(no subject)
woot
I still want to fucking die
I planned it a week ago then disassociated
So why not do it today? I have more pills, ok so its a half dose per tablet, but I could take all the ones Im supposed to take until next friday when I see her again... Take tons of asprin and some paracetamol, see what else I can find.
I have cider, I have vodka, I have a new blade and I have a lock on my bed room door
These tears are weak. These tears must stop.
And hey, maybe if I OD I wont be able to eat for a while, and then maybe I can be thin and pretty again...
I'm ok now with hiding my arms, I dont care if I do or I dont do it anymore.
Because I want to die. I am a slut, everyone thinks so.
I am a bitch, everyone knows so.
I argue for no reason. I have no friends.
I am mean to everyone. I break Anthony's heart. He really likes me and that terrifies me.
I am scared of life. I no longer fear death.
Maybe in death we do need to re-live life.. Surely I should get out before I have to relive anything else... Because I dont want more hell to have to relive once Im dead.
I give up. Im going to try and leave again...
Because I hate myself, and I hate everyone.....