(no subject)
the more i question things the more i wish i never did. things are so not alright with me any more.
after one of my best friends died a few weeks ago, and then there is me who questions everything about that and what happend and how it happend and im still asking my self why it happend. i hate when bad things happen to amazing people, still is not fair to me not at all. not one fucking bit.
im a pain i love what i have with mike right now i am enjoying it alot, but im not i want more i want to be the only one who he is with not just someone he is dating. idk i just dont want to bug him about it any more. bc i dont want to push him away..
i think things are getting better between us though. i dont want to lie to him any more so i dont. trying to keep my self healtyh and excersie. i dont know why i braught this journal back maybe just for something to write my thoughts into when im bored. and well im bored.
idk i really cant stop thinking about ted, and how i had to have been the worst friend to him in the world but he thought of me as one of the best. i feel bad for every bad things ive ever said about that boy because he would forgive you for anything. you hurt him and hes like its cool dont worry about it. strong kid amaing kid and now hes not here any more. it pissed me off that on his brithday no one wanted to go see ihim with me and his grilfriend and nicole so it was just us 3 no one else. fucking pissed me off thanks guys. loyal friends at its best, idk i wish he was still around for me to talk to i hate it i do.
it doesnt help that i dont feel like mike wants to be close to me, i asked him were we stood and he said i dont know i want to sit down today and see if we can make things work if not idk i dont want to loose him forever bc he means that much to me but if thats what he wants then ill give it to him.
after one of my best friends died a few weeks ago, and then there is me who questions everything about that and what happend and how it happend and im still asking my self why it happend. i hate when bad things happen to amazing people, still is not fair to me not at all. not one fucking bit.
im a pain i love what i have with mike right now i am enjoying it alot, but im not i want more i want to be the only one who he is with not just someone he is dating. idk i just dont want to bug him about it any more. bc i dont want to push him away..
i think things are getting better between us though. i dont want to lie to him any more so i dont. trying to keep my self healtyh and excersie. i dont know why i braught this journal back maybe just for something to write my thoughts into when im bored. and well im bored.
idk i really cant stop thinking about ted, and how i had to have been the worst friend to him in the world but he thought of me as one of the best. i feel bad for every bad things ive ever said about that boy because he would forgive you for anything. you hurt him and hes like its cool dont worry about it. strong kid amaing kid and now hes not here any more. it pissed me off that on his brithday no one wanted to go see ihim with me and his grilfriend and nicole so it was just us 3 no one else. fucking pissed me off thanks guys. loyal friends at its best, idk i wish he was still around for me to talk to i hate it i do.
it doesnt help that i dont feel like mike wants to be close to me, i asked him were we stood and he said i dont know i want to sit down today and see if we can make things work if not idk i dont want to loose him forever bc he means that much to me but if thats what he wants then ill give it to him.