go easy little doves
So, the relations are off home after quite a pleasant visit, and I'm cosied up at my desk with peppermint tea and NPR bringing me back to myself. I do hope that this being-misaligned is a thing I will eventually outgrow or mature past, as I did over the last few years with the crippling social anxiety that left me sick to my stomach with social overload after three or four hours with my best friends. As that's almost entirely banished, I do hope that being swung out of my orbit during extended visits with most people also falls by the wayside soon. It is certainly less severe than it once was -- I didn't behave in a vastly different manner, or become much of the overly jocular not-self with the too-loud voice that uncomfortably plagued my adolescence, but I did feel a bit crooked -- ah, my psychology.
(It's probably an ADHD thing, too, because I feel profoundly extra distracted when attempting to entertain guests. It's more difficult to read books, especially new ones, and keep track of the internet.)
Anyway, it was a good visit: there was quite a lot of laughter and discussion and good films and fantastic food courtesy of my mother (who frequently produces memorable dinners, but tends to really go all out for company), and we actually had some Exciting Things to show them, unusual for our often-dull little town: Community Days was on, and actually had some rather excellent free events: a show with big cats on Friday, and a troupe of Chinese acrobats on Saturday night, which was beyond stunning -- amazing show of fluidity and grace as well as incredible strength and power (and I liked that the women also got to be strong and the men also got to be graceful). Plus gorgeous sparkly costumes!
Sunday I did worship at Dad's church and for once wasn't miserable over it -- the two extra, if quiet, voices in the congregation helped (the only non-family attendees were three white-haired ladies), and I sounded rather startlingly incredible, especially as I haven't been able to carry a tune much for several weeks on account of a drawn-out cold. Sunday also contained a fearsome amount of napping.
Yesterday was my cousin's birthday (she's three days ahead of me -- in fact there are four of us cousins all born within a few weeks of each other), and we went to Goodwill (suspenders yay!) and Heidi and I took Aunt Amy and Andrea to Hockman's Candy -- of course -- and I made a chocolate cake with caramel maple icing, which is sinfully delicious if I do say so myself.
It was rather surreal to see my cousin with a child -- in many ways she still looks and seems much the same as she did at fourteen, although she's a bit less flippant and a lot less negative. I'm relieved to see that she seems to be making a fairly decent go at motherhood, though, looking after him and enjoying being around him -- even if she isn't working or going to school much, and I still don't think very highly of her boyfriend at all.
And now to figure out how to celebrate my own birthday. I am thinking about having tea under the apple tree in the yard, if my girls can be persuaded to come, and perhaps do a bit of dancing? Watch a film outside? I don't know. I do wish that there were more lovely places to go around here, but not even the restaurants are particularly birthday-worthy (good food at many; absolutely no atmosphere to make it a treat or a wonder-hour). My magic places are mostly weird little pockets, certain alleyways or groves of trees: not places I can make something Different happen.
(It's probably an ADHD thing, too, because I feel profoundly extra distracted when attempting to entertain guests. It's more difficult to read books, especially new ones, and keep track of the internet.)
Anyway, it was a good visit: there was quite a lot of laughter and discussion and good films and fantastic food courtesy of my mother (who frequently produces memorable dinners, but tends to really go all out for company), and we actually had some Exciting Things to show them, unusual for our often-dull little town: Community Days was on, and actually had some rather excellent free events: a show with big cats on Friday, and a troupe of Chinese acrobats on Saturday night, which was beyond stunning -- amazing show of fluidity and grace as well as incredible strength and power (and I liked that the women also got to be strong and the men also got to be graceful). Plus gorgeous sparkly costumes!
Sunday I did worship at Dad's church and for once wasn't miserable over it -- the two extra, if quiet, voices in the congregation helped (the only non-family attendees were three white-haired ladies), and I sounded rather startlingly incredible, especially as I haven't been able to carry a tune much for several weeks on account of a drawn-out cold. Sunday also contained a fearsome amount of napping.
Yesterday was my cousin's birthday (she's three days ahead of me -- in fact there are four of us cousins all born within a few weeks of each other), and we went to Goodwill (suspenders yay!) and Heidi and I took Aunt Amy and Andrea to Hockman's Candy -- of course -- and I made a chocolate cake with caramel maple icing, which is sinfully delicious if I do say so myself.
It was rather surreal to see my cousin with a child -- in many ways she still looks and seems much the same as she did at fourteen, although she's a bit less flippant and a lot less negative. I'm relieved to see that she seems to be making a fairly decent go at motherhood, though, looking after him and enjoying being around him -- even if she isn't working or going to school much, and I still don't think very highly of her boyfriend at all.
And now to figure out how to celebrate my own birthday. I am thinking about having tea under the apple tree in the yard, if my girls can be persuaded to come, and perhaps do a bit of dancing? Watch a film outside? I don't know. I do wish that there were more lovely places to go around here, but not even the restaurants are particularly birthday-worthy (good food at many; absolutely no atmosphere to make it a treat or a wonder-hour). My magic places are mostly weird little pockets, certain alleyways or groves of trees: not places I can make something Different happen.