Big decisions
People used to tell me that I was a smart girl. Lately I've been wondering if I am hell-bent on proving them wrong. Of leaving my potential unfulfilled. I feel stupid. . . .or rather, not stupid, but like my brain is deteriorating from lack of use. My mind is a tool that is starting to rust over. Maybe I'm just lazy. Maybe I'm unmotivated. . . .or maybe I'm just lacking some sense of direction. Of where I am going. Of what I'm doing. Of what I want to do. I was having this conversation with one of my friends. . . . we both feel like we have all these options in front of us, and in order to start focusing on one of them and actually start moving towards something, we have to actually make that decision and choose which path we want to take. I feel that way a lot. I could really work hard and really get into something. . . .but first I have to decide that that is what I want to commit myself to. And right now, it's as if I am too scared to make that leap. . . .I'm still trying to keep so many options open "just in case" . . . but what's happening is that I can't focus on any of them. And nothing gets my full attention or effort. . . .and everything just feels so pointless
I would like my life to have meaning, please
I've been looking at all of these letters and information packets from places like Harvard, Yale, Dartmouth, NYU. . . . .they are all making me feel quite inadequate. NYU, Emerson, UW, Western, U of Michigan, Carnegie Mellon, Yale, USC. . . . .one of those schools has to accpet me, right? Maybe?
Maybe I just won't go to college
yeah right
I would like my life to have meaning, please
I've been looking at all of these letters and information packets from places like Harvard, Yale, Dartmouth, NYU. . . . .they are all making me feel quite inadequate. NYU, Emerson, UW, Western, U of Michigan, Carnegie Mellon, Yale, USC. . . . .one of those schools has to accpet me, right? Maybe?
Maybe I just won't go to college
yeah right