(no subject)
Why do I try to hide what I feel? Even when it would help to prove my emotions. I can't own up to the fact that I'm broken. Guilt. I hate it. Why do I do these things over and over again? I don't understand. None of it makes sense. Why do I expect people to understand if I don't myself? I'm so stupid. I always thought this was pointless and made no sense but I haven't done this in so long: I'm stupid. I'm guilty. I'm bratty. I'm a complete asshole. I disgust myself. I don't deserve any of the people in my life right now. I'm so grateful for them but I fail to show it. Therefore, that makes me a failure. I continue to do things that make me hate myself. I'm unstable. I'm a mess. I fail at taking care of others because I cannot handle myself. I continue to tell myself I will change but that never works out. Gee, aren't I good at anything? I sure am! I'm good at making people feel like shit. I'm good at making myself feel like shit. I'm good at breaking things. I'm good at making the truth seem like lies. I'm good at being hypocritical and not being aware of it. I'm good at giving people reasons to cry and loathe themselves and their lives. I'm good at not knowing things. I'm good at knowing things. I'm good at starting confusion. I feel like taking all the real good that I have and giving it to the people I love. I feel like giving it all to people that deserve it. Not me. What the hell? Now if anything I'll get a comment or two telling me to cheer up. Those people telling me that, yeah, they deserve the good too, rather than me. And now that I said that they probably will think twice before commenting. Whatever. I'm sorry. Im sorry that all I am is apologies. I'm sorry that I'm so pathetic. Now that you read this, you probably think even lower of me. Well, good night.