(no subject)
Halloween is my favorite holiday. I love giving people things for Christmas, but that holiday invariably comes with a lot of guilt and disappointment, where Halloween doesn't usually come with those strings.
I haven't been able to really celebrate Halloween in college, because I'm usually too busy or poor to be able to do so.
This year it was supposed to be different. I was going to finally start setting up my every-year costume (originally supposed to be a nurse with Scarecrow-like needle-claws). Got closer and that became unfeasible. That's okay, I can make Applejack from My Little Pony with thrift store clothes. I find the perfect hat, but it's too expensive. That's okay, how can I go cheaper? I'll do my hair and clothes with what I already have, and do up my face like a Mexican sugarskull. That takes a dollar's worth of cheap makeup.
I ask Jon about that, and he gives me a nervous look and tells me that we just plain don't have it. That he's sorry he always has to be the one to say no.
Halloween being taken by itself isn't that big of a deal. It's that Halloween feels like my only escape for a long while. Jon's brother is trying to force us out of the house, which would leave his dying mother with no one to take care of her (since Jason's the only other one in the house not working, and he sure isn't going to help). I'm watching his mom's progress in abject terror because I know it's what my mother will be going through come February. Everything's going wrong, everyone's sick, everyone's dying, and....at what point am I supposed to break? I'm already past the point of cutting myself. I've gotten apathetic to the relief even that little bit of pain causes. I think about suicide occassionally, but I have other things that need to be done first, so I don't get around to it. What else am I supposed to do?
I just wanted to have a Halloween...
I haven't been able to really celebrate Halloween in college, because I'm usually too busy or poor to be able to do so.
This year it was supposed to be different. I was going to finally start setting up my every-year costume (originally supposed to be a nurse with Scarecrow-like needle-claws). Got closer and that became unfeasible. That's okay, I can make Applejack from My Little Pony with thrift store clothes. I find the perfect hat, but it's too expensive. That's okay, how can I go cheaper? I'll do my hair and clothes with what I already have, and do up my face like a Mexican sugarskull. That takes a dollar's worth of cheap makeup.
I ask Jon about that, and he gives me a nervous look and tells me that we just plain don't have it. That he's sorry he always has to be the one to say no.
Halloween being taken by itself isn't that big of a deal. It's that Halloween feels like my only escape for a long while. Jon's brother is trying to force us out of the house, which would leave his dying mother with no one to take care of her (since Jason's the only other one in the house not working, and he sure isn't going to help). I'm watching his mom's progress in abject terror because I know it's what my mother will be going through come February. Everything's going wrong, everyone's sick, everyone's dying, and....at what point am I supposed to break? I'm already past the point of cutting myself. I've gotten apathetic to the relief even that little bit of pain causes. I think about suicide occassionally, but I have other things that need to be done first, so I don't get around to it. What else am I supposed to do?
I just wanted to have a Halloween...