Control yourself
Sometimes when I get entirely sick of my health issues, I imagine not having the parts that bother me. My left leg has been a strange issue for years, and I've become indifferent to it. If the only way to cure it's numbness is to cut it off, I think I'd rather be without that leg than live my entire life with it being a pain in my ass. My head, too. Move over Anne Boylen and Marie Antoinette, there's a new girl in line for the chopping block (or guillotine)! My headaches, my daily, horrible, show killing, life shortening, plain debilitating headaches need to stop. If I must have them, I'd rather be without my head. Thus, curing all ailments at once.
I realize I sound so fucking pathetic in my journal entires, but it makes me feel better to write them. When I go home, I'll have a much healthier mind. Anyone with depression knows how loathesome a situation can be after a while; complaining is my specialty.
When I go home, I want to smoke weed every day with my mom (or Jackie. You smoke weed still, right?) or whoever has it and just fucking relax. I want to experience complete freedom, like rich kids do. Just fuck off all they want, go to starbucks, eat finely, whatever the fuck they do. Sammy is without any occupation, and being in Sunland she'll keep me busy until the wonderful weekends that I'll spend with Sara dancing my ass off, or just going for a walk, or whatever it is we do as everything happens smoothly and well for us.
Tonight I worked my ass off at the gym. Scott and I have upped the ante on our workouts. Normally we work upper body one day and lower the day after the next day, always doing cardio to finish. Instead, we're doing the whole body and cardio every other day. It's hard, but it will be worth it when I can feel good in my clothes. Maybe I'll stop wearing my baggy dresses. Just Maybe.
I realize I sound so fucking pathetic in my journal entires, but it makes me feel better to write them. When I go home, I'll have a much healthier mind. Anyone with depression knows how loathesome a situation can be after a while; complaining is my specialty.
When I go home, I want to smoke weed every day with my mom (or Jackie. You smoke weed still, right?) or whoever has it and just fucking relax. I want to experience complete freedom, like rich kids do. Just fuck off all they want, go to starbucks, eat finely, whatever the fuck they do. Sammy is without any occupation, and being in Sunland she'll keep me busy until the wonderful weekends that I'll spend with Sara dancing my ass off, or just going for a walk, or whatever it is we do as everything happens smoothly and well for us.
Tonight I worked my ass off at the gym. Scott and I have upped the ante on our workouts. Normally we work upper body one day and lower the day after the next day, always doing cardio to finish. Instead, we're doing the whole body and cardio every other day. It's hard, but it will be worth it when I can feel good in my clothes. Maybe I'll stop wearing my baggy dresses. Just Maybe.