Holy woah...
Okay wow,
So I have been thinking a lot about writing more lately - there have been countless thoughts swirling in my mind, but I haven’t been able to get them down or really feel connected to some of the things I used to.
ladyaraia made a Facebook post that inspired me to come back and take a look at my old LiveJournal (thank you!). It is honestly the only conducive journal I have ever kept and I have been thinking while maybe “out of style”, it might nonetheless be a good place for me to get my ideas down and foster more inspiration. When I was writing, I was creating and doing.
I forgot how much I was into graphic design and web design, art, acting, getting involved in communities and it has me feeling nothing less than broken. I have made a promise to myself to rectify the things I have taken away from myself while still trying to embrace the current path I am on.
Anyways, hello friends, it really has been a while and I have missed a great many of you. The extent of the issues going on in my mind that has caused what I like to call the great hermiting of myself and dudelovenext over the past seven or eight years won’t be easily explained, or quickly explained, but I am hoping it will come in time, and honestly can be mostly understood in one descriptive word: depression. The good news is that life is good - it is so very, very good despite the pitfalls.
The big changes:
Stephen lost his job at the end of October. This is taking a lot of tolls, as I started going to school again last spring and am continuing to make tuition payments.
I got a new job and no longer work for Xbox. My heart broke into what felt like a million pieces when I left, but I had to for my own personal health. My job was literally driving me insane (among just being super unstable when I was last posting... oops, sorry for being a whiny bitch back then) and some of the worst experiences of my life occurred in my old job, so I decided to do what was best for me and leave. I feel like I have grown up a lot.
My new job is better. It is more secret, more boring and for now I like it that way. The new role can be summed up as “the girl behind the curtain”. I don’t like the spotlight anyways, so this suits me just fine - I have spent the better part of the last several years keeping my head in the sand while working with very public things, and I would like to keep it that way at least for now.
On the poly front, thing finally stabilized. I have had a wonderful boyfriend for the last two years - a lot has changed socially, but I am hoping to get involved in some of the poly social events in the Seattle area this coming year. I have been really struggling with identifying my sexuality - I have come to terms with it not being what I always thought, but not knowing my comfort zones is becoming annoying even to me.
I will be volunteering at several cons in help grow socially, professionally and creatively. I have missed this kind of things more than anything in my life. Projects, projects, projects. I want to stay excited, involve and contributing this year.
If you are my friend in the Seattle area and I haven’t seen you in a while, I would love to see you or catch up soon. I miss people in the geek community dearly and I can’t wait to be a functioning human again J.
I have so much to say, but say it now I shall not. Sorry for the font mess. Until again.