And in the Lord's name, Amen.
people turn to religion when their lives lack stability because it's easy to find a sense of stability in something that you can never prove Doesn't exist.
that being said, i attended my first easter church service in probably almost 10 years this morning, took communion for the first time ever, (i think) and while i am not at all what i'd call "converted", i would admit that my life has taken a much more spiritual turn of late.
maybe i'm looking for stability in community/spirituality as much as the next person. it has been lacking in my life considerably, and i'm definitely looking for it in every other cranny of my world.
i see my parents' relationship slowly crumbling, my sister's already-crumbled/marinated mind/liver, my even psuedo-attempts at relationships fail over and over again. and, goddamn, yes, i'm looking for stability. being away at school is slowly killing me, because i'm making myself a nest here, finding a home in a coop that i have no choice but to fly. even if i didn't fly, every thing and body that has made this small world home for me would fly. we're all transitory here; growing out of our down feathers, and crowding each other out of the nest.
my parents keep trying to remind me that no matter what happens between them, i'll always have a loving family to depend on for stability, and no matter where i am in the future, in the world, i'll keep the friends that i've made my home these past few years. somehow i can't find that reassuring yet. i'm still shutting my eyes against the current moment in attempt to shut the impending future out. i can't seem to live just for today.
that being said, i attended my first easter church service in probably almost 10 years this morning, took communion for the first time ever, (i think) and while i am not at all what i'd call "converted", i would admit that my life has taken a much more spiritual turn of late.
maybe i'm looking for stability in community/spirituality as much as the next person. it has been lacking in my life considerably, and i'm definitely looking for it in every other cranny of my world.
i see my parents' relationship slowly crumbling, my sister's already-crumbled/marinated mind/liver, my even psuedo-attempts at relationships fail over and over again. and, goddamn, yes, i'm looking for stability. being away at school is slowly killing me, because i'm making myself a nest here, finding a home in a coop that i have no choice but to fly. even if i didn't fly, every thing and body that has made this small world home for me would fly. we're all transitory here; growing out of our down feathers, and crowding each other out of the nest.
my parents keep trying to remind me that no matter what happens between them, i'll always have a loving family to depend on for stability, and no matter where i am in the future, in the world, i'll keep the friends that i've made my home these past few years. somehow i can't find that reassuring yet. i'm still shutting my eyes against the current moment in attempt to shut the impending future out. i can't seem to live just for today.