well, stuff...
i haven't posted in a while because, well, i haven't felt the need. but now i guess i want to say some stuff.
so, on friday afternoon, nicole calls me and starts interrogating me about whether i had spoken to carolyn... apparently she found out about the things nicole had been telling me regarding her relationship to kyle and so on... and she thought i had talked to her, or one of my friends had emailed her or something... of course nothing had happened on my side, and i was kinda stumped as to how she had learned this information, until we guessed that carolyn must have logged in to my email and read all of the personal emails i have stored there... i don't care at all that she has read those (i don't care what she knows about me), and i am not sure if she was able to log in to my journal and read the private journals, but again that doesn't matter either. i was kind of glad that she had read them, because i wanted her to know how i felt. of course, nicole wasn't too pleased because it definitely put her in a hard spot... carolyn had text messaged her saying that nicole had heartlessly told me things that might make me interpret things in the wrong way (and the whole time i was thinking, yeah, i guess i could have interpreted these things as good :(????) anyways so i explained to nicole that she did nothing wrong telling me these things, and i assumed that she told me because she felt i needed to know them to help me move on and to get some advice or something. it doesn't really matter why she told me, or that she told, but in the end, i grew and moved on because of those things... carolyn never told her to keep these things to herself, so no trust was broken there, just i think that carolyn felt vulnerable with me knowing these recent developments because deep down, she knows that what she is doing is wrong... i feel, and everyone agrees, that she is walking down a horrible path, and i personally think she is destroying her life. but hey, who knows.... as i have said before, i have no hopes or dreams for her future, because i think that everything is possibly lost. i have only wishes now, that she betters her life, figures herself out, moves on and realizes that she is so much better , has so much potential and is such a beautiful person...(inside and outside). i repeated myself over and over to nicole, and said that no matter what happened, things would be ok. if carolyn decided to not be friends over this, things would be all right. she didn't do anything wrong.
anyways, we both needed to go, and she felt a little better but was still really worried about talking to carolyn (understandably so).
later that night, i got two emails, asking me to call nicole so i could help her with something. anyways, she had talked to carolyn, and the only question she really had for nicole was this: why had nicole told me that i may have been carolyn's second choice? i mentioned this in my journal a while back, and i went over this before. when nicole said that, i thought about it a bit, and it did make some sense, specifically referring to the comment kyle had made that "she had liked him ever since they broke up." after thinking about it, i didn't care even if that was true, because i know she loved me, i loved her, and we had great times.. that is all that matters. nicole said that she was thinking along similar lines, and that was why she mentioned it. other than that, apparently carolyn apparently didn't have any problems (other than the fact that nicole and i are talking and becoming friends, i guess just a minor detail :)). life goes on now. carolyn said she would talk to nicole later, and the conversation ended...
carolyn did say someone i know emailed her this stuff, but that makes no sense, because no one i know, except for monica and pati have her email, and they have no motive for it, so i suspect a lie... because no one i know who can read personal entries has any kind of contact or motive...
nicole and i talked for 3.5 hours on friday, with varying topics (mostly life, love, closeness, lies, betrayal...) always coming back somehow to carolyn (circular conversations)... it was really nice, and reminded of conversations carolyn and i had had when she was going out with kyle, and we would be on the phone for hours at a time...
i am really glad to be friends with nicole. she is amazing, wonderful, nice, smart... a truly great friend.
well, i gotta go for now, have to write up a short commentary on a book chapter i am reading, talk soon
rodie
so, on friday afternoon, nicole calls me and starts interrogating me about whether i had spoken to carolyn... apparently she found out about the things nicole had been telling me regarding her relationship to kyle and so on... and she thought i had talked to her, or one of my friends had emailed her or something... of course nothing had happened on my side, and i was kinda stumped as to how she had learned this information, until we guessed that carolyn must have logged in to my email and read all of the personal emails i have stored there... i don't care at all that she has read those (i don't care what she knows about me), and i am not sure if she was able to log in to my journal and read the private journals, but again that doesn't matter either. i was kind of glad that she had read them, because i wanted her to know how i felt. of course, nicole wasn't too pleased because it definitely put her in a hard spot... carolyn had text messaged her saying that nicole had heartlessly told me things that might make me interpret things in the wrong way (and the whole time i was thinking, yeah, i guess i could have interpreted these things as good :(????) anyways so i explained to nicole that she did nothing wrong telling me these things, and i assumed that she told me because she felt i needed to know them to help me move on and to get some advice or something. it doesn't really matter why she told me, or that she told, but in the end, i grew and moved on because of those things... carolyn never told her to keep these things to herself, so no trust was broken there, just i think that carolyn felt vulnerable with me knowing these recent developments because deep down, she knows that what she is doing is wrong... i feel, and everyone agrees, that she is walking down a horrible path, and i personally think she is destroying her life. but hey, who knows.... as i have said before, i have no hopes or dreams for her future, because i think that everything is possibly lost. i have only wishes now, that she betters her life, figures herself out, moves on and realizes that she is so much better , has so much potential and is such a beautiful person...(inside and outside). i repeated myself over and over to nicole, and said that no matter what happened, things would be ok. if carolyn decided to not be friends over this, things would be all right. she didn't do anything wrong.
anyways, we both needed to go, and she felt a little better but was still really worried about talking to carolyn (understandably so).
later that night, i got two emails, asking me to call nicole so i could help her with something. anyways, she had talked to carolyn, and the only question she really had for nicole was this: why had nicole told me that i may have been carolyn's second choice? i mentioned this in my journal a while back, and i went over this before. when nicole said that, i thought about it a bit, and it did make some sense, specifically referring to the comment kyle had made that "she had liked him ever since they broke up." after thinking about it, i didn't care even if that was true, because i know she loved me, i loved her, and we had great times.. that is all that matters. nicole said that she was thinking along similar lines, and that was why she mentioned it. other than that, apparently carolyn apparently didn't have any problems (other than the fact that nicole and i are talking and becoming friends, i guess just a minor detail :)). life goes on now. carolyn said she would talk to nicole later, and the conversation ended...
carolyn did say someone i know emailed her this stuff, but that makes no sense, because no one i know, except for monica and pati have her email, and they have no motive for it, so i suspect a lie... because no one i know who can read personal entries has any kind of contact or motive...
nicole and i talked for 3.5 hours on friday, with varying topics (mostly life, love, closeness, lies, betrayal...) always coming back somehow to carolyn (circular conversations)... it was really nice, and reminded of conversations carolyn and i had had when she was going out with kyle, and we would be on the phone for hours at a time...
i am really glad to be friends with nicole. she is amazing, wonderful, nice, smart... a truly great friend.
well, i gotta go for now, have to write up a short commentary on a book chapter i am reading, talk soon
rodie