random thoughs
...this is how my brain works. Afraid yet? Well, let me know after you read all of this.
pre-script (as opposed to a post-script) - my spelling here is atrocious, I know. But I had to use a bunch of different text effects and to spell-check with MS Word would have screwed it all up. And I really dislike the spellcheck on LJ because it also includes the HTML script and it's a pain in the ass to go back and fourth (up and down) to check a long post. So I apologize in advance.
IMPORTANT: (this was the very last written, but dispite it being a step-by-step 'this is how it works, in order', after writing it, I am still stable enough to know this needs a disclamer at the begining) This is my brain processing put in words. To explain this in any other way would be impossible. But when I decided to write this, I also decided that I would write it as I think, because that is kind of the whole point. As already warned (in the first section of fruit-fly text), this is all over the place, including notations that will probably not be understood by anyone but myself, notes to myself and lots of jumping around. This is why I take medication, so my thought patterns are a little more... shall we say logical? But hey, I haven't been able to sleep at all for the last 5 days, so I will not be offended if you this this is so nuts you do the on-line equivelent of looking at me funny. And just think, I am still taking my ADD medication. Without it? You don't even want to try to imagine it.
"Strawberry schnapps taste just like real ice cream!" ♥ (Anya, BtVS 5.10) [I love Dawn&Anya interaction.]
No, it doesn't. It tastes like artificial Strawberry and alchol. And I'm not a big fan of artificial strawberry flavouring. I love real strawberries, but I can't eat them fresh anymore, due to a citrus acid allergy that prevents me from eating them as well as fresh pineapple, about half the kinds of apples, kiwi and lemons & limes. Which really sucks, because I used to love eating lemons and limes, straight.
RE(1a); schnapps - I do like peach schnapps though. I didn't used to, when I first discovered alchol, because I could still taste the booze (White Freezies1.1 are still my favorite, because that's what they taste like. You can get drunk -well, tipsy for me because I have a ridiculously high tolerance due to a super-high metabolism- and feel like your four years old ^_^), but since I've gotten used to it, it's not bad. It tastes like Fuzzie Peaches, which oddly enough, I'm not really a fan of, but I like it as a drink.
RE(1b); ♥ link to Buffy Dialog Database - Seriously, I really want to create a database so I can build a Star Trek site like it. But I know nothing about databases and my friend who does doesn't know how to create one that can do multi-line quotes. She said she'd keep the thought in the back of her mind ( _snitchbitch is the awesomest of awesomeness) I just want to know if anyone else might know. I've tried contacting the BDDB creator, but after checking out all the other sites she (or he, I really have no idea) maintanes, I believe the person has orphaned them and the contact information along with them. *sigh*
OT interjection (in a random-seeming OT post) - FUCK! Technology hates me. Whenever I spend more then five minutes typing (sometimes less) my keyboard goes weird on me and most non-letter keys fuck up;
' becomes è
? becomes É
[ becomes ^
] becomes ç
\ becomes à
/ becomes é
< becomes '
> becomes "Anyone know how to fix thisÉ? Itè's so anoying. Also, the mouse pad on my laptop got maybe three drops of water on it (my puppy is cute but a pain in the ass, jumping mo me while I was trying to drink) and now when I try to left click, it also right-clicks. Further proof my mutant power (off-site link abound!) is destroying technology by looking at it can be found amongst these entries; http://fai-dust.livejournal.com/2009/11/
RE(2a); Quote databases - I really want to build one, I thought of it last time I got like this and haven't let it go. I always found the Bufy one a great resourse and just fun to read if I just want to relax and remember the coolness that was BtVS-speak.
RE(2a1); Star Trek quote database - I know there are transcripts out there for Star Trek, but it takes forever if you can't remember the exact wording or episode the quote is from. It would be a lot of time to build, but it would be worth it. And I don't think I am alone in thinking that other people would use it, because even though Enterprise ended years ago, it still has a strong, active fanbase. Also, there is so many little things in the Trek universe, like techno-babble (so terrible, not just because it doesn't make any sense if you give it any thing resembling thought, but also because -at least in TNG- sometimes they'll contradict themselves in later episodes. STOP; too long a rant and way OT. - this is where writing my crazyness as I think (although I can't type nearly as fast as I think, so I have to reaally try to get it down ASAP because to edit or leave anything out wiuld defeat the purpose of this little look into my head) it is good, because I almost always forget what I was thinking. And if it mattered, it's really irritating to realize I can't remember where I was going with something because not only did I loose my train of thought by OT(1), but that lead to OT(2), (3) and (4) and by the time I catch myself, I can't remember what it was I was trying acomplish.), "historical" references that still take place in future from the viewers POV and the various alien cultures in the series. It really bugs me when I'm reading a fic that gets something like that wrong and I am very anal about trying to to do it myself.
RE(2a2); Marvel Comics quote database - Now, I know I said the ST one would take a lot of time, but a comic one? I know this is probably a pipe dream, even if I am ever able to design a database. Not only would all the quotes have to be typed (hello! Comics do not have trancripts. Not only would reading a transcript of a comic book defeat the purpose of it being a comic, but odds are if you really want to read it without buying it, you can download the thing.), but there are so many titles and series, it could never have everything. And after the gigantic failure iknowstuff.org ended up being, with only one (love you Alana, you are the only one I can count on.) out of 27 (I counted. I still would like to kill the other 26, sometimes.) people who promised they would help build the general fandom resourse if I bought the domain. -Fuck the other 26 of you, all of who said so without any coersion or prompting from me.- But at the same time, even though it would be stupid, overwealming and doomed to never be compleat, I cannot count the number of times I've tried to remember what issue something happened in, how a character responded to something or something similar (either you get where I'm coming from or you don't. If you've ever used a transcript from a TV show or movie, it's the same thing, and you have and don't know what I'm saying, either you're an idiot or... nah. You're an just idiot.) and had no way to do it, short of going through all my back issues, because it's not like you can plug "anole rockslide 'gee, I don't know rockslide'" into a search engien and have google be able to read a scan someone has online to tell me I'm looking for issue number X of comic series Y.
RE(2a2); Manic Behaviour - Anyone reading this who gets manic themselves, knows someone who does or even has seen any of the mainstream programs that deal with the UP! end of bipolar disorded (however inaccurate and usually insulting the portrayal may be) probably gets (is that even the right word? Should it be knows or understands?) that when manic, you get a crazy number of ideas for projects and obsess1.2 to the point of thinking of nothing else, no matter how stupid, inconciquencial or illogical it the idea is to everyone else -and you, when you're looking back post-mania. This will last until one of the three happen;
A - You actually compleat the project, get everyone who knows about it to say it's a good thing, it is done right and they were idiots for telling you otherwise while you were working on it
B - While working on Idea I, your think begin to think up Idea II (which may or may not be connected to I) that is just as essential as the first, so you set I aside and begin to obsess about II with plans to go back to I after II is done. (This can lead to countless half-started ideas or half-baked projects (a few summers ago, you were running 6 different Dawn Summers pairing sites by the end, when you already run a general archive about her. And when I was designing, coding and building the archive, words cannot express how cool I thought they were and the insane plans I had to build them into untimate fansites, even if the 'ship only had three fics ever written)
C - You peak and as your mind begins to go back to "normal" (thankfully, that takes less time then the months it takes to build) you realize how nuts what you're doing is. This is very rare.
--IF YOU ARE READING THIS, PLEASE, do not think I am saying everything done while manic is pointless or just insane. Sometimes, they're great and can help. I started a school-wide bottle&can recycling program in high school, including getting the school board to pay for the bins and the DD class (standing for "developmentally disabled", because Special Ed, Mentaly Disabled, Mentaly Retarded and countless other names for the same thing have become synonyms for stupid or dumb. Give it another two years and they will have to rename it again) to include it in their weekly classroom pickups that they already did for paper. And four years later, they're still doing it.
(to self: stop talking like Ducky! Yes, you've been doing it before you ever heard of BSC, let alone CD, but it's just weird. And dispite what your phycyotrist [god God, you can't spell] (the one who actually helped and didn't treat you like a case-study for a paper, a typical angsting teen looking for attention or think that the way to help someone suffering from extream depression is to guilt them about how you're hurting eveyone around you. Not the point. The subject was thinking Second Person POV) said, it can't be healthy to think about yourself as though you're speaking to someone else. Like Ducky said, "like you wish you were someone else or something."
Shit. Now I can't remember where I was going with this.----And this is where our little tour ends, because even though I was writing it down, I still managed to forget where I was going with this. But just for your continued amusement, I included commintary of the tv shows I was watching while I was typing... whatever that *points above* is. because even when I'm working on something like writing my own thoughts, I can't help but rant about something. I'm just special that way, I have too many thoughts and feel the need to share every single one of them, regardless of whether or not anyone wants to hear me. Maybe that's why I can't be bothered to blog. I'd rather just babble at anyone who's near by because then I know someone is actually on the reciving end.
Probably also why I can't not leave feedback on every fic I read, every review I recive for my own work, and comment on every single LJ post I read even if I don't know the person. I do the same thing in real life, only then it's called talking out of turn. I always have to share what I'm thinking or how I feel about something, even if it's totally out of place. I hate doing it, but I can't seem to take that step back and question if it's aproperate until I've done it. And if it seems bad on-line, it's way worse when I do it at work. Last two summers when I has a summer position doing exactly what I am going to school to do all rear round, I couldn't go a whole work day without wanting to smack myself. The scientific/lab work field is one of the more concervative ones and as a rule, everyone there is pretty 'profetional'. Apparentally, if you're cheerful and talkative, it's a sign of not taking the job seriously. Period. But that's just how I am. When I was in between grade 7 and 8, I went for a psyke-eval and it came back that I had the intelect of a second year university student, the emotional awareness of a well-adjusted adult and the maturity somewhere around that of a 8 year old. Oh well, at least I'm pretty happy and it's not like I act like a moron, it just means that I had more in common with the teachers then the other kids in high school (I was never able to understand anyone in my own age bracket) and I am friendly. And maybe I don't always know what is okay to share and what should be concidered 'personal' -I know I quite often overshare-, but it's better then being ashamed about it.
Wow. Okay, that went way longer and kinda off topic, but I'm not going to deleat it because that's kinda the whole point of this entry. So, onto the TV related stupidity...
I really like ST,Voy's ep. "The Voyager Conspiracy". Actually, looking back, most of my favorite episodes are Seven eps. Which is weird, because while I love Jeri Ryan, Seven is not one of my top five characters. (Okay, I'm lying. She is number five. I counted. But she didn't used to be, when I first watched it.)
(Wow, this -and a few other things I'm doing at the same time- has taken more then an hour. Voyager's ended and SG-1's on now) What the hell? Okay, I admit I'm used to watching a doctor behave like an imature six year old in between being epidemy of professionalism and maturity (Thank you, Eureka, for your adorable inconsistency of Allison Blake) but does there have to be more then one? Dr. Lam (played by Lexa Doig, so she's forgiven for replacing Teryl Rothery) is usually cool, calm and everything else you would expect from a television medical doctor (who isn't either a compleat ass2.1 or a one-shot character who is extreamly extream for the plot). The only twist is that she happens to be the estranged daughter of the base commander. 2.2 Well, they held off for a whole season and a half without beating us over the head with it, so in 10.05 ("Uninvited") she acts like a juvinile teenager in a bad B-movie and gets her divorced parents who don't have any contact with each other to agree to both go out to dinner with her. She tells him what to wear and what not to say and (SHOCK, who saw this coming?) when he almost has to cancle because he is the leader of a top-secret government program that deals with space exploration, evil aliens and all the all the other things that go along with that, and it's just not fair of her daddy to expect her to understand just because she works in the same fucking facility, knows them all personally and as their doctor is supposed to care about their well-being! Thank you writers, you have managed to restore my beliefe that assuming comnon sense to be involved in character devolopment is just setting myself up for failure.
1.1 White Freezies - 1:1:1 ratio of Blue Sourpuss, banana liqure and seven-up. Whenever I order it at the bar, it's pale blue, but when I make it myself, it looks like Romulan Ale, an fluorescent green.
1.2 Obsessing while Manic - by this, I mean clinical obsession. To the point of caring about nothing else. When I get this manic, I already have a hard time eating and don't sleep, but when obsession hits, the house could be on fire, and I would only care when the thing I was working on catches on fire. I am not exagerating.
2.1 House - I may be killed for this, but I am not a fan. It has nothing to do with Hugh Laurie or his awesome acting ability (or maybe it does, he's too believeable), I grew up watching Jeeves and Wooster and loved it. But I've had asshole doctors who treated me like that and I can't watch the show most of the time without wanting to hit something. (self-reminder; vowed when I began this that I would not make footnotes within footnotes. Rant about jackass co-worker from last summer who left the lab to go to medschool will have to be saved for another day)
2.2 seasons 9-10 of Stargate SG-1 [aka Stargate SG-1.2, commanded by a near-stalker fanboy and joined by with action-hero almost!Dyke, who is only saved by being called just that by her obsession with the entitity of the male population between the ages of 18 and 35 (and of course Daniel Jackson, who looks like he somehow aged about 20 years over the past three seasons, started jucing on steriods and somehow slowly grew less mature over time)] - I remember thinking that the viewers were doomed for a lot of needless drama between the two to make up for the lack of plot ideas and RDA. Little did I know they were bringing over half the cast of some obscure sci-fi show no one has ever heard of (*ducks in fear of heavy objects Banshee is bound to throw for that crack* (and I admit, rewatching the show a few years later, they were not really all that bad. That least they recognised that RDA was too cool to replace with just one character.) and weird, evil ancients that took that old nugget "Resistance is futile" and made it their own. (note to self; this little geekbitch can be expanded into a full-blown crazy-person freak-out later if you so desire. If so, be sure to state that you should have never complained about the Ori, because it was nothing in comparison to the new SG show "BattleStargate Voyager" that was thoughtful enough to also include the Lesbians make it okay element) So the writers suprisingly didn't abuse it.
2.3 Speaking of 10.05 - "Uninvited" (WARNING; shamless self-promotion ahead), I remember writing a fic that is in no way related to my rant about Lam behaving like a kid trying to set her parents up that can be found here; http://dp.jaded-paradise.net/fic/stargate/girltime.htm
NOTE: this post says it was up 2 hours before I actually started writing it so that the weareavengers RPG pimp I wrote first is above it. Why? Because if someone is going to read my most recent entry, I'd rather it be that then them be subjected to the weird thought process that is my brain. But if for some reason you still chose to read this first or somehow missed it, it can be found at http://fai-dust.livejournal.com/28599.html . I promise at the very least it will be a lot less insane, even taking into account it's a bunch of people (most of whom I believe are at least in their twenties) pretending to be fictional teens (created by Marvel Comics) in titles such as Young Avengers and New X-Men, both of which even the woman who manages the local comic book store can't get into. And we (why am I saying 'we'? I am the only one writing -and likey the only one to ever see- this) are talking about a woman who chooses to make margenly above minimum even though she has a university digree in art and super personal skills (I happen to know she's been offered way better jobs that don't involve working for the crazy bitch *stop; you will not rant about the fucked-up entity that owns the store. This is already all over the place, has taken over three hours and are already wasting too much time on the endnote when the actual entry is only half-written. Plus, until you understand the laws of what you can get in shit for saying without any proof beyond, like, six witnesses, it will not be mentioned where the stuck-up hellspawn may see, regardless of the fact that the odds of her actually somehow reading this are less then that of me being hired to write for Marvel after being discovered on the RPG.* who owns the place) just because she loves being able to get her comics as soon as the come in (that's code for a day before they're for sale; the stores get them in the day and the store could actually be -and knowing Disney, the owners of Marvel, probably would be- sued for her reading them even a minute before the 12 AM of the next day) and will read almost any comic that comes into the store so she knows what the customes are talking about, including Emily Strange, the manga FAKE, Ninja Turtles and even that weird comic that was about Obama's dog. If this woman won't read YA and NewX, I should probably re-evaluate my own choices.
In case anyone was wondering why there are off-site links in something as non-internet related as this, I'll explane. Links are included because there are some things that whenever I think of them, they are associated with the place the link goes. Special thanks (and a lot of blame) for this goes to the hystaricalness that is Uncyclopedia, a mock Wikipedia that is cool not only for it's entertainment valuse but also 'cause unlike Wikipedia, the information is inaccurate because it's supposed to be, not because people who know a little about a lot and think everything they have hears that made any sort of logical sence to them at one point must be true and everything and everone else is wrong. I know way to many of these jackasses (and anywhere between 70-80% of those I know personally, I am related to) and Wikipedia quite often seems to be a tangable (can digital be called tangable? Fuck it, it doesn't matter) embodyment of it.
And it helps with the sad loss of most of the articals wikifrakr, which I miss more then is probably healthy or sane. But I can justify it (maybe? At least a little?) by pointing to this obsessing post and saying "See? Told you! I WIN!" (Note, if you go to the site, look at the site banner. Stargate fans, you recognise it? It's muppet O'Neill from episode 200. Why is he the figure head for a BSG site? Your guess is is as good as mine, but if you ask, be prepaired to be called Comic Book Guy, because that seems to be how they answer all questions that can't be justified with logic. I'm sure it's insulting, but I'm one of the 5 people in the world who don't watch The Simpsons, so it's just generic media reference number... something, that I let pass rather then worry about not getting it.
.
.
EDIT #1: (3:15 AM, so technacally the next day) Stuck all this under a cut because most of my f-list is here for the fic and it's not fair to take up so much space on their friend page with something so unrelated.
EDIT #2: (all of maybe ten minutes after the first edit) To make sure I'm not going to be tempted change this in any way (given the whole point of it was to document my thoughts as they are), all related thoughts and conclusions I have about it can be found here.