in another life, i would be your girl

[fairbrtl]

if i were braver
i would tell people how i really felt and own it
i would not turn away when you look at me
or tell you how i feel just to laugh it off as a ridiculous joke
i would accept wanting
and waiting wouldn't feel like failure

if i could be me all the time
i would tell you you're beautiful
to me
and i would believe that i could be beautiful to you

sometimes i wonder if there are other versions of me
in parallel universes - similar...but...

maybe one would have faith in herself
and that one there would flirt and then look you in the eye instead of hurriedly laughing and looking away
those other versions of tess might be with any number of people she was honest with
maybe one of them never left new zealand in the first place, wore out the relationship, left and moved on to find companionship elsewhere
one of them would have told him she loved him and would wait until he was ready for her, because she would have had faith in her ability to be wanted and loved
and one of them would tell you she just wants to hold you
she would tell you she wants to be with you, all the time and more, until she convinces you that you're loved

but those other tesses have faith in themselves, believe themselves to be loved, believe themselves to have worth
sometime in the lives of those tesses, someone fought for her, just once, and convinced her it could happen again.