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[faeriestear]

i'm in an interesting place right now, and i'm not really sure how to absorb it. i've started to realize for the first time in my life that i'm not meant to just internalize things, and in fact, i do get angry, jealous, frustrated, and i do need to express these emotions. maybe it's being among all these incredibly healthy people at wilson that's

Comments

I felt like destroying something beautiful

[urielx]

I think of that scene in Fight Club where he talks about opening oil tankers on French beaches and shooting Panda's between the eyes while proceeding to destroy someone's face. I've been known to break inanimate objects (or be broken by them) when my frustration has grown too great. It never completely satisfied until after I had slept also, but maybe the sleep wouldn't have helped without. I think that it might be a subconscious rejection to the society and things we have created which defines said society, and living in the society is what gives us our frustrations and neuroses. I'm just saying I understand about the ceramics and eggs, but it probably isn't a healthy way to deal with things seeing as how we still have to live in it and deal with the damage, physical and otherwise, that we cause. Maybe we should just burn all of our things and become mountain hermits, picking berries, drinking from springs, and meditating our days away. Maybe just climb to the top of the mountain and scream our carnal laments, scream them loud enough to crumble Jericho and catch god's ear. Scream loud enough that it echoes back to the big bang and changes some ripple, some vibration, then we wake up kings and queens of some Norwegian tribe, or wake up, more happily, as cockroaches.

Perhaps I don't understand and am wrong about everything, this could be. These were just my first thoughts reading this just after awaking.

anyway, hope you feel better. it was good seeing you for a minute last week. i left the tea outside of your house with a note on it [For Gena V.] i hope it made its way to you. dennis seemed elated that you were its recipient. take care.