How Not to Answer That Personality Questionaire
'k, I'm not gonna post twice a day all the time, but I came across this in my files (yes, that's right... I save this stuff...) and just had to post it. Call it the thought for the day. Whatever.
Right... I got tired of answering these questionaires everyone keeps sending around. I've gotten this one several times, and it has way too many questions.
This goes along with my "how not to answer" list of questions for a photographer. Anyway, don't take it seriously... just an outburst of frustration...
1. FULL MAIDEN NAME: Lewellen Snotpockets
2. WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING? Oops...
3.WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW: The severe beating of my neighber by his visiting wife. The staff doesn't believe him, but I know...
4. WHAT ARE THE LAST 4 DIGITS OF YOUR PHONE NUMBER? 5309
5. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? The eyeballs of my last vict... er, a balogna sandwich.
6. IF YOU WERE A COLOR IN A SPECTRUM, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Flourescent Black
7. HOW IS THE WEATHER RIGHT NOW? Delicious, especially with a side of cole slaw
8. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? The Powerpuff Girls
9. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX? Whether or not he is alone *Menacing laughter*
10. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT YOU THIS? I'm not allowed to say that anymore, as a condition of my therapy and the restraining order
11. HOW ARE YOU TODAY ? A little to the left
12. FAVORITE DRINK(s)? Imported Norwegan Goat piss
13. FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK? Bloody Mary, (or whatever chick happens to be available)
14. FAVORITE SPORTS? Zebra hunting in Downtown Chicago; Wild Farmer Zit Picking
15. HAIR COLOR? Burned it off last week trying to get someone's car started... I'll never get out of here!
16. EYE COLOR? One blue, one brown.
17. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS: Usually they run away before I can tie them on
18. SIBLINGS AND THEIR AGES: Irving, 33. May God rest his poor, shrunken... soul
19. FAVORITE MONTH? I love to remind my shrink and the nurses here about tax deadlines in April!!
20. FAVORITE FOOD(S)? Roast Chicken Butt, Sauteed eyeba... er, bologna sandwiches...
21.:LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? I decline to answer that question on the grounds that I might incriminate myself.
22. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR? I love the day of my yearly drug test and body cavity search. That proctologist is sooo hot!
23. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT? Dammit, that's why I got arrested in the first place! And I know he's just playing really, really hard to get...
24. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS BETTER? Happy endings are scary!
*shivers and wimpers pitifully*
25. SUMMER OR WINTER? Whenever... as long as I still have my chainsaw and a soundproof garage
26. HUGS OR KISSES? Definitely kisses. The almonds inside the hugs get under my false teeth.
27. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS? Well, APPARENTLY the STATE does!
28. DO YOU WANT YOUR FRIENDS TO WRITE BACK? Lewellen doesn't have any friends
30. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? The local police department usually gets here first. It takes the feds longer 'cause they're from out of town.
31. WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? I've never had the coast guard brought in... hmm... have to try that...
32. LIVING ARRANGEMENTS? Arkham assylum, but they say I can leave as soon as I start to show improvement.
33. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? Dick & Jane at home. I'm allowed to read that.
*tucks "The Anarchist's Cookbook" under mattress*
34. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? All the mice in here are male. They don't wear pads. I bet mouse pads are tiny, though...
*begins searching in corners*
35. FAVORITE BOARD GAME? Not allowed... doc says it'll upset me again
36. WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT? Electroshock therapy... Whoo Whoo Whoopwhoopwhoop... nyuk nyuk nyuk!
37. FAVORITE SMELLS? All I can say is, they're not the ones in here
38. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING? Where am I and who is that strange guy on my floor?
39. FAVORITE VACATION PLACES: Mars. I go there every tuesday.
40. WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE ABOUT YOUR LIFE IF YOU COULD. I wouldn't have gotten that "Redrum" tattoo on my forehead. Very incriminating. And people stare... I hate that.
Right... I got tired of answering these questionaires everyone keeps sending around. I've gotten this one several times, and it has way too many questions.
This goes along with my "how not to answer" list of questions for a photographer. Anyway, don't take it seriously... just an outburst of frustration...
1. FULL MAIDEN NAME: Lewellen Snotpockets
2. WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING? Oops...
3.WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW: The severe beating of my neighber by his visiting wife. The staff doesn't believe him, but I know...
4. WHAT ARE THE LAST 4 DIGITS OF YOUR PHONE NUMBER? 5309
5. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? The eyeballs of my last vict... er, a balogna sandwich.
6. IF YOU WERE A COLOR IN A SPECTRUM, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Flourescent Black
7. HOW IS THE WEATHER RIGHT NOW? Delicious, especially with a side of cole slaw
8. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? The Powerpuff Girls
9. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX? Whether or not he is alone *Menacing laughter*
10. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT YOU THIS? I'm not allowed to say that anymore, as a condition of my therapy and the restraining order
11. HOW ARE YOU TODAY ? A little to the left
12. FAVORITE DRINK(s)? Imported Norwegan Goat piss
13. FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK? Bloody Mary, (or whatever chick happens to be available)
14. FAVORITE SPORTS? Zebra hunting in Downtown Chicago; Wild Farmer Zit Picking
15. HAIR COLOR? Burned it off last week trying to get someone's car started... I'll never get out of here!
16. EYE COLOR? One blue, one brown.
17. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS: Usually they run away before I can tie them on
18. SIBLINGS AND THEIR AGES: Irving, 33. May God rest his poor, shrunken... soul
19. FAVORITE MONTH? I love to remind my shrink and the nurses here about tax deadlines in April!!
20. FAVORITE FOOD(S)? Roast Chicken Butt, Sauteed eyeba... er, bologna sandwiches...
21.:LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? I decline to answer that question on the grounds that I might incriminate myself.
22. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR? I love the day of my yearly drug test and body cavity search. That proctologist is sooo hot!
23. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT? Dammit, that's why I got arrested in the first place! And I know he's just playing really, really hard to get...
24. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS BETTER? Happy endings are scary!
*shivers and wimpers pitifully*
25. SUMMER OR WINTER? Whenever... as long as I still have my chainsaw and a soundproof garage
26. HUGS OR KISSES? Definitely kisses. The almonds inside the hugs get under my false teeth.
27. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS? Well, APPARENTLY the STATE does!
28. DO YOU WANT YOUR FRIENDS TO WRITE BACK? Lewellen doesn't have any friends
30. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? The local police department usually gets here first. It takes the feds longer 'cause they're from out of town.
31. WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? I've never had the coast guard brought in... hmm... have to try that...
32. LIVING ARRANGEMENTS? Arkham assylum, but they say I can leave as soon as I start to show improvement.
33. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? Dick & Jane at home. I'm allowed to read that.
*tucks "The Anarchist's Cookbook" under mattress*
34. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? All the mice in here are male. They don't wear pads. I bet mouse pads are tiny, though...
*begins searching in corners*
35. FAVORITE BOARD GAME? Not allowed... doc says it'll upset me again
36. WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT? Electroshock therapy... Whoo Whoo Whoopwhoopwhoop... nyuk nyuk nyuk!
37. FAVORITE SMELLS? All I can say is, they're not the ones in here
38. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING? Where am I and who is that strange guy on my floor?
39. FAVORITE VACATION PLACES: Mars. I go there every tuesday.
40. WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE ABOUT YOUR LIFE IF YOU COULD. I wouldn't have gotten that "Redrum" tattoo on my forehead. Very incriminating. And people stare... I hate that.