"Oh, so scared and unsure..."
Well, after being completely prepared to go into the "Grease" auditions with full confidence, I completely and utterly lost it.
The dance audition was wonderful. It was a simple dance that let you have lots of fun and add character. Dan was my partner and he was a blast. He added in a dip that was an absolute blast. I think my dancing was my big highlight because of what is to come...
I lost my voice today. Somewhere at school and on the way back, I just lost it. I was practicing my songs and I sounded like a ten-year-old entering puberty. I was cracking on notes right above middle C, the strength of my range. After spending the last four days preparing "Mama, I'm a Big Girl Now," I had to throw it out the window because my voice was cracking on the notes. I stole Sandy Kimmel's song and sang "And All That Jazz" and had to "Rex Harrison" half of the song because I couldn't sing it. (And that song doesn't go above an A.) So, I put up a fun attitude and try to make it amusing, hoping that they would understand and be sympathetic.
The reading was fine, too. I'm an actress first, so I have no problems reading characters. After sitting through two groups where practical no one moved (...they just stood and read...), I was determined to showcase my talents. I got to read for Marty, so I made sure to add character to the role and spice up the reading. I pretended to smoke and I used more of the space than anyone else. I got so into my subtext that I forgot that I had lines at some points.
They had everyone stand around and they looked up and down the whole line and made comments. And then they announced that they would have callbacks tomorrow. (And, of course, the usual "no callback doesn't mean you won't get cast.")
I left the theatre mildly confident, but royaly pissed off. I was all set and ready to make chorus and then this hit. And everything just went right out the window. I have never been cast in a show outside of school.
I mean, I thought that they would at least call me back to see if my voice had improved to give me a second shot, that I could be feeling better.
And then Ashley told me that she got her callback...almost an hour ago.
I can't take this. The directors obviously think that they saw all of my talent without my voice. They don't need to hear me read with a full voice when I can seriously take character. And when Emily, Jessica, and Ashley all leave choir tomorrow for their callbacks, I'm going to slunk on back to my room and just lie there.
I'm really starting to think that I should have just ended my college theatre career with "An American Daughter." Honestly, "South Pacific" was too depressing and emotional for me. Quite frankly, I hated the show 8 days out of 10. I dreaded going to those rehearsals. It's practically obvious that I'm not getting in "Grease." (I mean, why pick me when the other 25 women who auditioned had full voices?) And I seriously don't know if I'm going to do "Medea."
...
What do you do when the one thing you depend on starts tearing apart at the seams?
...where can I turn,
covered with scars I did nothing to earn?
Maybe there's somewhere a lesson to learn,
but that wouldn't change the fact,
that cannot speed the time,
once the foundation's cracked
and I'm still hurting.
The dance audition was wonderful. It was a simple dance that let you have lots of fun and add character. Dan was my partner and he was a blast. He added in a dip that was an absolute blast. I think my dancing was my big highlight because of what is to come...
I lost my voice today. Somewhere at school and on the way back, I just lost it. I was practicing my songs and I sounded like a ten-year-old entering puberty. I was cracking on notes right above middle C, the strength of my range. After spending the last four days preparing "Mama, I'm a Big Girl Now," I had to throw it out the window because my voice was cracking on the notes. I stole Sandy Kimmel's song and sang "And All That Jazz" and had to "Rex Harrison" half of the song because I couldn't sing it. (And that song doesn't go above an A.) So, I put up a fun attitude and try to make it amusing, hoping that they would understand and be sympathetic.
The reading was fine, too. I'm an actress first, so I have no problems reading characters. After sitting through two groups where practical no one moved (...they just stood and read...), I was determined to showcase my talents. I got to read for Marty, so I made sure to add character to the role and spice up the reading. I pretended to smoke and I used more of the space than anyone else. I got so into my subtext that I forgot that I had lines at some points.
They had everyone stand around and they looked up and down the whole line and made comments. And then they announced that they would have callbacks tomorrow. (And, of course, the usual "no callback doesn't mean you won't get cast.")
I left the theatre mildly confident, but royaly pissed off. I was all set and ready to make chorus and then this hit. And everything just went right out the window. I have never been cast in a show outside of school.
I mean, I thought that they would at least call me back to see if my voice had improved to give me a second shot, that I could be feeling better.
And then Ashley told me that she got her callback...almost an hour ago.
I can't take this. The directors obviously think that they saw all of my talent without my voice. They don't need to hear me read with a full voice when I can seriously take character. And when Emily, Jessica, and Ashley all leave choir tomorrow for their callbacks, I'm going to slunk on back to my room and just lie there.
I'm really starting to think that I should have just ended my college theatre career with "An American Daughter." Honestly, "South Pacific" was too depressing and emotional for me. Quite frankly, I hated the show 8 days out of 10. I dreaded going to those rehearsals. It's practically obvious that I'm not getting in "Grease." (I mean, why pick me when the other 25 women who auditioned had full voices?) And I seriously don't know if I'm going to do "Medea."
...
What do you do when the one thing you depend on starts tearing apart at the seams?
...where can I turn,
covered with scars I did nothing to earn?
Maybe there's somewhere a lesson to learn,
but that wouldn't change the fact,
that cannot speed the time,
once the foundation's cracked
and I'm still hurting.