(no subject)
I felt super-relaxed yesterday. At night. During and after my shower, before I got into bed, and then the panic came back. Maybe it’s just my room. It’s a pretty claustrophobic place. Everything felt so ultrafine. I wish I could have that sort of contentment all the time. It was sweet. I’ve never known that feeling, ever. Like everything might not be all I’ve hoped for and it’s still okay. Very new. I ask you: lowered expectations or growing up, calming down? Generally my laziness is accompanied by dread, shame kind of, like I know I should expect better of myself. Haha, perhaps I just know not to expect anything more of myself by now.