Couch Killer
I don't normally post these up, but...well...I couldn't stop laughing! So here you go. The death of Gameshark's third couch.
(Villain-IC) King Hippo, still yelling, still falling.
(Villain-IC) Albedo Piasora says, "For a while, but I don't think you're giving hippo credit. After all--the universe's response to better idiot-proofing is to build a better idiot."
(O-Villain) Couch Killer King Hippo says, "What did I miss?"
(Villain-IC) Gameshark click click click. "There's NOTHING on, go figure..."
(O-Villain) XVI - The Tower: Gameshark is sitting on the Couch of EVIL Mark III and people are discussing how long it's going to last.
(Villain-IC) King Hippo, yelling, falling, DYOOT DYOOT DYOOT!
(Villain-IC) Gameshark click click click... Bding. Bding. Bding... "... Why is the Hippo Detector going off?"
SUDDENLY from out of the blue, a warp zone opens overhead with purple swirls spidering out from the center of the vortex. It couldn't be. The warp zone noise over Hippo's radio and the appearance of this one are just a coincidence, right? RIGHT?
WRONG! Buahahahahahaha!!! Out drops a certain enormous boxer, stumpy legs kicking wildly, arms windmilling as though it would slow his fall. BAM! Right on one end of the Couch of EVIL. The end Gameshark isn't on.
(Villain-IC) Alessa transmits the unmistakable sound of a helmet being put on.
(Villain-IC) King Hippo crashes.
(Villain-IC) Gameshark bding, bding, bding, bdingbdingbdingbdingbeeeeeeeep... "What the... AAAAAAAAH!" *CRASH SPROING SCREAM CRUNCH*
(Villain-IC) Albedo Piasora says, "--Well, I was closer."
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "Man, that was some fall! I didn't think I'd survive! Good thing this couch was here to break...my...um...uh-oh..."
Physics are not Travis' friend. The couch, being as heavily reinforced and armored as it is, acts as a catapult lever, sending the Dark Gamemaster flying with a scream... And smashes right into the wall.
He groans as he continues to adhere to the wall. "Unnnnnngh... I am in such /exquisite/ pain..."
(Villain-IC) Mother Brain says, "...I would suggest you run, Hippo."
(Villain-IC) Gameshark groans. "Unnnnnngh... I am in such /exquisite/ pain..."
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "What, more running? Aw man, I just got finished FALLING!"
(Villain-IC) Agent 3D0 says, "What happened this time, Travis? Something backfire on you?"
(Villain-IC) Alessa says, "OK, I put Hippo's time in the blubber therapy device at two days."
(Villain-IC) Gameshark says, "Hippo. You have until I peel myself off of this wall to get a head start before I disassemble you."
(Villain-IC) Albedo Piasora says, "Why go that far? Why not bets on how long it's going to take Gameshark to -catch- him?"
King Hippo looks at the couch, and not Gameshark, to see if it's all right. No cracks? No dents? WOO HOO! Not a very comfortable couch, but hey! It survived him falling on it! And despite Gameshark's garbled threats, Hippo helpfully waddles over to grab the back of Travis's collar and forcefully yank him out of the plaster. "HA! You're all right there!"
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "Why would he do that? The couch is fine!"
(Villain-IC) Alessa says, "It is?"
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "So far."
(Villain-IC) Alessa says, "He's going to get all Strider Hiryu on your ass."
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "On my...? I'm not gonna SIT on him."
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "That's what couches are for."
(Villain-IC) Alessa says, "I mean he's going to summon up things to provide him with additional slicing firepower before he cuts you into tiny quivering pieces."
(Villain-IC) Albedo Piasora says, "Hm. And me three warps away from the Fortress."
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "Oh he's okay! A little dusty with plaster, but he looks fine!"
Plaster crumbles as Travis is pulled from the Gameshark-shaped dent, and is turned by the Hippo to face the massive bulk of one of the most inept of Mother Brain's minions. Travis is not pleased. In fact, he doesn't even speak, as he pulls the Justifier from his belt, and fires off a massive blast of energy towards the Hippo's head... Of course, given Travis' luck, he'll probably miss and hit something more worthwhile.
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "AHHHH!!!!"
Gameshark misses King Hippo with his KILL ZEE HIPPO attack.
(Villain-IC) Gameshark emits the sound of a firing Justifier.
(Villain-IC) Mother Brain says, "...I told him to run. See what happens when you don't listen to Mother?"
"AHHHH!!!!" King Hippo yelps, ducking and covering his head. His knees give out with the sudden shock of being fired upon, so yeah, he dodges...and just where does the blast hit? Take a wild guess!
Gameshark strikes Couch of EVIL Mark III with his KILL ZEE HIPPO attack.
Couch of EVIL Mark III has been knocked out and incinerated!
(Villain-IC) Albedo Piasora drawls, "I think this is more a case of rampant idiocy than anything else."
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "I-I-I-I'm ALIVE!"
(Villain-IC) Gameshark transmits the sound of a charcing BFG9000.
(Villain-IC) Gameshark says, "Not for long."
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "...Where'd the couch go?"
(Villain-IC) Alessa says, "He shot the couch?"
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "At least *I* didn't do it!"
(Villain-IC) Gameshark | Somewhere, Sumner laughs. "STUPID CHEATER SHOT THE COUCH!"
(Villain-IC) Alessa says, "Oh, man. This is going to be hard to clean up."
(Villain-IC) Alessa says, "I hope Eggplant will be able to manage it."
(Villain-IC) Doctor Wily says, "...Aqua Man, go clean that up."
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "Well there's not much to clean...just a little charred spot kinda..."
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "Boy I'm glad that didn't hit ME!"
Gameshark drops to the floor, watching Hippo somehow dodge with the luck of the idiot. Travis makes a mental note to find whatever God in Videoland smiles upon the inept and the stupid and slay them.
And then he sees the massive blast ricochet and hit the couch, turning it into a pile of soft, cushiony, Hippo-detecting armored slag.
The Cheater is not pleased. You can even see his face flush with crimson anger as he holsters the Justifier, and punches the Holo-Computer. With a swirl of neon, a BFG9000 manifests in Travis' hands. The stabilising arm is thrown over his arm, and he puches the charger on it. The massive barrel begins to glimmer and glow with building power as he swivels the weapon towards King Hippo. "Run."
(Villain-IC) Gameshark's BFG9000 continues charging. "Run."
(Villain-IC) Albedo Piasora says, "...mhmhmhm..."
(Villain-IC) Alessa calls off-mike, "Filthy assistants! Prepare the camera equipment! This must be recorded for posterity!"
(Villain-IC) King Hippo transmits the pitterpatter of big huge feet.
(Villain-IC) Kuja says, "I must've missed something."
(Villain-IC) Gameshark says, "Hell with Ramirez! We're having roast Hippo tonight!"
(Villain-IC) Gameshark transmits the sound of a chasing Gameshark with a very large gun.
(Villain-IC) Mother Brain transmits the sound of a jar falling over.
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I'M INNOCENT!!!!"
(Villain-IC) Gameshark says, "INNOCENT LIKE A FOX! NOW DIE! *FSHOOM!*"
King Hippo screams and runs. Now that the couch is out of the way, that gives him plenty of space to beat a hasty retreat, doesn't it? BFG's aren't good. BFG9000's are worse. BFG9000's in the hands of a Gameshark means that King Hippo is in for a very bad time. Thumpathumpathumpa go the big huge sneakers as he continuously trips and rolls with Matrix-like dodging abilities. "I DON'T WANNA DIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!"
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "I DON'T WANNA DIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!"
(Villain-IC) Alessa says, "Who does?"
(Villain-IC) Doctor Wily says, "Heh heh heh."
Gameshark unleashes MASSIVE BLASTS OF PLASMATIC ULTRAVIOLENCE towards King Hippo as he flees the angry Travis' presence, vaporizing piles of trash and leaving massive scorchmarks on the Fortress walls (since they are, of course, Wall under the paneling). Resetting the weapon, Travis growls as he chases after King Hippo, firing wildly at the fleeing mass of insanely lucky lard. "HOLD STILL SO I CAN FRY YOU!"
(Villain-IC) Gameshark chasechasechase *FSHOOM* "HOLD STILL SO I CAN FRY YOU!"
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "Oh, ok--wait, NO!"
(Villain-IC) Cervantes De Leon says, "... Do I want to know?"
(Villain-IC) Alex says, "It's... a story that's been in the making since last night, I believe."
King Hippo pauses for the brief moment while Gameshark reloads, luckily enough. "Oh, ok--" He pauses, remembering that being fried is BAD. "Wait, NO!" he changes his mind, and immediately flees again. He barrels right through one of the narrower doors, an explosion of brick and metal flying everywhere. Mayyyyybe resulting in a sort of blockade? Yes? Please?
(Villain-IC) Alessa is, at this point, just laughing in a high-pitched maniacal way.
(Villain-IC) Cervantes De Leon says, "... Oh well. Who cares what's happening? It's free entertainment, and pirates never pass up on free entertainment."
(Villain-IC) Alex finally fails to hold back his own laughter.
Gameshark skids to a halt as the doorway collapses, giving
King Hippo a few valuable seconds to get ahead while Travis taps at his Holo-Computer, a crackling burning aura springing into being as he charges the debir and shouldertackles it, breaking through with a loud crash. "HIPPPPPPPPPPPPPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
(Villain-IC) Gameshark skidstops. Taptaptapfoosh.... chargeSMASH! "HIPPPPPPPPPPPPPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
(Villain-IC) Cervantes De Leon can be heard chugging beer, and laughing out loud occasionally.
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "Gotta run. Gotta hide. *hyperventilates and wheezes*"
King Hippo needs to hide! BADLY! But where?! WHERE?! AH HA! The one place he would be safe! Behind Mother Brain! Because Gameshark wouldn't DARE shoot Mother Brain, would he? ...Nahhhhh. Not until he kills 483 more couches. Give or take. So he cuts a corner not-very-gracefully, scrambling to shift course for Mother Brain's abode.
(Villain-IC) King Bowser says, "The sad part. This is normal for around here
Fortress of Evil - Main Chamber
Well, if anyone had wondered why there had been the sound of a jar falling over? It's because Mother Brain's jar had tipped from all the radio noise, and Momma Brain hitting her great brain forehead against one side of the jar. So right now she's (un)pleasantly snoozing in her Zebetite Jar, on the ground. Ha. She's fallen, and she can't get up!
(Villain-IC) King Bowser says, "There is always disaster waiting to happen when Hippo or Eggplant are around."
Well THAT'S not good! King Hippo ran in here for shelter! And he still does! With a surprisingly agile leap, he vaults over the jar to land behind it, crouching low to quiver and cower. "Save me save me save me!"
BOOM! CRASH! EXPLOSION! CHICKENS! "GET BACK HERE HIPPO! YOU CAN'T RUN FOREVER! YOU'RE TOO FAT TO DO IT!"
Travis launches up the stairs backwash from another BFG9000 blast following him in with a wave of green flames. He doesn't even pause as Hippos hides behind Mother Brain's fallen tank. This fact doesn't really register in his angered mind as he launches forward, landing on top of the tank with a low *tink* as his boots impact the Zebetite surface, and Travis levels the steaming muzzle of the massive BFG9000 towards the cowering Hippo. "Got any last words, lardboy?"
(Villain-IC) Gameshark BOOM! CRASH! EXPLOSION! CHICKENS! "GET BACK HERE HIPPO! YOU CAN'T RUN FOREVER! YOU'RE TOO FAT TO DO IT!"
(Villain-IC) Cervantes De Leon says, "provided, of course, that there's no food around for him to chase."
Guess who decided to make his way into the room? It was Doctor Wily, strolling along the area in a majestic manner. A cane? Psh. He needed no cane. He was as sturdy as a rock as he walked along the path. He made his move up north and he had Enker and Punk walking behind him as if they were Storm Troopers.
The Majestic Mad Scientist made his visit. "..." He saw Travis chasing after King Hippo, then he saw Mother Brain's tank.
...
...
...
The Robot Masters and Wily were slowly turning away from the mess, trying to tip toe away from the matter quickly.
[OOC] Gameshark says, "And thus Wily proves that he is indeed a genius."
[OOC] Doctor Wily says, "Heh heh heh."
Mother Brain's being used as a perch? OH THE HUMANITY! Zebetite barriers were designed to be, well, barriers, but they weren't meant for EVIL Hide'n Go Seek! All the noise does a good job of waking Momma Brain from her crash-induced coma, who finds herself staring at the world sideways.
"..."
Then comes notice that HIppo is behind her downed jar, and Travis is standing on top of her jar.
"........."
"I'M GIVING YOU BOYS TO THE COUNT OF ONE TO GET OFF MY JAR, AND GO OUTSIDE TO KILL EACH OTHER!"
(Villain-IC) Mother Brain says, "I'M GIVING YOU BOYS TO THE COUNT OF ONE TO GET OFF MY JAR, AND GO OUTSIDE TO KILL EACH OTHER!""
(Villain-IC) Gameshark vrrrrrrrr.... "..."
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "I'm not on your jar! Don't kill ME! It was HIS fault!"
(Villain-IC) King Bowser ehehehes
(Villain-IC) Gameshark says, "... Yes Mom."
(Villain-IC) Mewtwo says, "~~ Sounds like things seem going down and down with every passing days. ~~"
King Hippo shivers and quakes, zipclinging to the back of Mother Brain's jar. There's only one way to survive this. And it's an art that he knows well.
The art of brown-nosing.
"Oh beautiful great and powerful Mother Brain! I'm at your service! How about a polishing? Would you like that? I'm ever your humble minion! I'll get you a box of donuts! JUST DON'T LET HIM DESTROY ME!" he pleads.
And as Mother Brain unleashes her mighty command, Travis stops. And looks down. And realizes what he's standing on.
"Ooops. Yes Mom."
Travis immediately hops down, stowing his BFG9000 in whatever non-Euclidean place it rests in, and taps at his Holo-Computer. "Come on, Hippo. We're going outside." A noose of shifting static energy manifests, and he tosses it at the massive beast, trying to grab him so he can drag Hippo out, kicking and screaming if need be.
Good! Mother Brain didn't even need to count! That's how she likes it. To Hippo, the eternal brown-noser, she sighs. "No, Hippo, there's nothing I need right now. I need peace, and quiet. Which I'm not getting with you BEHIND MY JAR! Trust me, there's nothing he can do to you that we can't fix with a week in the regen tubes. Besides, how many times have I told you? NO ROUGHOUSING AROUND MY JAR!"
King Hippo wails tragically as the noose loops about his wrist and starts dragging the massive boxer forward, who weighs ??? pounds. "No! Nonononono! NOOOOOOOOOO!" he whines. "Saaaave me! HELP!!!" His stubby little legs churn and whir, kicking up dust and rocks and chicken noises.
Gameshark doesn't care how much Hippo weighs. He can alter gravity itself if he has to. He waves to Mother Brain, smiling cheerily as he drags King Hippo from the room and out towards the Gates. "Thanks, Mom! Have a nice nap!" Idly, he begins planning what he's going to do to Hippo once he gets the thing outside.
(Villain-IC) Gameshark dragdragdragwhistles.
(Villain-IC) King Hippo whimpers, whines, begs, pleads, yadda yadda yadda.
(Villain-IC) Alessa calls out, "Finish him!"
(Villain-IC) Gameshark dragdragdrag. "There. Ready, Hippo? Now hold still, this is going to hurt you a LOT more than it hurts me..."
(Villain-IC) King Hippo whimpers. "That's what I'm afraid of..."
(Villain-IC) Mother Brain sighs. "And Travis? When you're done with him, be sure he's able enough to lift my jar back to where it belongs..."
(Villain-IC) Gameshark says, "Don't worry. No maiming today."
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "WOO HOO! SUCKERS! I mean, uh...please don't hurt me..."
(Villain-IC) King Bowser says, "No point in teaching him a lesson if he's not alive to remember it."
(Villain-IC) Gameshark *whack* *whack* *whack* *beat* *punch* *smite* *crunch* *pound* *squish* *pain* *bat* *oh the humanity* *boat* *sheep* *fish*...
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"
(Villain-IC) Core Commander says, "Just one boat?"
(Villain-IC) Core Commander says, "Try a battleship."
(Villain-IC) King Bowser says, ".... I just heard a sheep in there. Travis must really be pissed."
(Villain-IC) Gameshark says, "Don't want to waste perfectly good battleships on Hippo."
(Villain-IC) King Hippo dizzily says, "ThaaAaAaAaAnk yooOoOouuuUuuU..."
(Villain-IC) King Bowser says, "What did you do, put the wool over his eyes? Ahahahaha"
(Villain-IC) Gameshark coughs. "Round 2. Fight."
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "AHHHHHHHH!!!!"
(Villain-IC) Gameshark *smite* *thwap* *freight train* *smite* *fan* *brick* *flambe* *crushinate* *poodle* *badger* *lead pipe*
(Villain-IC) King Bowser says, "Oh dear. He uses the Smackdown Express."
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "NOT THE BADG--AHHHHHHHHH!!!"
(Villain-IC) Gameshark says, "And now for the finale."
(Villain-IC) King Bowser says, "What, a badger, but no mushroom?"
(Villain-IC) Core Commander says, "ture why not use a cucco?"
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "No please...so weak..."
(Villain-IC) Gameshark *lift Hippo* *cucco noises* *drop Hippo* *Cucco in pain noises*
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "HOLY FRIJOLES I'M GONNA DIE!!!"
(Villain-IC) Gameshark is brutalizing King Hippo.
(Villain-IC) Core Commander says, "Please do..."
(Villain-IC) Gameshark mis.
(Villain-IC) Gameshark says, "Okay, Pirates. Give Hippo about 10 minutes, then unlock the gates to let him in."
(Villain-IC) King Hippo shrieks over the noise of a cucco crowing. Feathers flutter, cuccos cluck in angry indignation, and King Hippo flees into the horizon swarmed by a flock of Hyrulian Chickens.
(Villain-IC) King Hippo : THE END.
(Villain-IC) Gameshark whistles.
(Villain-IC) Albedo Piasora says, "And thus, status quo is maintained."
(Villain-IC) Albedo Piasora says boredly, "Point to Gameshark for 'death by cucco'."
(Villain-IC) Gameshark says, "I'll be sending up a group of Pirates to help with that, Mom. I don't think Hippo is going to shake those Cuccos for a while."
(Villain-IC) Mother Brain says, "Bah. Nevermind, I got my jar upright on my own."
(Villain-IC) Gameshark says, "Cool."
***
Message: 8/32 Posted Author
Crime and Punishment Mon May 31 Gameshark
---------------------------------------------------------------
[Gameshark Spinny]
"Hippo caused the destruction of the couch of EVIL Mark III less than 5 minutes into service. This was intolerable. Punishment by application of extreme beatings was administered. Ramirez, I let him go so you can track him down and do whatever you plan to do with him. Have fun."
"The (lack of) moral of the story: DON'T MESS WITH MY COUCH."
[Gameshark Spinny]
(Villain-IC) King Hippo, still yelling, still falling.
(Villain-IC) Albedo Piasora says, "For a while, but I don't think you're giving hippo credit. After all--the universe's response to better idiot-proofing is to build a better idiot."
(O-Villain) Couch Killer King Hippo says, "What did I miss?"
(Villain-IC) Gameshark click click click. "There's NOTHING on, go figure..."
(O-Villain) XVI - The Tower: Gameshark is sitting on the Couch of EVIL Mark III and people are discussing how long it's going to last.
(Villain-IC) King Hippo, yelling, falling, DYOOT DYOOT DYOOT!
(Villain-IC) Gameshark click click click... Bding. Bding. Bding... "... Why is the Hippo Detector going off?"
SUDDENLY from out of the blue, a warp zone opens overhead with purple swirls spidering out from the center of the vortex. It couldn't be. The warp zone noise over Hippo's radio and the appearance of this one are just a coincidence, right? RIGHT?
WRONG! Buahahahahahaha!!! Out drops a certain enormous boxer, stumpy legs kicking wildly, arms windmilling as though it would slow his fall. BAM! Right on one end of the Couch of EVIL. The end Gameshark isn't on.
(Villain-IC) Alessa transmits the unmistakable sound of a helmet being put on.
(Villain-IC) King Hippo crashes.
(Villain-IC) Gameshark bding, bding, bding, bdingbdingbdingbdingbeeeeeeeep... "What the... AAAAAAAAH!" *CRASH SPROING SCREAM CRUNCH*
(Villain-IC) Albedo Piasora says, "--Well, I was closer."
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "Man, that was some fall! I didn't think I'd survive! Good thing this couch was here to break...my...um...uh-oh..."
Physics are not Travis' friend. The couch, being as heavily reinforced and armored as it is, acts as a catapult lever, sending the Dark Gamemaster flying with a scream... And smashes right into the wall.
He groans as he continues to adhere to the wall. "Unnnnnngh... I am in such /exquisite/ pain..."
(Villain-IC) Mother Brain says, "...I would suggest you run, Hippo."
(Villain-IC) Gameshark groans. "Unnnnnngh... I am in such /exquisite/ pain..."
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "What, more running? Aw man, I just got finished FALLING!"
(Villain-IC) Agent 3D0 says, "What happened this time, Travis? Something backfire on you?"
(Villain-IC) Alessa says, "OK, I put Hippo's time in the blubber therapy device at two days."
(Villain-IC) Gameshark says, "Hippo. You have until I peel myself off of this wall to get a head start before I disassemble you."
(Villain-IC) Albedo Piasora says, "Why go that far? Why not bets on how long it's going to take Gameshark to -catch- him?"
King Hippo looks at the couch, and not Gameshark, to see if it's all right. No cracks? No dents? WOO HOO! Not a very comfortable couch, but hey! It survived him falling on it! And despite Gameshark's garbled threats, Hippo helpfully waddles over to grab the back of Travis's collar and forcefully yank him out of the plaster. "HA! You're all right there!"
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "Why would he do that? The couch is fine!"
(Villain-IC) Alessa says, "It is?"
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "So far."
(Villain-IC) Alessa says, "He's going to get all Strider Hiryu on your ass."
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "On my...? I'm not gonna SIT on him."
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "That's what couches are for."
(Villain-IC) Alessa says, "I mean he's going to summon up things to provide him with additional slicing firepower before he cuts you into tiny quivering pieces."
(Villain-IC) Albedo Piasora says, "Hm. And me three warps away from the Fortress."
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "Oh he's okay! A little dusty with plaster, but he looks fine!"
Plaster crumbles as Travis is pulled from the Gameshark-shaped dent, and is turned by the Hippo to face the massive bulk of one of the most inept of Mother Brain's minions. Travis is not pleased. In fact, he doesn't even speak, as he pulls the Justifier from his belt, and fires off a massive blast of energy towards the Hippo's head... Of course, given Travis' luck, he'll probably miss and hit something more worthwhile.
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "AHHHH!!!!"
Gameshark misses King Hippo with his KILL ZEE HIPPO attack.
(Villain-IC) Gameshark emits the sound of a firing Justifier.
(Villain-IC) Mother Brain says, "...I told him to run. See what happens when you don't listen to Mother?"
"AHHHH!!!!" King Hippo yelps, ducking and covering his head. His knees give out with the sudden shock of being fired upon, so yeah, he dodges...and just where does the blast hit? Take a wild guess!
Gameshark strikes Couch of EVIL Mark III with his KILL ZEE HIPPO attack.
Couch of EVIL Mark III has been knocked out and incinerated!
(Villain-IC) Albedo Piasora drawls, "I think this is more a case of rampant idiocy than anything else."
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "I-I-I-I'm ALIVE!"
(Villain-IC) Gameshark transmits the sound of a charcing BFG9000.
(Villain-IC) Gameshark says, "Not for long."
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "...Where'd the couch go?"
(Villain-IC) Alessa says, "He shot the couch?"
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "At least *I* didn't do it!"
(Villain-IC) Gameshark | Somewhere, Sumner laughs. "STUPID CHEATER SHOT THE COUCH!"
(Villain-IC) Alessa says, "Oh, man. This is going to be hard to clean up."
(Villain-IC) Alessa says, "I hope Eggplant will be able to manage it."
(Villain-IC) Doctor Wily says, "...Aqua Man, go clean that up."
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "Well there's not much to clean...just a little charred spot kinda..."
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "Boy I'm glad that didn't hit ME!"
Gameshark drops to the floor, watching Hippo somehow dodge with the luck of the idiot. Travis makes a mental note to find whatever God in Videoland smiles upon the inept and the stupid and slay them.
And then he sees the massive blast ricochet and hit the couch, turning it into a pile of soft, cushiony, Hippo-detecting armored slag.
The Cheater is not pleased. You can even see his face flush with crimson anger as he holsters the Justifier, and punches the Holo-Computer. With a swirl of neon, a BFG9000 manifests in Travis' hands. The stabilising arm is thrown over his arm, and he puches the charger on it. The massive barrel begins to glimmer and glow with building power as he swivels the weapon towards King Hippo. "Run."
(Villain-IC) Gameshark's BFG9000 continues charging. "Run."
(Villain-IC) Albedo Piasora says, "...mhmhmhm..."
(Villain-IC) Alessa calls off-mike, "Filthy assistants! Prepare the camera equipment! This must be recorded for posterity!"
(Villain-IC) King Hippo transmits the pitterpatter of big huge feet.
(Villain-IC) Kuja says, "I must've missed something."
(Villain-IC) Gameshark says, "Hell with Ramirez! We're having roast Hippo tonight!"
(Villain-IC) Gameshark transmits the sound of a chasing Gameshark with a very large gun.
(Villain-IC) Mother Brain transmits the sound of a jar falling over.
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I'M INNOCENT!!!!"
(Villain-IC) Gameshark says, "INNOCENT LIKE A FOX! NOW DIE! *FSHOOM!*"
King Hippo screams and runs. Now that the couch is out of the way, that gives him plenty of space to beat a hasty retreat, doesn't it? BFG's aren't good. BFG9000's are worse. BFG9000's in the hands of a Gameshark means that King Hippo is in for a very bad time. Thumpathumpathumpa go the big huge sneakers as he continuously trips and rolls with Matrix-like dodging abilities. "I DON'T WANNA DIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!"
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "I DON'T WANNA DIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!"
(Villain-IC) Alessa says, "Who does?"
(Villain-IC) Doctor Wily says, "Heh heh heh."
Gameshark unleashes MASSIVE BLASTS OF PLASMATIC ULTRAVIOLENCE towards King Hippo as he flees the angry Travis' presence, vaporizing piles of trash and leaving massive scorchmarks on the Fortress walls (since they are, of course, Wall under the paneling). Resetting the weapon, Travis growls as he chases after King Hippo, firing wildly at the fleeing mass of insanely lucky lard. "HOLD STILL SO I CAN FRY YOU!"
(Villain-IC) Gameshark chasechasechase *FSHOOM* "HOLD STILL SO I CAN FRY YOU!"
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "Oh, ok--wait, NO!"
(Villain-IC) Cervantes De Leon says, "... Do I want to know?"
(Villain-IC) Alex says, "It's... a story that's been in the making since last night, I believe."
King Hippo pauses for the brief moment while Gameshark reloads, luckily enough. "Oh, ok--" He pauses, remembering that being fried is BAD. "Wait, NO!" he changes his mind, and immediately flees again. He barrels right through one of the narrower doors, an explosion of brick and metal flying everywhere. Mayyyyybe resulting in a sort of blockade? Yes? Please?
(Villain-IC) Alessa is, at this point, just laughing in a high-pitched maniacal way.
(Villain-IC) Cervantes De Leon says, "... Oh well. Who cares what's happening? It's free entertainment, and pirates never pass up on free entertainment."
(Villain-IC) Alex finally fails to hold back his own laughter.
Gameshark skids to a halt as the doorway collapses, giving
King Hippo a few valuable seconds to get ahead while Travis taps at his Holo-Computer, a crackling burning aura springing into being as he charges the debir and shouldertackles it, breaking through with a loud crash. "HIPPPPPPPPPPPPPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
(Villain-IC) Gameshark skidstops. Taptaptapfoosh.... chargeSMASH! "HIPPPPPPPPPPPPPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
(Villain-IC) Cervantes De Leon can be heard chugging beer, and laughing out loud occasionally.
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "Gotta run. Gotta hide. *hyperventilates and wheezes*"
King Hippo needs to hide! BADLY! But where?! WHERE?! AH HA! The one place he would be safe! Behind Mother Brain! Because Gameshark wouldn't DARE shoot Mother Brain, would he? ...Nahhhhh. Not until he kills 483 more couches. Give or take. So he cuts a corner not-very-gracefully, scrambling to shift course for Mother Brain's abode.
(Villain-IC) King Bowser says, "The sad part. This is normal for around here
Fortress of Evil - Main Chamber
Well, if anyone had wondered why there had been the sound of a jar falling over? It's because Mother Brain's jar had tipped from all the radio noise, and Momma Brain hitting her great brain forehead against one side of the jar. So right now she's (un)pleasantly snoozing in her Zebetite Jar, on the ground. Ha. She's fallen, and she can't get up!
(Villain-IC) King Bowser says, "There is always disaster waiting to happen when Hippo or Eggplant are around."
Well THAT'S not good! King Hippo ran in here for shelter! And he still does! With a surprisingly agile leap, he vaults over the jar to land behind it, crouching low to quiver and cower. "Save me save me save me!"
BOOM! CRASH! EXPLOSION! CHICKENS! "GET BACK HERE HIPPO! YOU CAN'T RUN FOREVER! YOU'RE TOO FAT TO DO IT!"
Travis launches up the stairs backwash from another BFG9000 blast following him in with a wave of green flames. He doesn't even pause as Hippos hides behind Mother Brain's fallen tank. This fact doesn't really register in his angered mind as he launches forward, landing on top of the tank with a low *tink* as his boots impact the Zebetite surface, and Travis levels the steaming muzzle of the massive BFG9000 towards the cowering Hippo. "Got any last words, lardboy?"
(Villain-IC) Gameshark BOOM! CRASH! EXPLOSION! CHICKENS! "GET BACK HERE HIPPO! YOU CAN'T RUN FOREVER! YOU'RE TOO FAT TO DO IT!"
(Villain-IC) Cervantes De Leon says, "provided, of course, that there's no food around for him to chase."
Guess who decided to make his way into the room? It was Doctor Wily, strolling along the area in a majestic manner. A cane? Psh. He needed no cane. He was as sturdy as a rock as he walked along the path. He made his move up north and he had Enker and Punk walking behind him as if they were Storm Troopers.
The Majestic Mad Scientist made his visit. "..." He saw Travis chasing after King Hippo, then he saw Mother Brain's tank.
...
...
...
The Robot Masters and Wily were slowly turning away from the mess, trying to tip toe away from the matter quickly.
[OOC] Gameshark says, "And thus Wily proves that he is indeed a genius."
[OOC] Doctor Wily says, "Heh heh heh."
Mother Brain's being used as a perch? OH THE HUMANITY! Zebetite barriers were designed to be, well, barriers, but they weren't meant for EVIL Hide'n Go Seek! All the noise does a good job of waking Momma Brain from her crash-induced coma, who finds herself staring at the world sideways.
"..."
Then comes notice that HIppo is behind her downed jar, and Travis is standing on top of her jar.
"........."
"I'M GIVING YOU BOYS TO THE COUNT OF ONE TO GET OFF MY JAR, AND GO OUTSIDE TO KILL EACH OTHER!"
(Villain-IC) Mother Brain says, "I'M GIVING YOU BOYS TO THE COUNT OF ONE TO GET OFF MY JAR, AND GO OUTSIDE TO KILL EACH OTHER!""
(Villain-IC) Gameshark vrrrrrrrr.... "..."
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "I'm not on your jar! Don't kill ME! It was HIS fault!"
(Villain-IC) King Bowser ehehehes
(Villain-IC) Gameshark says, "... Yes Mom."
(Villain-IC) Mewtwo says, "~~ Sounds like things seem going down and down with every passing days. ~~"
King Hippo shivers and quakes, zipclinging to the back of Mother Brain's jar. There's only one way to survive this. And it's an art that he knows well.
The art of brown-nosing.
"Oh beautiful great and powerful Mother Brain! I'm at your service! How about a polishing? Would you like that? I'm ever your humble minion! I'll get you a box of donuts! JUST DON'T LET HIM DESTROY ME!" he pleads.
And as Mother Brain unleashes her mighty command, Travis stops. And looks down. And realizes what he's standing on.
"Ooops. Yes Mom."
Travis immediately hops down, stowing his BFG9000 in whatever non-Euclidean place it rests in, and taps at his Holo-Computer. "Come on, Hippo. We're going outside." A noose of shifting static energy manifests, and he tosses it at the massive beast, trying to grab him so he can drag Hippo out, kicking and screaming if need be.
Good! Mother Brain didn't even need to count! That's how she likes it. To Hippo, the eternal brown-noser, she sighs. "No, Hippo, there's nothing I need right now. I need peace, and quiet. Which I'm not getting with you BEHIND MY JAR! Trust me, there's nothing he can do to you that we can't fix with a week in the regen tubes. Besides, how many times have I told you? NO ROUGHOUSING AROUND MY JAR!"
King Hippo wails tragically as the noose loops about his wrist and starts dragging the massive boxer forward, who weighs ??? pounds. "No! Nonononono! NOOOOOOOOOO!" he whines. "Saaaave me! HELP!!!" His stubby little legs churn and whir, kicking up dust and rocks and chicken noises.
Gameshark doesn't care how much Hippo weighs. He can alter gravity itself if he has to. He waves to Mother Brain, smiling cheerily as he drags King Hippo from the room and out towards the Gates. "Thanks, Mom! Have a nice nap!" Idly, he begins planning what he's going to do to Hippo once he gets the thing outside.
(Villain-IC) Gameshark dragdragdragwhistles.
(Villain-IC) King Hippo whimpers, whines, begs, pleads, yadda yadda yadda.
(Villain-IC) Alessa calls out, "Finish him!"
(Villain-IC) Gameshark dragdragdrag. "There. Ready, Hippo? Now hold still, this is going to hurt you a LOT more than it hurts me..."
(Villain-IC) King Hippo whimpers. "That's what I'm afraid of..."
(Villain-IC) Mother Brain sighs. "And Travis? When you're done with him, be sure he's able enough to lift my jar back to where it belongs..."
(Villain-IC) Gameshark says, "Don't worry. No maiming today."
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "WOO HOO! SUCKERS! I mean, uh...please don't hurt me..."
(Villain-IC) King Bowser says, "No point in teaching him a lesson if he's not alive to remember it."
(Villain-IC) Gameshark *whack* *whack* *whack* *beat* *punch* *smite* *crunch* *pound* *squish* *pain* *bat* *oh the humanity* *boat* *sheep* *fish*...
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"
(Villain-IC) Core Commander says, "Just one boat?"
(Villain-IC) Core Commander says, "Try a battleship."
(Villain-IC) King Bowser says, ".... I just heard a sheep in there. Travis must really be pissed."
(Villain-IC) Gameshark says, "Don't want to waste perfectly good battleships on Hippo."
(Villain-IC) King Hippo dizzily says, "ThaaAaAaAaAnk yooOoOouuuUuuU..."
(Villain-IC) King Bowser says, "What did you do, put the wool over his eyes? Ahahahaha"
(Villain-IC) Gameshark coughs. "Round 2. Fight."
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "AHHHHHHHH!!!!"
(Villain-IC) Gameshark *smite* *thwap* *freight train* *smite* *fan* *brick* *flambe* *crushinate* *poodle* *badger* *lead pipe*
(Villain-IC) King Bowser says, "Oh dear. He uses the Smackdown Express."
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "NOT THE BADG--AHHHHHHHHH!!!"
(Villain-IC) Gameshark says, "And now for the finale."
(Villain-IC) King Bowser says, "What, a badger, but no mushroom?"
(Villain-IC) Core Commander says, "ture why not use a cucco?"
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "No please...so weak..."
(Villain-IC) Gameshark *lift Hippo* *cucco noises* *drop Hippo* *Cucco in pain noises*
(Villain-IC) King Hippo says, "HOLY FRIJOLES I'M GONNA DIE!!!"
(Villain-IC) Gameshark is brutalizing King Hippo.
(Villain-IC) Core Commander says, "Please do..."
(Villain-IC) Gameshark mis.
(Villain-IC) Gameshark says, "Okay, Pirates. Give Hippo about 10 minutes, then unlock the gates to let him in."
(Villain-IC) King Hippo shrieks over the noise of a cucco crowing. Feathers flutter, cuccos cluck in angry indignation, and King Hippo flees into the horizon swarmed by a flock of Hyrulian Chickens.
(Villain-IC) King Hippo : THE END.
(Villain-IC) Gameshark whistles.
(Villain-IC) Albedo Piasora says, "And thus, status quo is maintained."
(Villain-IC) Albedo Piasora says boredly, "Point to Gameshark for 'death by cucco'."
(Villain-IC) Gameshark says, "I'll be sending up a group of Pirates to help with that, Mom. I don't think Hippo is going to shake those Cuccos for a while."
(Villain-IC) Mother Brain says, "Bah. Nevermind, I got my jar upright on my own."
(Villain-IC) Gameshark says, "Cool."
***
Message: 8/32 Posted Author
Crime and Punishment Mon May 31 Gameshark
---------------------------------------------------------------
[Gameshark Spinny]
"Hippo caused the destruction of the couch of EVIL Mark III less than 5 minutes into service. This was intolerable. Punishment by application of extreme beatings was administered. Ramirez, I let him go so you can track him down and do whatever you plan to do with him. Have fun."
"The (lack of) moral of the story: DON'T MESS WITH MY COUCH."
[Gameshark Spinny]