Lily,' he said angrily.
'Of course it was,' she told him. 'You were driving everyone mad.'
'Any word from Remus yet?'
'I'm sorry.' Lily shook her head.
'What did Sarah say about Sirius?'
'That it's a matter of waiting now, but that it's quite likely he'll be awake soon.' She smiled. 'Now come on, let's go in!'
James got up so quickly, he was seeing black spots in front of his eyes. Only when he got to the door, he stopped abruptly.
'Where's Harry?'
'They had some free beds on paediatrics,' she said. 'I couldn't keep him up anymore, he was so tired. There's a Healer watching him.'
'He's all right, then.'
'Yes,' Lily said, and her voice sounded like laughter. 'He's all right.'
*
James opened the door so slowly, he thought he was never going to get it open all the way. He was afraid to go in. He was afraid of not having Sirius wake up and at the same time he didn't want him to wake up if Remus wasn't there.
They walked in, trying not to make any noise, and sat down by Sirius's bedside, holding their breath the whole time.
'Should I say something?' James whispered in Lily's ear. She gave him a half-smile and nodded.
'Er-' James started. What do you say to someone who's been in a coma? Who still was in a coma? 'Pads.'
Lily slipped her hand into his, making it impossible for him to speak for a moment. He could feel his eyes getting watery and his throat going dry.
'It's James,' he said eventually. 'Lily's sitting next to me.'
James swallowed hard. He was supposed to say something about Remus now, but he couldn't. He couldn't just say that Remus had chosen not to be here. So he decided to talk about the one thing he was most proud of in the entire world, something he and Sirius had always been able to talk about easily and freely. Something he and Sirius had always had trouble to stop talking about. His son.
'And Harry's here too. He's asleep, though. He's tired. He's had a busy few days,' James said, feeling a lot better now he had something to talk about. 'He stayed at Molly Weasley's yesterday. She said he and her youngest boy had fun together.'
He looked at Lily, who gave him an encouraging smile.
'He's missed you. He's missing you still. I don't think he fully realises why you haven't seen each other for so long, but he knows you weren't around. He'll be a much cheerier kid when he sees you again. He loves that Quidditch set you gave him for Christmas. He follows the Snitch everywhere. I'd bet you anything he'll be a right Seeker when he goes to Hogwarts. He'll win every game for Gryffindor.'
Lily suddenly gasped and squeezed his hand.
'James,' she whispered, almost inaudibly.
James turned back to see Sirius, who was staring at them with a confused look on his face.
Tears came to James's eyes in less than a second. Tears of joy, because - no matter what that Healer had said - James recognised the sparkle in those grey eyes and knew Sirius had understood.