She hears. But she never listens.
My whole life I've tried so hard to gain her approval. A word of praise or smile from her meant more to me than anything. Yet. What have I receieved? Only criticisms and judgements. I admit I'm not very open to criticisms. But that's because all my life I've heard enough of them. A little encouragement would be nice instead of picking on the times I slipped up. One mistake n you will start putting labels on me again. Who in the world can find the motivation to continue? Perhaps her, and her and her.. But not me. My self esteem and confidence has always been low. How not to when your own mom sees no merit in you. Yes, u did alot for me. So did I. Who helped to defend u when people talked behind ur back? I tried so hard to be a mediator but who sees it? You only see what I have not done. And overlook the things I did. No one is without flaws. U have your own. So do I. Y not try understanding me for once instead of wanting me to be like everyone else instead of myself? I have lost myself in the process of trying to be the daughter you want. You insist you have not placed any expectations on me. But honestly you really think none? True. Most of the stress I have piled on myself is from me. But all I wanted was to gain your approval. And to think I thought family is supposed to be accepting. You can accept ur elder daughter's temper and adapt to it, why can't you try to accept me? I operate better on encouragement than criticism. But you would never see that. to you, I will always be the daughter you worked so hard for, yet never good enough.
What a way to begin my hols.
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.