lessons on restaurant etiquette from an insider
HARKEN CHILDREN!
today is a lesson from a real restaurant server on how to properly behave at a dining establishment.
Part One: Don't be a douche.
Here we will begin will a simple series of do's and don'ts
do: call ahead to and see if the restaurant you want to go to take reservations if you are a large party
don't: get all pissy when the nice girl on the phone tells you that the restaurant doesn't take reservations. she doesn't make that decision, and even if she did, she doesn't like your tone and doesn't think there should be reservations on tuesday night anyway
do: call ahead to tell the restaurant to expect a large party even if they don't take reservations. we do appreciate the heads-up
don't: bring 10 more people than previously discussed and then bitch when you can't all sit together. WE DON'T TAKE RESERVATIONS!!! you were told twice, maybe even three times. you were warned that it would be a gamble. you chose to gamble. its your fault.
don't: remind your server that you ordered a salad when she is leaving after serving a full tray of salads to everyone else and has just said 'i'll be back with more salads in just moment.'
don't: only order water and not order dessert if you're gonna be a big huge hassle all night long.
don't: sit so close together that Mr. Fantastic wouldn't be able to fit between you and glare when you have to lean over a tiny bit to have your food placed in front of you
don't: ask for the full sodium soy sauce 12 times when your meal isn't even coming anywhere near you for another 20 minutes. YOU'RE ALL GOING TO DIE FROM HEART FAILURE DUE TO HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE. YOUR HEART IS GOING TO EXPLODE WHEN YOU'RE 25!!!
don't: bring a party of 19 and then have 19 seperate checks. you guys blow. bring cash.
don't: think that a $3 tip on a $25 tab is going to impress anyone.
don't: smile at me with your stupid face.
do: try to understand that you are not the only table in the restaurant
don't: bring playing cards and a chess board to dinner.
don't: think that just because you're in the japanese student association and eating at a japanese restaurant you are all in touch with asian culture. i bet there are plenty of japanese kids that like mexican food. go to mexico and eat there with your smug face. you're all white!!
argh. i never, ever, ever do gross things to people's food. but one day, when i have a cold and you jokers come in i'm gonna spit in your free water. you're not going to get sick right away. no, you're gonna go home and make out with your little girlfriend. then she is going to cheat on you and your best friend will get sick, too. then your mom will get sick. then the neighbors goat will get sick.
thats right. your girlfriends are all whores, your best friends are a womanizers, and your moms kiss goats.
today is a lesson from a real restaurant server on how to properly behave at a dining establishment.
Part One: Don't be a douche.
Here we will begin will a simple series of do's and don'ts
do: call ahead to and see if the restaurant you want to go to take reservations if you are a large party
don't: get all pissy when the nice girl on the phone tells you that the restaurant doesn't take reservations. she doesn't make that decision, and even if she did, she doesn't like your tone and doesn't think there should be reservations on tuesday night anyway
do: call ahead to tell the restaurant to expect a large party even if they don't take reservations. we do appreciate the heads-up
don't: bring 10 more people than previously discussed and then bitch when you can't all sit together. WE DON'T TAKE RESERVATIONS!!! you were told twice, maybe even three times. you were warned that it would be a gamble. you chose to gamble. its your fault.
don't: remind your server that you ordered a salad when she is leaving after serving a full tray of salads to everyone else and has just said 'i'll be back with more salads in just moment.'
don't: only order water and not order dessert if you're gonna be a big huge hassle all night long.
don't: sit so close together that Mr. Fantastic wouldn't be able to fit between you and glare when you have to lean over a tiny bit to have your food placed in front of you
don't: ask for the full sodium soy sauce 12 times when your meal isn't even coming anywhere near you for another 20 minutes. YOU'RE ALL GOING TO DIE FROM HEART FAILURE DUE TO HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE. YOUR HEART IS GOING TO EXPLODE WHEN YOU'RE 25!!!
don't: bring a party of 19 and then have 19 seperate checks. you guys blow. bring cash.
don't: think that a $3 tip on a $25 tab is going to impress anyone.
don't: smile at me with your stupid face.
do: try to understand that you are not the only table in the restaurant
don't: bring playing cards and a chess board to dinner.
don't: think that just because you're in the japanese student association and eating at a japanese restaurant you are all in touch with asian culture. i bet there are plenty of japanese kids that like mexican food. go to mexico and eat there with your smug face. you're all white!!
argh. i never, ever, ever do gross things to people's food. but one day, when i have a cold and you jokers come in i'm gonna spit in your free water. you're not going to get sick right away. no, you're gonna go home and make out with your little girlfriend. then she is going to cheat on you and your best friend will get sick, too. then your mom will get sick. then the neighbors goat will get sick.
thats right. your girlfriends are all whores, your best friends are a womanizers, and your moms kiss goats.