Like Memeing in Molasses - FFA Post # 305
Erratic varnish errors, how we love them.
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The short version: no embeds, don't out people's real names, don't be that much of an asshole, body fluids are off topic, Mods reserve the right to freeze, screen, and delete the fuck out of stuff. ( Read more... )
All the fail_fandomanon Rules and Information (and Ban Requests):
http://fail-fandomanon.livejournal.com/36692.html.
The short version: no embeds, don't out people's real names, don't be that much of an asshole, body fluids are off topic, Mods reserve the right to freeze, screen, and delete the fuck out of stuff. ( Read more... )
It seems like Kaner jolts awake and jerks backwards all in one motion, landing on his ass on his usual side of the bed.
“Fuck,” he says, blinking rapidly, voice croaky and uneven. “I - what?”
“You were grinding against me,” Jonny tells him, in case he hasn’t figured it out.
“But you,” Kaner begins, and then bites his lip. “Shit, sorry.”
“No, no,” Jonny says hastily. “It’s totally cool with me, no problem at all. I just - I wasn’t sure you’d be fully on board, if you were awake.”
“What?” Kaner says again, but this time he sounds pissed off instead of confused. “Wait, you weren’t sure about me still being into it? Jesus, Jonny, I could say the same thing.”
Jonny shrugs, and rolls onto his side to face him. “I wasn’t gonna push you for it. You just went through some crazy trauma, man.”
Kaner props his head up on one hand as he studies Jonny’s face. “That’s - okay, seriously, why the fuck are you being so nice to me?”
That touches on a topic Jonny's not yet sure how to raise, if at all, but he can’t help being offended by the question. “How much of an asshole do you think I am?” he retorts. “Did you want me all over you the minute you had a normal dick again, and to hell with how bad your muscles hurt or how messed up your head was?”
“No,” Kaner says, “but you’ve been acting weird even for you. Like, are you thinking I’m still this helpless little puppy?”
“I’m trying not to, I swear. Just...this curse thing was a total mindfuck for me too, you know?”
Humiliatingly, Jonny's voice wavers as he says it. Kaner looks thoughtful rather than amused, though, and holds Jonny's gaze as he shifts close to him again. For a split second, Jonny thinks that Kaner's going to kiss him. But then Kaner lowers his head, tucking his face into the crook of Jonny's neck, and wraps both arms around him.
And he should have thought of this, realized that Kaner needed it. Apart from when he put an arm around Kaner's shoulders, just after he lost his balance in the bathroom, Jonny hasn’t hugged him at all since he changed back. He’s been stupidly afraid of overstepping his bounds, even though hugging is a thing they do off the ice; a thing they’ve been doing ever since they exchanged home addresses and landline numbers, the day their first stint as teammates ended.
Except that maybe Jonny needed this too, because his breath keeps catching painfully in his chest and his fingertips keep flexing against Kaner's lower back. He should be the one doing the comforting, here, but it feels so fucking good to just let Kaner hold him tightly and rub at his shoulder through his T-shirt. Jonny touches his lips to the top of Kaner's head, getting the familiar scent of his shampoo - the fancy kind especially for curly hair, that Kaner keeps a spare bottle of in Jonny's shower - and not missing the dog smell at all.
Kaner must have heard Jonny sniffing him; he chuckles quietly. But before Jonny can think of a defense, Kaner presses his nose to the side of Jonny's throat and inhales in turn. “It was so weird, man,” he mumbles. “My senses were crazy powerful, and I realized I could recognize you by how you smelled. I mean, if we’d gotten split up in a park for real, not just in my dream, I totally could’ve tracked you like a bloodhound.”
That’s kind of creepy to Jonny, but it’s the brush of Kaner's lips against his skin that has him shivering a little - and humming under his breath. They’re lying on their sides, bodies pressed together, and it’s obvious that their cocks are reacting to the pressure and proximity. It hasn’t even been 48 hours since they last got each other off with mutual hand jobs, all they can usually muster the energy for after games. Yet it feels like forever ago that they came home still exhilarated by their thrashing of the Flyers, and made out for long minutes against Jonny's front door before even shedding their coats.
Kaner lays a soft, open-mouthed kiss to Jonny's neck, and then licks at it. He knows what Jonny likes, knows his body almost as well as Jonny does. Jonny wants it, wants him so badly, as much as always. And he could have this, so easily: could take what Kaner's offering him now, and keep taking it for as long as Kaner’s willing to give.
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So glad you enjoyed, nonny! You have another nonny's feedback to thank for inspiring the hug, actually, because (s)he made me realize the tragic shortage of hugging going on here :D
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I was quite unsure as to how well that passage of introspection => realization worked -- so thank you, that's very reassuring to hear! ♥
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(I really wish I had time to leave some actual feed-back, but this will have to be a place holder for later, nonnie.)
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[Long, rambling feed-back]I went back and re-read some of of the earlier parts of the story, because I wanted to see if I could tease out just why this story is working so well for me. I've touched on it before, but it still stands for me - mostly it is the characterisation of Jonny that you're working with, actually. I love how you're handling it in this part, because you've done such a solid job with the groundwork to get to this point.
For one you've built a very layered character with some real depth and interesting internal contradictions, so the emotional conflict feels valid. And you're taking your time to let the resolution unfold in stages, which works for the narrative tone you've chosen.
The thing I probably love the most, though, are the recurring beats of trust/consent/uncertainty throughout the story. I adore how you handle that they have so much (unspoken) trust built up over years of being with each other, and yet manage to clearly show just why they are so unsure of what it all means in this new situation they've been thrown into. It's two 3-dimensional characters having to negotiate a situation forced upon them where suddenly all the unspoken/unacknowledged things that just work for them are thrown up into the air. Because Pats human form is taken out of the equation Jonny is forced to look at what is missing and what is still there and it's a fascinating way to get someone to realise that what may have started as one things has grown into something else. I just love this line; it says all there is to say:
Even with his eyes closed, Kaner is all he can see.
The premise is still pure crack with a side-order of serious and I love that, but then you had to go and turn it into a much richer story that is really touching. Kudos to you for having the talent to pull this off; your writing is so solid and you're a wonderful storyteller.
(I'll end on a side-note: I've been trying to work out why this story reminds me of one of my favourite stories in Hockey RPF and I think I finally figured it out. It's been driving me a bit mad, because it's a different pairing, very different genre and tone, but it has to be by the same author :)
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Nonny, I cannot even tell you how happy feedback like yours makes me! Thank you so, so much for taking the time and for being so wonderfully kind.
I do hope you will enjoy the rest of the story; the whole final scene has been giving me trouble, and I've written multiple versions, but I'm now more-or-less happy with what I've got. Trying to avoid repeating what I've done in previous fics has taken me in a new and hopefully interesting direction!
I must admit, I've started to assume that people who read the WIP threads know who I am -- I think I'm the only Kaner/Tazer author who regularly posts here. I only have two hockey RPF stories at AO3 with other pairings, one of which was a kinky het PWP and the other mostly domestic wistfulness + porn. So possibly I'm who you're thinking of, but possibly not! I have no clue who you are, but I appreciate you nonetheless. ♥
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I'm seriously looking forward to the full version of this.
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Thank you kindly, nonny! I was hoping that Jonny waking Kaner up instead of automatically grinding against him would seem like a believable shift in his thinking, so I'm glad that worked for you :D
The end is in sight, now -- last night I finally started writing the sex scene which will more or less wrap things up.
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