Letter to the Landlord

[faerylady1956]

Andrew,

I got your check for $500 along with your letter. Thanks for the laugh! I can see you threw this together rashly because you would’ve come up with more believable bull-shit if you had thought about it. 
 

1. Locks and keys for $175? There are only two doors. 
2. The carpet was far from brand new when I moved in. 
3. The place is less than 1000 sq ft. How can you spend $1,800 carpeting it?.

 If I were to calculate charges for costs I incurred due to your lack of performance as a landlord, it would go something like this:

Remember the refrigerator you said you would replace in Aug. of 2005?
     2 vials of insulin lost due to lack of refrigeration              $    80.00
     Fresh food lost due to lack of refrigeration                        $ 150.00
     Crew to shovel drive way, winter 2005                               $  100.00
     My brother’s cost to help me out of ice storm                   $ 100.00
     Cost of Comcast recabling house                                      $ 192.00
     Laundromat costs due to malfunctioning washer           $   50.00
                                                      TOTAL YOU OWE ME:           $ 672.00

But don’t worry. I won’t kick up a fuss. I remember you told me this was ‘the worst year of your career’. I’m just sorry it’s gotten so bad you have to steal.

It may be helpful to give up the coke.

Have a nice life, asshole.