stuff
well, things have been going, well, i guess. school is flying by. i leave for europe in 4 weeks. i am really busy with school and work as always.
emotionally, i have been doing well, and the emotional (anxiety, uncertainty?) that i was feeling after i spoke with carolyn has gone away. unlike the other times when i reverted back to feeling bad/depressed/???, this time, the feelings just gradually drifted away, which i find refreshing and overall a good thing.
one thing that did bother me (i think bother is the word, although it could be concern or something else) was me questioning my friends and questioning some kind of trust just because carolyn said that one of the people that read my journals told her all of those things.... i guess it bothered because i shouldn't have even cared, shouldn't have been concerned, shouldn't have wondered whether one of the people i am close to and care about spoke to carolyn (even though i clearly knew it was a lie when she said it to me). but because i did care, because i continually thought about it, it just made it even more apparent that i have so far to go and so much more to let go... i am not saying that i don't understand why i did what i did. but i am saying it is unfair to my current friends to question them because of something carolyn said. carolyn and i are nothing anymore (and probably will remain nothing forever)... but hey, i still love and care about her, so what can i expect. anyways, things are good. i think about carolyn less (but those thoughts are still ever present, if that makes sense). i am doing well. i will be well...
thanks
rodrigo
emotionally, i have been doing well, and the emotional (anxiety, uncertainty?) that i was feeling after i spoke with carolyn has gone away. unlike the other times when i reverted back to feeling bad/depressed/???, this time, the feelings just gradually drifted away, which i find refreshing and overall a good thing.
one thing that did bother me (i think bother is the word, although it could be concern or something else) was me questioning my friends and questioning some kind of trust just because carolyn said that one of the people that read my journals told her all of those things.... i guess it bothered because i shouldn't have even cared, shouldn't have been concerned, shouldn't have wondered whether one of the people i am close to and care about spoke to carolyn (even though i clearly knew it was a lie when she said it to me). but because i did care, because i continually thought about it, it just made it even more apparent that i have so far to go and so much more to let go... i am not saying that i don't understand why i did what i did. but i am saying it is unfair to my current friends to question them because of something carolyn said. carolyn and i are nothing anymore (and probably will remain nothing forever)... but hey, i still love and care about her, so what can i expect. anyways, things are good. i think about carolyn less (but those thoughts are still ever present, if that makes sense). i am doing well. i will be well...
thanks
rodrigo