(no subject)
everybody in this house seems to think that i am a robot. they seem to think that i dont need to sleep. my aunt doesn't work but she sure likes to sleep like 14 hours a day. in an argument a few days ago she expressed to me her feelings about watching my daughter while i slept after work. she said that since i am home during the day that i need to take care of my daughter. well, i understand that emmaline is my responsiblity and i dont try and pawn that off on anyone else but shes got emmaline on the schedule of going to sleep at ten at night and shes up usually within an hour of me getting home and she doesn't take naps during the day. this sleep pattern is good for her and bad for me becuase the most continuous sleep that i have had in a couple of weeks is six hours. i took the day off on saturday to help heidi and her husband with their monthly swingers dance. i stayed up all and went shopping for them and then went to the hall and set up and then worked at the dance. without any sleep i finally ended up pretty much crashing at midnight (i had only had three hours of sleep the day before and then i worked) i went out to her van to take a nap and i instructed them to wake me up when they needed me o break down. which they didnt, and proceeded to bitch that i didnt help them out. i was up and continously active for over 36 hours and they expected me to keep going. since saturday i have had a combined ten hours of sleep. i am completey exhausted, and very irritable on top of the depression that i have been dealing with for the last few weeks. i am about to go crazy i cannot stay here much longer. she has talked about me being out of the house before my birthday but i really dont see that happening. to even try and get out of here in time i would have to do something very risky and i don't know if i could handle it if it ended up backfiring on me.
as far as my job in concerned i think that i am walking on thin ice. nobody has really said anything to me but i dont feel that my job is secure. i finally got my car plated and insured so i am trying to find something that i can do part time and that can take over if something happens to my current job.
emmaline is going to be a year old on saturday i feel like a bad mother because i cant buy her anything, and i am not planning some fancy party or anything else. i wish that i could do so much for her but i am having a hard time just affording the basic essentials. its taking longer than i expected to recover from taking that time off.
as far as my job in concerned i think that i am walking on thin ice. nobody has really said anything to me but i dont feel that my job is secure. i finally got my car plated and insured so i am trying to find something that i can do part time and that can take over if something happens to my current job.
emmaline is going to be a year old on saturday i feel like a bad mother because i cant buy her anything, and i am not planning some fancy party or anything else. i wish that i could do so much for her but i am having a hard time just affording the basic essentials. its taking longer than i expected to recover from taking that time off.