i miss you
classes start again monday, william and i are going back sunday afternoon. i hope this year is better than last year, academically at least;-) but as long as things are better than the past 2 weeks i'll be thankful...i've never had to deal with so much loss before, or fear or helplessness, not just on my part but from so many other people. i guess i'm not handling it as well as i should and i risk alienating people i care about because i'm wandering around in this fog, but part of the reason i feel like i'm on the verge of a breakdown is because i haven't been paying enough attention to me in the first place, i've been trying to put on a happy face - grin and bear it - and act like everything's fine, until now - i'm just lucky to have a few people who will deal with all of this until i snap out of it. it's just so hard to suck it up and be strong for everyone else, even for myself. being absentminded and aloof is much easier than facing what i'm actually feeling. i can't wait until i can get a good night's sleep without waking up shaking or full of adrenaline from another nightmare. maybe it'll help when i'm busy again and have to go to classes all day.