I'm just a box, a box in a cage.

[failweather]

I think I'm going to make a concious effort to start writing in this shit. I need to sort my thoughts or I'll go fucking bi-polar. I just came off a 2 week trek to Minnesota. Seven days of solitude and 5 days of driving. If you want time to consider slitting your own throat or those you know, here is the trigger. It's constant thinking. Consider sitting an empty room for days and see how fucking beat you end up. I come home with mind shingles to have my home ripped from my stomach. I litteraly feel like sections have been cut from my belly and I'm standing still trying to catch my breath. It's horrible and I hate it. Oh, what's this? a Birthday spent alone in an unfamilliar house. How'd you spend your 21st birthday Russell, and I want details. I went to bed a 4 a.m. woke to watch my family leave for the Guadelupe River, got in a fight with my sister before they left though. Went with my uncle and cousin to see The Village, paid for my own ticket. Came home, I needed to run errands, and re-learn how to drive after taking a 9 day sabatical. Oh what's this? My battery's fucking dead. I then spend 45 minutes trying to manuver my dad's tank/van next to my poorly parked car under our carport. I finally get my shit started, move it then straighten out my dad's van and now his fucking door won't shut. It's still not fucking shut. I go back to my car, batteries dead again. Fuck you battery I say, only in more words. That's ok though, my sister's car is next to mine. I find her keys in that trashy ass room, get the cars as close as I can but her fucking battery is on the other fucking side of the fucking engine. Fuck it, I've got errands to run, I'll drive her piece of shit. I go to my grandmother's cause her and my aunt from out of town are supposed to make me dinner for my shitbathbirthday. And I bridle myself from saying "What time should I fucking get here assholes?" Not that they deserve it, my grand mother just had her boobs cut off, I think that's the medical term for it, and my aunt spent 2 weeks helping her and painting the house. Oh, and the day before she tried to show us her tit scars and my uncle said, "I'm about to eat," she turns to me and I scream, "And I plan on eating tomorrow." While sitting on her couch it dawns on my to just switch the battery's from my sister's car to mine. I go home, do that, look for a CD, because I've been craving my music for the past two weeks. And then I remembered that my 12 year old brother took my Circle Takes the Square CD to San Antonio, which I wouldn't mind if I hadn't had parts of some of the songs stuck in my head for several days. I then go to lowes to get a light for the lamp out front(which isn't working now for some reason, but I'm not going out there to find out why, cause I was out there last night and there are bugs out there) and a door knob for the back door. I get home, screw in the bulb, take off the old knob, knob, and then figure out I have to carve some wood to fit the thing inside. That takes forever and causes me to be late for dinner, especially by the time I go to Albertson's and pick up a 2 liter of Diet Dr. Pepper. (Although, while I was checking out, the nice cashier lady asked if I had an Albertson's card because if I did then the coke would only be a doller, not a dollar fifty. I said I did, but it's in a box somewhere. She gave me a stack of cards and said scan one of these, I did, and saved money. I literally almost hugged her and cried on her shoulder screaming fuck all the rest of you. Almost) By the time I get to my grandmother's the food's cold and I have to hurry up and get my food cause people are going back for seconds. We eat and watch The Assistant with Andy Dick, who I need to write and thank for being so funny, and then we have cake and shit. They asked me if I wanted them to sing and light candles, which I declined, one of them then said, "I guess birthday spanking are out of the question." To which I replied, "After you reach a certain age they transcend from spankings, to beatings." I'm so fucking funny and quick, you should really get to know me. I must admit though, my family is starting to get me. My cake matched my frosting. If you have white ckae, then you have to have white frosting. If you have chocolate cake then you MUST have chocolate frosting. Otherwise I'm not going to eat that shit, and you're going to hear about it. I grabbed my DD.P got in my car drove to my 'house' and by 10:11 rolled by (time I was born) I wasn't paying attention and missed it. So I'm spending my nigh here, sitting on the floor in front of my computer, hating my situation and not anticipating tomorrow's shit. You might be saying to yourself, "Why isn't this bag of dicks out getting drunk on his 21st birthday?" To you I'd reply, "Because I'm not you, and I'm going to cut up your shit for disrespecting me like that."

I'd be surprised if anyone reads this shit. In fact, if you do read this shit, let me know.