Need some comments even though no one ever reads me...
Ok, so I received a letter from my daughters fiance, yes, fiance. Well anyway I responded back but before I send it off i just wanted to post it here to get some feedback, not that it will be much since I don't have many people who even read my lj and if they did they haven't a clue who I am. But here it is....
May 12, 2005
Dear Scott,
I as well as you are not quite sure where to begin this letter. First things first though, you and Samantha are going to be parents and the most important thing to us is the health and welfare of our granddaughter. There is nothing that is going to change what has already been done between the two of you. The fact is now you both need to prove that you are the adults that you wanted to be. With that there are a lot of responsibilities that you are both going to incur with the birth of Faith. We will help where we can, but the ultimate responsibility falls to you and Samantha.
While I do believe that you love Samantha, there are some things that will need to be discussed when you are released from Yardsville. I do believe that everyone makes one big mistake in their lives and what you did in the past is your big mistake. Now it’s up to you to prove that it was your last mistake. We don’t want our daughter with someone who is going to keep making the same mistakes over and over again and not learn from them. Please understand this is no reflection of what is going on now, but we do expect not to have to see our daughters husband back and forth behind bars.
As for Mike, there are a lot of things you are going to have to do to prove to him that you have changed and start to earn his respect. This will not happen overnight, so if you truly want to have him walk Samantha down the aisle I would strongly advise holding off on getting married until she has at least gotten a two year college degree. No one is going to stop you from spending time with her or Faith during this time, but I do ask that you allow her to get an education so she has something to fall back on. Whether you believe in your heart that you will be the sole provider has nothing to do with getting an education. Another thing that you really need to do to start gaining his respect is to clean yourself up. While both Michael and I are tattooed, he has a major, major problem with piercing’s (I have had to take a few of mine out to keep him calm), I would advise you to do the same. Think of it as a job interview and prepare accordingly. Personally, I can talk to him until I am blue in the face, he will accept this situation on his terms and his time constraints.
As for losing my daughter, that is not something I want to happen. My concern is the fact that you two plan on getting up and going to South Carolina to live while all your support systems are up here in New Jersey. You can tell me all you want that you might have friends down there and they are going to help you guys out, but you know what, friends aren’t family. Trust me on this one. When you need something at 3 am, your friends aren’t going to come run over to help out. I see it now with some of the people that are supposed to be mutual friends between the two of you. Stork, doesn’t really make the attempt to check on Sam or even truly be a friend to her. I’ve allowed her to stay in contact with him, but it seems she is the one who has to extend the hand of friendship. He has been offered to come over and hang out, but there interests aren’t the same because of the age difference. There is nothing in common other than you between the two of them. As for Annie, there is no contact and there won’t be. I have a hard time with people who take other peoples belongings. Just so you know, all the stuff Sam took with her when she ran away, maybe one-tenth of it was returned. So pretty much little to nothing, if that’s what friends do to you I would hate to see if these same people were enemies. I am sorry if I am dumping this on you while you can’t do much about the situation, but I am pretty angry with some of the people Sam and yourself have chosen to associate with. You will both learn it is better to have a couple of truly good friends than a ton of fair weather friends. You will both learn who you keep close to your heart and who you keep at arms length.
I am not meaning to ramble in this letter and not everything can be expressed in one letter as to how we feel and how we are going to heal. This is going to be a long journey on everyone’s part and if Samantha is truly the love of your life you will have to make some concessions for her well-being as well and work with us. As I stated before no one is going to stop you from seeing Samantha or Faith, but there are some conditions that I will outline below and you will need to tell me if you can comply with them. I will also be talking to Samantha about complying with the same conditions.
1. Sam needs to live home until she has finished high school and her first year of college. That’s a little over two-years and while I know it seems like a long time the only way I can concede on this matter is if she is extremely local and can still attend Brookdale community college. There is a reason for this, Sam is learning disabled and Brookdale has programs to help her get her degree. I am sure your thinking all colleges do, and yes many do, but most aren’t willing to accept learning disabled kids and truly work with them.
2. If you sincerely want her to live with you, than you both have to be able to be on your own and able to afford your own place. Again, I am not trying to be a bitch and keep you two away from each other, but the fact is if you have to live with family than you aren’t ready to live together. If you would like, Samantha and I can check local apartment complexes in the area to see what they cost and what the security deposits are.
3. Don’t plan on having anymore children until after she has finished college and has some work experience under her belt. This has nothing to do with not wanting you both to have more children. This has to do with reality and having been through it. It’s a real bitch going to school trying to seek a college degree in your mid-thirties.
4. Accept the fact it is going to take a while for Mike to even look in your direction and maybe longer for him to even have a conversation with you. It might not be pleasant but his utmost concern is for Samantha and Faith. You need to prove to him that you aren’t going to be like her loser father. You have to remember Mike raised my children while Bill ran off and hid and played games. Bill is a sperm donor, Mike is her father. If you think I jest about the hatred we have for a man who gets up and runs instead of facing his responsibilities, you are wrong. I do not know if you maintain contact with him, but I would advise for Samantha, my daughter Jackie and the healing this relationship needs that his name never be mentioned in this household or brought up around us.
These are some of the things I can think of at this moment. Some can evolve while others fade. Just as you feel this is God’s way for us to start over, I feel it’s the Goddess’s way to teach all involved a very valuable lesson in life, love and happiness. You will find that unlike my husband I am fairly easy going and spiritual as long as my family is not hurt or harmed. Yes, I do come off with a bitchy attitude, but that’s me, I am in your face and people can take it or leave. I don’t hide how I feel and you’ll know if you have pissed me off.
There are just a few more things I would like to touch upon in this letter before I close. The first is I have noticed in a few of your letters some race issues. I for one will never deny that myself nor my husband do not have prejudices, but I have raised my children to take everyone for who they are, not what color their skin is. I expect my granddaughter to be raised in the same light so she may make her own decisions on those she would involve in her life. It is not for parents to burden their children with their idiosyncrasies, children are innocent, allow Faith to be.
The last thing I would like to bring up and this is not the place I would like to bring it up but it must be discussed and that is the monetary issues arising out of this pregnancy. Right now Samantha’s pregnancy is covered under my insurance, or at least whatever my insurance is willing to cover. We are doing what we can on our end, but you guys are the one’s who created this baby and you guys are going to have to be responsible for whatever bills that are incurred over and above what my insurance will cover. We already know that Faith will not be covered from her birth in the hospital until you go back to work and have coverage for yourself and her. Right now Samantha is working and trying to save money for the birth, but she is tired and she is only going to be able to work until possibly the end of August. The amount of money that she will be able to save might be enough for Faith’s well-baby pediatrician visits for her shots after her birth, but will not be able to cover the hospital from her birth to her release.
Well it is getting late and I really do have things to get done around here before I go get some much needed rest. If you would like to respond to this letter feel free. I will send stamps so that I don’t waste the ones that you use to send Samantha mail. Please address the letter to me separately from Samantha’s.
Sincerely,
Rosie
P.S. - Thank you for wishing me a happy mothers day.
May 12, 2005
Dear Scott,
I as well as you are not quite sure where to begin this letter. First things first though, you and Samantha are going to be parents and the most important thing to us is the health and welfare of our granddaughter. There is nothing that is going to change what has already been done between the two of you. The fact is now you both need to prove that you are the adults that you wanted to be. With that there are a lot of responsibilities that you are both going to incur with the birth of Faith. We will help where we can, but the ultimate responsibility falls to you and Samantha.
While I do believe that you love Samantha, there are some things that will need to be discussed when you are released from Yardsville. I do believe that everyone makes one big mistake in their lives and what you did in the past is your big mistake. Now it’s up to you to prove that it was your last mistake. We don’t want our daughter with someone who is going to keep making the same mistakes over and over again and not learn from them. Please understand this is no reflection of what is going on now, but we do expect not to have to see our daughters husband back and forth behind bars.
As for Mike, there are a lot of things you are going to have to do to prove to him that you have changed and start to earn his respect. This will not happen overnight, so if you truly want to have him walk Samantha down the aisle I would strongly advise holding off on getting married until she has at least gotten a two year college degree. No one is going to stop you from spending time with her or Faith during this time, but I do ask that you allow her to get an education so she has something to fall back on. Whether you believe in your heart that you will be the sole provider has nothing to do with getting an education. Another thing that you really need to do to start gaining his respect is to clean yourself up. While both Michael and I are tattooed, he has a major, major problem with piercing’s (I have had to take a few of mine out to keep him calm), I would advise you to do the same. Think of it as a job interview and prepare accordingly. Personally, I can talk to him until I am blue in the face, he will accept this situation on his terms and his time constraints.
As for losing my daughter, that is not something I want to happen. My concern is the fact that you two plan on getting up and going to South Carolina to live while all your support systems are up here in New Jersey. You can tell me all you want that you might have friends down there and they are going to help you guys out, but you know what, friends aren’t family. Trust me on this one. When you need something at 3 am, your friends aren’t going to come run over to help out. I see it now with some of the people that are supposed to be mutual friends between the two of you. Stork, doesn’t really make the attempt to check on Sam or even truly be a friend to her. I’ve allowed her to stay in contact with him, but it seems she is the one who has to extend the hand of friendship. He has been offered to come over and hang out, but there interests aren’t the same because of the age difference. There is nothing in common other than you between the two of them. As for Annie, there is no contact and there won’t be. I have a hard time with people who take other peoples belongings. Just so you know, all the stuff Sam took with her when she ran away, maybe one-tenth of it was returned. So pretty much little to nothing, if that’s what friends do to you I would hate to see if these same people were enemies. I am sorry if I am dumping this on you while you can’t do much about the situation, but I am pretty angry with some of the people Sam and yourself have chosen to associate with. You will both learn it is better to have a couple of truly good friends than a ton of fair weather friends. You will both learn who you keep close to your heart and who you keep at arms length.
I am not meaning to ramble in this letter and not everything can be expressed in one letter as to how we feel and how we are going to heal. This is going to be a long journey on everyone’s part and if Samantha is truly the love of your life you will have to make some concessions for her well-being as well and work with us. As I stated before no one is going to stop you from seeing Samantha or Faith, but there are some conditions that I will outline below and you will need to tell me if you can comply with them. I will also be talking to Samantha about complying with the same conditions.
1. Sam needs to live home until she has finished high school and her first year of college. That’s a little over two-years and while I know it seems like a long time the only way I can concede on this matter is if she is extremely local and can still attend Brookdale community college. There is a reason for this, Sam is learning disabled and Brookdale has programs to help her get her degree. I am sure your thinking all colleges do, and yes many do, but most aren’t willing to accept learning disabled kids and truly work with them.
2. If you sincerely want her to live with you, than you both have to be able to be on your own and able to afford your own place. Again, I am not trying to be a bitch and keep you two away from each other, but the fact is if you have to live with family than you aren’t ready to live together. If you would like, Samantha and I can check local apartment complexes in the area to see what they cost and what the security deposits are.
3. Don’t plan on having anymore children until after she has finished college and has some work experience under her belt. This has nothing to do with not wanting you both to have more children. This has to do with reality and having been through it. It’s a real bitch going to school trying to seek a college degree in your mid-thirties.
4. Accept the fact it is going to take a while for Mike to even look in your direction and maybe longer for him to even have a conversation with you. It might not be pleasant but his utmost concern is for Samantha and Faith. You need to prove to him that you aren’t going to be like her loser father. You have to remember Mike raised my children while Bill ran off and hid and played games. Bill is a sperm donor, Mike is her father. If you think I jest about the hatred we have for a man who gets up and runs instead of facing his responsibilities, you are wrong. I do not know if you maintain contact with him, but I would advise for Samantha, my daughter Jackie and the healing this relationship needs that his name never be mentioned in this household or brought up around us.
These are some of the things I can think of at this moment. Some can evolve while others fade. Just as you feel this is God’s way for us to start over, I feel it’s the Goddess’s way to teach all involved a very valuable lesson in life, love and happiness. You will find that unlike my husband I am fairly easy going and spiritual as long as my family is not hurt or harmed. Yes, I do come off with a bitchy attitude, but that’s me, I am in your face and people can take it or leave. I don’t hide how I feel and you’ll know if you have pissed me off.
There are just a few more things I would like to touch upon in this letter before I close. The first is I have noticed in a few of your letters some race issues. I for one will never deny that myself nor my husband do not have prejudices, but I have raised my children to take everyone for who they are, not what color their skin is. I expect my granddaughter to be raised in the same light so she may make her own decisions on those she would involve in her life. It is not for parents to burden their children with their idiosyncrasies, children are innocent, allow Faith to be.
The last thing I would like to bring up and this is not the place I would like to bring it up but it must be discussed and that is the monetary issues arising out of this pregnancy. Right now Samantha’s pregnancy is covered under my insurance, or at least whatever my insurance is willing to cover. We are doing what we can on our end, but you guys are the one’s who created this baby and you guys are going to have to be responsible for whatever bills that are incurred over and above what my insurance will cover. We already know that Faith will not be covered from her birth in the hospital until you go back to work and have coverage for yourself and her. Right now Samantha is working and trying to save money for the birth, but she is tired and she is only going to be able to work until possibly the end of August. The amount of money that she will be able to save might be enough for Faith’s well-baby pediatrician visits for her shots after her birth, but will not be able to cover the hospital from her birth to her release.
Well it is getting late and I really do have things to get done around here before I go get some much needed rest. If you would like to respond to this letter feel free. I will send stamps so that I don’t waste the ones that you use to send Samantha mail. Please address the letter to me separately from Samantha’s.
Sincerely,
Rosie
P.S. - Thank you for wishing me a happy mothers day.