Fabulous phone calls - Last Night's new entry
Transcript # 7,398 "Things I could never do when I had the job..."
(Phone rings and our hero absent-mindedly answers) {Footnote: How many really unfortunate stories begin like this? I am guessing 7,398}
Hero: "M...good evening, how may I help you"
Crackpot: "For the love of God, Our shire is falling apart and you have to fix it."
Hero: "First off, God does not love your shire or He'd appoint a sentient person to call for help. Secondly, Who, precisely, do you think you are calling?"
Crackpot: "Huh? GOD did not appoint me, the Save The Shire committee did!! I am calling you because you are the Society Seneschal and have to fix this!"
Hero: "Brilliant. A person who is neither engaged nor empowered to fix something, appointed by zealots attempting to bypass five levels of the chain of command, and incapable of communication. Sah-weeET!"
Crackpot: "Why do you say i cannot communicate?"
Hero: "Well you do not know who you are talking to, do not know how to contact the person you want to be talking to, and haven't contacted the person you SHOULD be talking to. Additionally, we have been on the phone for a full minute without you stating the actually sodding problem."
Crackpot: "Huh?!"
Hero: "Let me help you, darlin... I left office six months ago or so, you should talk to your kingdom and AFTER you talk to your shire officers, (Plays ESPN End of show music on cute gadget the team got me) and (queue announcer voice) I'm afraid Thats all the time we have today folks! Thanks for joining the Busillo list!"
(Sound of phone hanging up)
(Phone rings and our hero absent-mindedly answers) {Footnote: How many really unfortunate stories begin like this? I am guessing 7,398}
Hero: "M...good evening, how may I help you"
Crackpot: "For the love of God, Our shire is falling apart and you have to fix it."
Hero: "First off, God does not love your shire or He'd appoint a sentient person to call for help. Secondly, Who, precisely, do you think you are calling?"
Crackpot: "Huh? GOD did not appoint me, the Save The Shire committee did!! I am calling you because you are the Society Seneschal and have to fix this!"
Hero: "Brilliant. A person who is neither engaged nor empowered to fix something, appointed by zealots attempting to bypass five levels of the chain of command, and incapable of communication. Sah-weeET!"
Crackpot: "Why do you say i cannot communicate?"
Hero: "Well you do not know who you are talking to, do not know how to contact the person you want to be talking to, and haven't contacted the person you SHOULD be talking to. Additionally, we have been on the phone for a full minute without you stating the actually sodding problem."
Crackpot: "Huh?!"
Hero: "Let me help you, darlin... I left office six months ago or so, you should talk to your kingdom and AFTER you talk to your shire officers, (Plays ESPN End of show music on cute gadget the team got me) and (queue announcer voice) I'm afraid Thats all the time we have today folks! Thanks for joining the Busillo list!"
(Sound of phone hanging up)