(no subject)
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I've had a million and one things going thru my mind. Everything is great between me and Joe. It's kinda weird, cuz it seems like ever since we got married, we've been doing better. I don't know why. The only difference now, is that I have a different last name. Maybe it's just knowing that we made the commitment. I was always so worried about that with Joe. He kept saying "Let's just go down to the court house. I don't care how we do it, I just want to get married. We'll have a real wedding later." I was really hesitant about it though. I was engaged before and that didn't work out, so I was kinda scared about getting married. I know that Joe loves me and I love him more than anything, but I just kept thinking...What if this doesn't work out? What will I do then? I was so heartbroken the last time. I just don't ever want to go thru that again. It's kinda fucked up, cuz it was almost like I had gone thru a divorce or something. It took me forever to get over it. I felt so betrayed and hurt. I just up and moved to Madison. I barely even knew Joe, but I couldn't help but trust him. I was just so drawn to him. It was like I was lost in a sea of confusion and heartache, and then there was Joe ready to take me in his arms and tell me it would all be alright. I really feel like he saved me. He's been such a good influence on me. I've really straightened myself out in the few years we've been together. But now, I feel like I've lost all of my friends along the way. I hate that too!!! I miss everybody so much. I've called a few people a couple of times, but they don't call back. I don't live on the south side anymore, so I can't just stop into Pizza Hut at the drop of a hat. Not a single person has tried to call me since we moved up here. It's like everyone has completely forgotten about me. My friend Sumyre that I work with just quit and went to Safeco, which is off campus, so I can't even meet her for lunch. We still talk thru email everyday at work though. Since Sumyre's left, it's brought me and Marta closer. Marta is like my long lost sister. Everytime we are together we're completely retarded!! When people come into the break room at lunch time, they just laugh at us. If me, her and Ashley got together, it would be total chaos!! Maybe I should join some kind of group or club or something just to help me meet some new people. I was thinking about seeing if Ashley and Joe would want to join Cardinal Fitness with me. It's only like $20 a month if you're an IU employee. Sumyre and Chaz joined and it's only $38/month for both of them. That's really not too bad for Joe and I both to be members. Most places cost $40/mo just for one person. They have one down by Southport and Emerson, and there's one right up here on 96th street. That one is like 5 minutes from the house.
Another thing I've been worried about is our money situation. Right now, we are just barely making enough to pay our bills and keep food in the house and gas in the cars. I hate not having any $$ saved up. Joe is like a big kid though. The minute he sees something he wants, he's got to have it. And me, being the softy that I am, we go buy it. I really need to work on that. But, right now we don't have any kids or anything, so why not spoil ourselves, ya know? Still, we need to start putting some $$ back so that we will have it when we need it. We still have a lot of work to do to this house. It's livable and all. We really did a lot to it already, but it's no where near done. I don't think that I want to live here forever either. I'd like to buy a house out in the country. Maybe out in Franklin or Whiteland. The next time we move will be the last time though!! This is the 5th place Joe and I have lived in since we've been together. We lived at Mike's house when I first moved to Madison. Joe was his roommate then. We stayed there about a month and then we got our own place. We rented a little house right down the street from Mike's. When we moved to Indy, we stayed with my mom for a few months. Then we moved into Parc Bordello as Zet used to call it. LOL! Now we're in dad's old house. I like the house we're in now, but the rooms are really small. I wouldn't mind living here when we first have kids, but once they start growing, we'll have to move!!!! I remember how it was when dad and Becky lived here. When Ashley and I came to stay on the weekends, we were all on top of each other. The boys were usually gone, so it wasn't always so bad, but when they were here, there was just no room!!!! I've really been thinking about going to school. Maybe to Ivy Tech for a 2 year program. I was thinking about something to do with computers. I know you can make some decent $$ doing that, plus I'd know about my stupid computer. lol! I thought about maybe going into the medical field, but after working in dermatology, I really don't think so!!!! Maybe if I went for medical coding or something, but nothing as far as the clinical aspect goes!!!! I do have a bit of good news though! They upgraded my position from a CL04 to a CL05. So, now I'm the Senior Medical Records Clerk. I had told Cathy before Sumyre even left that if a registrar position became open and I was passed up for it, that I'd be gone. I don't understand how my position is a level lower than everyone else's, but I have the biggest workload. That's total bullshit, because I get paid less than everyone else, but have more shit to do. The bad part was that I really didn't want to be a registrar. I hate dealing with people. I'm good at it and all, but I still hate it. I told Cathy and Amy that if they made my position a level 5 and gave me more money that I would stay the medical records clerk. That's exactly what they did. I knew they would, cuz they don't want to lose me. Sumyre and I were the best two people they have in the front office. I don't think Margo believed that Sumyre would really leave. I think that's the only reason she didn't fight harder to get her to stay. I don't think Sumyre would have stayed anyways though. She was totally over that place. I'm starting to get that way too, but I've been in worse situations before when I worked at Pizza Slut. Besides, I've only been there for a little over a year. I'm not planning on leaving any time soon unless they really do some shit to piss me off!! I want to learn as much as I possibly can from Derm. Plus, Derm pays more than other departments do, so when I do leave, the next job would have to give me more $$/hr. Who knows I may stay in derm for a long time. I'll definitely retire from IU! I'd be stupid not to. I'm really wanting Joe to get a full time position out there. He finally has insurance now that we're married, but he doesn't have any paid time off or paid holidays or any of that stuff. I started in Derm on July 21st, 2004. I've already had about 2 weeks of vacation time, and I still have vacation time left to take!! I've got about 80 hours of sick time saved up too. Whenever I do get pregnant, and I have to go on maternity leave, I'll have a couple of weeks paid!!! Plus the benefits are dirt cheap!! I was only paying $.70/month for my insurance. Now, that I have to pay for me and Joey it's $20/month. Whenever he gets on full time though, I'll have him get his own ins policy, so we'll both be paying $.70/mo. Plus I'll have retirement and all that. I can't wait until Monday though. That's when I get to discuss my raise. It will be effective as of 10/10/04. I make $10.81 right now. The absolute minimum I'll take is $11.33. I'm really hoping for $11.50 though. I know our budget is really bad, but they've got to do something to make it worth my while!! Another thing I'm excited about is our Xmas party at work. It's on December 4th. It's gonna be at the Raddison downtown in the panoramic ballroom again. It was so much fun last year. The room overlooks the circle, and last year it was snowing so it was so beautiful. There's an open bar all night long. SCORE!!!!!! Plus dinner and live music all night. This year, we are going to get a room though. We didn't last year, cuz we didn't have the $$. It's only $125 for a suite though. It's a formal party too, so we get to be all dressed up and stuff. I'm so excited!!!! Last year's menu was either the Surf and Turf, which Joe and I both got. It was Filet Mignon and 3 giant shrimp, a chicken dish, or Fish. I think the fish was Salmon. I'm gonna get that this year. It's gonna suck not having Sumyre there this year though!! She might come as Kim or Marta's date though, and that would be the shit!!!!!!!!!! Well, I think I've typed enough for one entry. My hands are freezing and I can barely type anymore. I'll try to update more often than I have been. It always seems to make me feel better after I post an entry. I don't really have a lot of friends to confide in, so this really helps, even though it's not an actual person. Until next time.......
Another thing I've been worried about is our money situation. Right now, we are just barely making enough to pay our bills and keep food in the house and gas in the cars. I hate not having any $$ saved up. Joe is like a big kid though. The minute he sees something he wants, he's got to have it. And me, being the softy that I am, we go buy it. I really need to work on that. But, right now we don't have any kids or anything, so why not spoil ourselves, ya know? Still, we need to start putting some $$ back so that we will have it when we need it. We still have a lot of work to do to this house. It's livable and all. We really did a lot to it already, but it's no where near done. I don't think that I want to live here forever either. I'd like to buy a house out in the country. Maybe out in Franklin or Whiteland. The next time we move will be the last time though!! This is the 5th place Joe and I have lived in since we've been together. We lived at Mike's house when I first moved to Madison. Joe was his roommate then. We stayed there about a month and then we got our own place. We rented a little house right down the street from Mike's. When we moved to Indy, we stayed with my mom for a few months. Then we moved into Parc Bordello as Zet used to call it. LOL! Now we're in dad's old house. I like the house we're in now, but the rooms are really small. I wouldn't mind living here when we first have kids, but once they start growing, we'll have to move!!!! I remember how it was when dad and Becky lived here. When Ashley and I came to stay on the weekends, we were all on top of each other. The boys were usually gone, so it wasn't always so bad, but when they were here, there was just no room!!!! I've really been thinking about going to school. Maybe to Ivy Tech for a 2 year program. I was thinking about something to do with computers. I know you can make some decent $$ doing that, plus I'd know about my stupid computer. lol! I thought about maybe going into the medical field, but after working in dermatology, I really don't think so!!!! Maybe if I went for medical coding or something, but nothing as far as the clinical aspect goes!!!! I do have a bit of good news though! They upgraded my position from a CL04 to a CL05. So, now I'm the Senior Medical Records Clerk. I had told Cathy before Sumyre even left that if a registrar position became open and I was passed up for it, that I'd be gone. I don't understand how my position is a level lower than everyone else's, but I have the biggest workload. That's total bullshit, because I get paid less than everyone else, but have more shit to do. The bad part was that I really didn't want to be a registrar. I hate dealing with people. I'm good at it and all, but I still hate it. I told Cathy and Amy that if they made my position a level 5 and gave me more money that I would stay the medical records clerk. That's exactly what they did. I knew they would, cuz they don't want to lose me. Sumyre and I were the best two people they have in the front office. I don't think Margo believed that Sumyre would really leave. I think that's the only reason she didn't fight harder to get her to stay. I don't think Sumyre would have stayed anyways though. She was totally over that place. I'm starting to get that way too, but I've been in worse situations before when I worked at Pizza Slut. Besides, I've only been there for a little over a year. I'm not planning on leaving any time soon unless they really do some shit to piss me off!! I want to learn as much as I possibly can from Derm. Plus, Derm pays more than other departments do, so when I do leave, the next job would have to give me more $$/hr. Who knows I may stay in derm for a long time. I'll definitely retire from IU! I'd be stupid not to. I'm really wanting Joe to get a full time position out there. He finally has insurance now that we're married, but he doesn't have any paid time off or paid holidays or any of that stuff. I started in Derm on July 21st, 2004. I've already had about 2 weeks of vacation time, and I still have vacation time left to take!! I've got about 80 hours of sick time saved up too. Whenever I do get pregnant, and I have to go on maternity leave, I'll have a couple of weeks paid!!! Plus the benefits are dirt cheap!! I was only paying $.70/month for my insurance. Now, that I have to pay for me and Joey it's $20/month. Whenever he gets on full time though, I'll have him get his own ins policy, so we'll both be paying $.70/mo. Plus I'll have retirement and all that. I can't wait until Monday though. That's when I get to discuss my raise. It will be effective as of 10/10/04. I make $10.81 right now. The absolute minimum I'll take is $11.33. I'm really hoping for $11.50 though. I know our budget is really bad, but they've got to do something to make it worth my while!! Another thing I'm excited about is our Xmas party at work. It's on December 4th. It's gonna be at the Raddison downtown in the panoramic ballroom again. It was so much fun last year. The room overlooks the circle, and last year it was snowing so it was so beautiful. There's an open bar all night long. SCORE!!!!!! Plus dinner and live music all night. This year, we are going to get a room though. We didn't last year, cuz we didn't have the $$. It's only $125 for a suite though. It's a formal party too, so we get to be all dressed up and stuff. I'm so excited!!!! Last year's menu was either the Surf and Turf, which Joe and I both got. It was Filet Mignon and 3 giant shrimp, a chicken dish, or Fish. I think the fish was Salmon. I'm gonna get that this year. It's gonna suck not having Sumyre there this year though!! She might come as Kim or Marta's date though, and that would be the shit!!!!!!!!!! Well, I think I've typed enough for one entry. My hands are freezing and I can barely type anymore. I'll try to update more often than I have been. It always seems to make me feel better after I post an entry. I don't really have a lot of friends to confide in, so this really helps, even though it's not an actual person. Until next time.......