(no subject)
I've had the fastest, happiest week since I came back to QT. So much to be said for not waiting on someone who'll never satisfy you.
Whether or not we've fucking at the time, when I leave QT, I'd like to finally tell him what I really think. He's the most spineless, selfish, cruel, inconsiderate bastard I've ever known. For not telling me about Nancy before I came. For misleading me about their relationship, whether purposefully or not. For not listening to me when I said, 'ok, I've thought about it and in order to make it easier on her, if you have to sleep with her one or two more times I suppose I'm ok with it on 2 conditions. 1) I don't want to know about it and 2) it mustn't interfere with my sex life or my time with you.'
And if he really didn't tell me 'cause he didn't thin I'd care, then why'd he tell me when I got here? And if he really didn't think I'd care (which I think is bullshit), then fuck him for not listening when, before I left, I said 'I'm already jealous of the women you'll sleep with after I'm gone' and 'I'm jealous of who you'll take on the fuck deck', not to mention the Lilly episode once I'd left. And if he really didn't think I'd care, he would've just told me. And if he really didn't think I'd care, he put me on a pedestal and that is NOT my fault. He fucked me over and all I did was show my emotions. So fuck you, John, for making ME take it all on myself and grovel for showing too much when what did I do but follow your hypocritical request to be honest. And fuck you for fucking up a fabulous thing and blaming me for it. And fuck you for disrespecting me and testing me and lying to me, giving up on me. I think that one day you'll look back and recall and then you'll realise the big fuck up that you were 100% responsible for and regret it. And I think you will die a lonely, old, selfish, miserable man who was too scared and bitter to give love and companionship another chance.
Whether or not we've fucking at the time, when I leave QT, I'd like to finally tell him what I really think. He's the most spineless, selfish, cruel, inconsiderate bastard I've ever known. For not telling me about Nancy before I came. For misleading me about their relationship, whether purposefully or not. For not listening to me when I said, 'ok, I've thought about it and in order to make it easier on her, if you have to sleep with her one or two more times I suppose I'm ok with it on 2 conditions. 1) I don't want to know about it and 2) it mustn't interfere with my sex life or my time with you.'
And if he really didn't tell me 'cause he didn't thin I'd care, then why'd he tell me when I got here? And if he really didn't think I'd care (which I think is bullshit), then fuck him for not listening when, before I left, I said 'I'm already jealous of the women you'll sleep with after I'm gone' and 'I'm jealous of who you'll take on the fuck deck', not to mention the Lilly episode once I'd left. And if he really didn't think I'd care, he would've just told me. And if he really didn't think I'd care, he put me on a pedestal and that is NOT my fault. He fucked me over and all I did was show my emotions. So fuck you, John, for making ME take it all on myself and grovel for showing too much when what did I do but follow your hypocritical request to be honest. And fuck you for fucking up a fabulous thing and blaming me for it. And fuck you for disrespecting me and testing me and lying to me, giving up on me. I think that one day you'll look back and recall and then you'll realise the big fuck up that you were 100% responsible for and regret it. And I think you will die a lonely, old, selfish, miserable man who was too scared and bitter to give love and companionship another chance.