Fanmix: The Center of Our Gravity (McCoy/Chapel)
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII ship McCoy/Chapel because interdepartmental relations in space is love, so I made a fanmix. And wrote drabbles. And made graphics.
Karl Urban as Dr. Leonard McCoy
Candice Accola as Nurse Christine Chapel
Open the musical note in a new tab for individual downloads, or the zip file at the bottom for the whole mix. You have to change the hxxp in the file name to http.
♫ Heavy - Holly Brook
Born unto this pride
Silence is something you can't hide
You can't deny...us
Nothing has been said
Yet so many words have filled my head
Now they completely surround me
Tie the lines of honest conductivity
Caught between the center of our gravity
I don't have that much time to burn anymore
There's no denying that there's an attraction between them, but Christine doesn't let that bother her. They're both good looking people, but so are a lot of the crew on this ship. It isn't like there's anything wrong with looking either. They just can't touch, because they work closely together and that would be bad. Very bad. The two of them need to keep things professional.
Of course, there's nothing professional about the way Leonard McCoy looks at her sometimes. And even though it's just a look, at times it practically feels like a touch, a caress.
♫ Waves and the Both of Us - Charlotte Sometimes
I want the moon and the stars
I want the whole nine yards
I want your hands on my hips
I want you kissing my lips
I want the moon and the stars
I want the whole nine yards
I take off your shirt
You pull up my skirt
And I can't wait forever boy
And the moon and the stars
And the look in your eyes
Let 'em find it's way into me, oh
And your skin on my skin
And the bones that we're in
Let you slide your way into me, oh, oh, oh
"This is me," Christine states, gesturing to the hotel door. Both she and Leonard reek of the bar, and so far this shore leave hasn't gone as planned, namely, she didn't expect to be flirting with her boss all night.
She opens the door and steps inside, kicking off her heels.
"Now you're short," Leonard states, and the observation is the only indication that he's not as sober as he's trying to appear.
"I'm not short!" she laughs, leaning against the door frame.
He lifts a hand and places it atop her head, which she quickly tries to bat away. Then he brings the hand over towards himself, marking her height against his own.
"Average," he determines.
"Oh, I'm much more than average," she says, turning up the flirt factor. "Wanna come in?"
His hand presses against the door frame over her head and he leans in. "Yes. But it's probably not a good idea."
"Probably not," she agrees, tugging on one side of his open jacket. "But you should do it anyway."
"You keep lookin' at me that way and I'll have no--" the rest is cut off as she presses her lips to his and tugs him into the room by his jacket.
♫ No Brakes - Little Boots
I would say it's okay
I would say yeah, it's fine
Ignore what's missing inside
But just when I believed
There's nothing left in me
You crash right into my life
Christine's been in plenty of situations where the little voice inside her head says, "This is not a good idea," but this one may take the cake. She's naked, in bed, with her boss. How did this even happen? Well, she knew how it happened the first time. It was shore leave, and they had both been drunk. That was a valid excuse there. But this time? One minute they had been talking, then all of a sudden clothes were flying off.
Now he's asleep and she doesn't know what to do. Other than be perplexed at the fact that he's still there. It's her quarters, so she can't go anywhere, and while she's not the type to kick someone out, it would be better if he was gone before Alpha shift.
One thing's for sure: she's not letting herself get caught up in this situation again.
♫ Siren Song - Bat For Lashes
My name is Pearl
And I'll love you the best way I know how
My blonde curls slice through your heart.
And the siren come calling in the night, till the light.
Help you dress yourself up fancy
Bathe you when you get sore
I'll be good, I think I could be
All you would want and more and more.
Well, that resolve of hers doesn't last long. The two of them sleeping together has become a regular thing, but neither have really discussed just what this thing is yet. Christine figures it's better that way.
She also figures it's better to sneak out in the middle of the ship's night cycle than stick around until morning and risk others seeing her leave his quarters. Most nights she gets away cleanly, but some nights he presses her against his chest and uses that damn Southern charm of his to get her to stay.
And she doesn't know why it's so effective, since she's a Southern gal herself, and should be immune to that drawl. The only reasonable explanation she has is that it isn't a Southern charm thing, it's just a Leonard McCoy thing.
♫ The First Five Times - Stars
Fifth time in your bedroom
And finally, we rested
And you leaned upon your elbow
And began to speak to me
But you stopped yourself and kissed me
And I grabbed your lips and told you
I know, I know, I know
I feel the same as you
♫ Armour Love - La Roux
You put on your armour
You put up defenses
What are you on to?
Cause I'm here to protect you
So take it easy
I make it so easy
You can lay your head down
And we'll leave it 'til tomorrow
You seem to believe you belong to somebody else
When you leave me alone in this world you know that I'm in hell
Do you know what it's like to be lonely and by yourself?
His palm is pressed to hers in the dark, fingers flexing to push against her fingertips.
"So," he begins slowly, "should we talk about this?"
It's not something she wants to discuss, or analyze, or even really think about too much. She just wants to do, because thinking too much will lead her to decide that this is bad, and they should stop doing it.
But she doesn't want to stop. And she's afraid to consider just why that is.
"Not tonight," she answers, knitting their fingers together and resting their joined hands on his chest. "Early shift tomorrow. Go to sleep."
He lets out a heavy breath through his nose, the only indication that he's irritated with that answer.
♫ I Gave You All - Mumford & Sons
Close my eyes for a while
And force from the world a patient smile
But I gave you all..
And you rip it from my hands
And you swear it's all gone
And you rip out all I had
Just to say that you've won
He doesn't mean to catch her off guard when he puts his foot down and declares that he's tired of sneaking around. That he wants all or nothing. But from the look on her face, it's clear she hasn't considered he'd give her an ultimatum.
After sputtering for a minute, trying to get her bearings, Christine tries to convince him that things are good as they are and there's no need to go changing them, but it's too late for that. He's spent long nights thinking about this, thinking about them, and he wants an answer.
Biting her lip, she looks apologetic. She chooses nothing, and lets herself out.
♫ Day Old Hate - City & Colour
So let's face it, this was never what you wanted
But I know its fun to pretend
Now blank stares and empty threats
Are all I have, they're all I have.
So drown me, and if you can
Or we could just have conversation.
And I fall, I fall, I falter
But I'll find you, before I drift away
♫ Love Out Of Lust - Lykke Li
We will live longer than I will
We will be better than I was
We can cross rivers with our will
We can do better than I can
So dance while you can
Dance cause you must
Love out of lust
Dance while you can
Rather live out a lie than live wondering
How the fire feels while burning
For life is like a flame
And the ashes for wasting
So honey don't be afraid
To dance while we're waiting
So what if she can't stop thinking about him? It doesn't necessarily mean she's thinking about them, because there is no them. Just her and him, living out their lives separately. And the only reason she's thinking of him is because he's her boss and she can't avoid him.
It has absolutely nothing to do with remembering the feel of his skin against hers, or how deep his voice went when he was tired, or the way he smiled at her just so sometimes.
He doesn't smile at her anymore.
♫ The Ladder - Andrew Belle
Woe is me
Faithless you and selfish me
I will leave a key for you outside my doorway
Woe is me
One if by the land, or two by sea
So won't you leave, for me, a light outside your doorway
On a ladder from there to here I'll climb
All this clatter between my ears I find
Does it matter if I can't clear my mind?
There's a right and a wrong time
A man of Leonard's age, who has been through a messy divorce already, shouldn't be willing to make all the same mistakes again. He should have just been content with what he and Christine had, whatever it was, but no. He had to do what he always did, which was fall hard and fast.
A man of Leonard's experience shouldn't pass by the door to Christine's quarters every night, debating stopping and telling her to forget what he said. That they could go back to what they'd been doing before, no strings attached.
A man of Leonard's feelings should know that would be a complete lie. That just because you fall hard and fast for someone doesn't mean the love isn't true.
After nearly a week, he stops passing by her door.
♫ Mathematics - Little Boots
A little of my mind, take it from my soul
A fraction of your half, see it makes me whole
And multiply the times, never be apart
'Cause nothing can divide a heart plus a heart
Don't know my Fibonacci or Pythagoras
But the only formula I know will work for us is that
When we're together in the sum of our parts
It's far greater than what we added up to at the start
♫ Can't Stop - Maroon 5
And I can't stop thinking about you
And I can't stop thinking about you
You never call, what do I do?
And I can't stop, and I can't stop
What I would give to have you look in my direction
And I'd give my life to somehow attract your attention
And I touch myself like it's somebody else
Thoughts of you are tattooed on my mind, let me show you
♫ How My Heart Behaves - Feist
What grew
What grew
What grew and inside who
First so simple was the vow
Then the chorus sang about
Your shoulder
The mooring for me
Like water lost in the sea
The cold heart will burst
If mistrusted first
And a calm heart will break
When given a shake
She wasn't happy. And he wasn't even doing anything like treating her terribly during shift or giving her insulting little tasks to do. He treated her the same as before, only now he rarely made eye contact. And she never realized how having his gaze on her made her feel until he wasn't doing it anymore.
What was probably the most frustrating was that Christine had been so sure she knew what she wanted in life and what she didn't. And then he had to come along and turn everything on its head. Frustrating man.
And now she was going to do something that would probably end badly. She was going to apologize and ask for another chance. She was going to ask if she and he could become a them.
He was probably going to tell her to forget it; she'd had her chance. But she had to try.
♫ Breakable - Ingrid Michaelson
Have you ever thought about what protects our hearts?
Just a cage of rib bones and other various parts.
So it's fairly simple to cut right through the mess,
And to stop the muscle that makes us confess.
And we are so fragile,
And our cracking bones make noise,
And we are just,
Breakable, breakable, breakable girls and boys.
♫ Strong Enough - Sheryl Crow (.wma)
I have a face I cannot show
I make the rules up as I go
Just try and love me if you can
Are you strong enough to be my man?
When I've shown you that I just don't care
When I'm throwing punches in the air
When I'm broken down and I can't stand
Would you be man enough to be my man?
♫ Somebody Good - The Swell Season (.m4a)
I came here alone
To dig through the dirt
To find what was lost
To sift through the hurt
I wanna return
Do you think that I could
I want to belong to somebody good
I wanna return
I want to belong to somebody good
Being an excellent planner, Christine plots out exactly what she plans to say to Leonard, even pacing around her quarters reciting certain parts so she won't forget. So when she's actually standing before him in his quarters, hands shaking and babbling like a fool, she's amazed at how it all fell apart.
The entire time she's talking, he's just looking at her with an inscrutable expression. But at least he's looking at her.
When she finishes, after saying "I'm sorry," for possibly the hundredth time, he nods slightly and asks, "You done?"
"Um, yeah. That's, that's all I wanted to say."
He steps forward and pulls her into a kiss before she's even registered that he's moving. It's an unhurried, savoring kiss, and when they part, he says, "I'm sorry too."
"What for?"
"Putting pressure on you to make a decision right then and there. Should have given you time to think about it."
"Oh, yeah. Why didn't you?"
He shrugs. "I would think from working beside me day in and day out you would have noticed what an impatient son of a bitch I can be."
Slipping her arms around him, she smirks. "I was too busy noticing other parts of you, I think."
"Oh yeah, such as?"
"I'd rather show you, Doctor."
"Yes, Nurse."
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