Finally I can rest.
Very, very interesting weekend.
Thursday wasn't the weekend but regardless, Jon stayed the night and we drank from my parent's HUGE FUCKING STASH OF ALCOHOL. And we went into the hot tub and talked, and eventually we ended up making out and I was all over him the whole night...and I guess I started crying. I'm usually happy on alcohol but we got on the subject of it being hard being gay and I just sort of broke. I have never really thought about it all sober, but really it's been hard. Being 6'1", having red hair, being gay and having your last name start with "Fag" has ensured that I have things pretty hard. I don't like to be dramatic but it just hit me. I don't remember what else happened.
On Friday Sean, Kim, April, Ethan and Jon came over and stayed the night. Alcohol and the hot tub again, I guess I started yelling at Jon because he told Ethan he didn't want to lead me on and I was getting pissed because I thought he figured I was actually that stupid. Blah blah blah passed out.
On Saturday I visited my mom in the hospital...It was really hard. She looks nothing like her healthy self. She's very gaunt and it just...I never wanted to see her like that. She's getting better and will be back soon but it was so hard. I love my mom more than anyone else and just...it made me think about what would happen if I didn't have her, and I just couldn't take that.
Sean's birthday bonfire party thing was later that night, so I went. I talked to Jenny and Kelly for a long time, Kelly is actually incredible. Surprisingly I talked to Evan for a bit, but I was seriously the only person he talked to and for the 2 hours he stayed he was just sitting there texting. Great guy. Brittany came and so I talked a bit with her, I like her a lot. I felt like Jon was avoiding me the whole night and when I confronted him about it he told me he wasn't pissed he just thought the way I acted the night before was pretty obnoxious. I just kind of dropped it for that night. When we came back from our walk the garage was open and Steve, Sean and Brittany were all smoking. So Jon and I got into the rotation and I got pretty high. The night was INCREDIBLE from then on. We went downstairs and watched Mars Attacks, and everyone was laughing so hard at everything. At one part Sean screams at some black girl on the movie "THAT'S THE BITCH FROM THE COSBY SHOW!:" and it clearly wasn't. Then he asked someone to move the TV over a "smidgen". To which I replied that smidgen was the new SI unit of length and we all like died laughing and wrote it on the wall. Then Jon and I made a Magic card out of Sean's pack of nudie playing cards(which were from the 70's, so they were HILARIOUS). We named her Dusty GaZongas.
As for Sunday, it was just Jon and I for the majority of the day. We pretty much moped around his house playing Magic and doing nothing. We eventually left and wandered around for a while. Ended up at April's and talked about how Sunday nights inflict depression even when we don't have school the next day simply because of the way we are conditioned. We went to my house and Ethan and Sean eventually dropped by. We gave in and realized we felt too shitty to be sober so raided the alcohol cabinet for the third time in a few days. Tequila and Bourbon ensured that I was pretty drunk and for a while it was really fun but eventually I got on the topic of Jon and stuff again and things got blah. Whatever, he told me that I have to talk about this to him when he's sober and so I can stop talking about it when I'm drunk so that I will do. At one point after our masochism got the best of us Jon was cutting people. Me the most, but he cut Ethan too deep and Ethan being smart as hell insisted on staying out of the chlorine, which would stop his bleeding. It was so deep that he actually seizured a bit from losing so much blood. He ended up fine but it was certainly an experience.
This morning was incredible. I woke up and we were all passed out in my living room like a frat house. We woke and just laid around talking about stupid things for a while, Hopefully Jon gets on AIM tonight and we can finally discuss this crap. I hate that it does so much to me. =[
Good weekend regardless.
Thursday wasn't the weekend but regardless, Jon stayed the night and we drank from my parent's HUGE FUCKING STASH OF ALCOHOL. And we went into the hot tub and talked, and eventually we ended up making out and I was all over him the whole night...and I guess I started crying. I'm usually happy on alcohol but we got on the subject of it being hard being gay and I just sort of broke. I have never really thought about it all sober, but really it's been hard. Being 6'1", having red hair, being gay and having your last name start with "Fag" has ensured that I have things pretty hard. I don't like to be dramatic but it just hit me. I don't remember what else happened.
On Friday Sean, Kim, April, Ethan and Jon came over and stayed the night. Alcohol and the hot tub again, I guess I started yelling at Jon because he told Ethan he didn't want to lead me on and I was getting pissed because I thought he figured I was actually that stupid. Blah blah blah passed out.
On Saturday I visited my mom in the hospital...It was really hard. She looks nothing like her healthy self. She's very gaunt and it just...I never wanted to see her like that. She's getting better and will be back soon but it was so hard. I love my mom more than anyone else and just...it made me think about what would happen if I didn't have her, and I just couldn't take that.
Sean's birthday bonfire party thing was later that night, so I went. I talked to Jenny and Kelly for a long time, Kelly is actually incredible. Surprisingly I talked to Evan for a bit, but I was seriously the only person he talked to and for the 2 hours he stayed he was just sitting there texting. Great guy. Brittany came and so I talked a bit with her, I like her a lot. I felt like Jon was avoiding me the whole night and when I confronted him about it he told me he wasn't pissed he just thought the way I acted the night before was pretty obnoxious. I just kind of dropped it for that night. When we came back from our walk the garage was open and Steve, Sean and Brittany were all smoking. So Jon and I got into the rotation and I got pretty high. The night was INCREDIBLE from then on. We went downstairs and watched Mars Attacks, and everyone was laughing so hard at everything. At one part Sean screams at some black girl on the movie "THAT'S THE BITCH FROM THE COSBY SHOW!:" and it clearly wasn't. Then he asked someone to move the TV over a "smidgen". To which I replied that smidgen was the new SI unit of length and we all like died laughing and wrote it on the wall. Then Jon and I made a Magic card out of Sean's pack of nudie playing cards(which were from the 70's, so they were HILARIOUS). We named her Dusty GaZongas.
As for Sunday, it was just Jon and I for the majority of the day. We pretty much moped around his house playing Magic and doing nothing. We eventually left and wandered around for a while. Ended up at April's and talked about how Sunday nights inflict depression even when we don't have school the next day simply because of the way we are conditioned. We went to my house and Ethan and Sean eventually dropped by. We gave in and realized we felt too shitty to be sober so raided the alcohol cabinet for the third time in a few days. Tequila and Bourbon ensured that I was pretty drunk and for a while it was really fun but eventually I got on the topic of Jon and stuff again and things got blah. Whatever, he told me that I have to talk about this to him when he's sober and so I can stop talking about it when I'm drunk so that I will do. At one point after our masochism got the best of us Jon was cutting people. Me the most, but he cut Ethan too deep and Ethan being smart as hell insisted on staying out of the chlorine, which would stop his bleeding. It was so deep that he actually seizured a bit from losing so much blood. He ended up fine but it was certainly an experience.
This morning was incredible. I woke up and we were all passed out in my living room like a frat house. We woke and just laid around talking about stupid things for a while, Hopefully Jon gets on AIM tonight and we can finally discuss this crap. I hate that it does so much to me. =[
Good weekend regardless.