Once upon a really bad morning
RECIPE FOR DESTRUCTION
1 tired lesbian
1 large mug of steaming hot coffee
1 bottle of creamer
1 bottle of red wine
scene- kitchen
time- 7:55am
STORY
Like every other morning i woke up, got ready for work and made my way down to the kitchen. Tricia makes me coffee before she leaves for work every morning and I was looking forward to the artificial wake up . I was all ready to go to work. "Shit, showered and shaved" ready to go, as my father says. I got my starbucks mug filled it full of "HOT" coffee and proceeded to open the fridge to get the new creamer we bought "chocolate caramel" YUM! I realized it wasn't open and went back into the fridge to get the other bottle thinking "might as well use the opened on."
"flashback"
... awhile back we had put some things on top of the fridge for space reasons one of those things being a bottle of red wine. Tricia and I have not had a drink in almost 3 months. We decided to quit drinking and that bottle of wine was the only booze left in the house. It was on the counter for weeks awaiting its new home as Tricia's mom's house before i finally but it on top of the fridge to get it out of the way.
As i opened the door to get the opened bottle of creamer, with my head in the fridge and my ass sticking out, the bottle of red wine plummeted off the top of the fridge hitting the opened mug of hot coffee and smashing on the floor. "Slow motion recap" So picture this the bottle falling off the fridge, hitting the coffee mug, the coffee mug then pouring all down my back, ass and leg, then all over the counters, appliances and floor along with red wine everywhere. Not knowing what the fuck just happen and wondering why my body was on fire I didn't even know the coffee had fallen off the counter. I thought i had been cut by the bottle. In complete and utter disbelief at what lay at my feet and all over and around me i looked at the clock and saw that it was 7:55am.
The kitchen looked like something out of a horror movie. It looked like there was a murder. Red liquid everywhere! The carpet stained, the counters and floor stained. Quickly i sopped up the red wine, coffee and glass mess and tried not to cry from the pain. I had to try to clean up as much as possible and get to work by 8:30am. We have an ant issue in the living room just one room over and all i needed was to leave the mess and come home later to a bunch of drunken happy ants having a pool party in my kitchen.
I don't know how i did it and how many laws i broke but i actually got to work by 8:30am. Thank god, or whoever is up there, that i had a 3 hour break that morning so i could come all the way back home to clean up the mess. I had to go to work smelling like coffee and wine but at least my employer gave me the chance to explain LOL. I feel like an ass. What a way to start the day!
I wish i had time to take pictures.
Oh my ass! LOL