RE-WIND!
So I realized that many of my North Rockland friends... and others who follow along on my journal and don't get to see me on a regular basis might be a little confused. Who am I with now? What am I doing? What are my plans for the future. Besides random quibbles about running into exes and running into my old disordered behavior, I haven't really updated people on my life. Probably because I was too busy living it...
So yeah, now that I can breathe easy after completing several big papers and a midterm, I think I shall take the time to keep y'all up to date. So gather 'round chillens...
So for the first time since Marcus, I'm not sleeping with more than one person. Not even a couple (which technically is considered sort of one person, because hey, I was sleeping with them both at ONCE) . Nope...
In His words: "She fucked herself out of a good thing". She cheated on Him. And just because I'm still with Him, doesn't make me that girl, the one He upgraded for. He was very loyal to her. I walked away a few times, because I had utmost respect for their relationship. A quote from another blog (written on August 29th) that I frequent more than this one lately:
It seems I'm just a catalyst for problems. T says they weren't ready for poly, now. I saw it, occasionally. The friction I was causing. I can't tell you how many times I tried to leave, how many times me and Him said our goodbyes, only to have her name show up on my caller ID, convincing me to come back.
"We may be having difficulties now, but me and Mick have built a strong relationship, we can survive this"
"If you leave now, three people will be hurt".
Her words.
She says now that she was trying to make Him happy. She would say that He was hurting her in one breath, but use the same voice to ask me to stay when He was getting ready to take me home. When she came back from Pennsic, she wanted to 'put me back in my place' and He assented, to keep her happy. His priority, His focus was her, I told them both I knew that all the time.
She said one thing, felt another.
I had nothing but respect for T/their relationship. It's why I spent many a long nights driving home on that dark and lonely road. It's why, not even a week ago, I was done. Done with it all, I didn't like what I was seeing in terms of the tension between me and t and the mistrust I felt with Sir. I wasn't happy with the way the roles were re-established, and I knew that it was the only way she was comfortable with it continuing, so I left. I was through.
Then I got a call. It was her. Asking me to come back. After I had said my goodbyes to Him. We talked long and we went through much, as we tend to overtalk everything and talk in circles, both of us analyzing our little pieces, speaking from both of our perspectives, helping each other sort out our thoughts (then ultimately blogging about it).
I arrived at this conclusion: I was no longer T/theirs. I would be around, I cared about T/them and it seemed like none of us wanted to let any one of us go completely. I would come around, but of my own accord.
"Y/you both need time to mend Y/your relationship. He needs to focus on you".
That was how W/we'd ended. The next night, T/they broke up.
"So where does that leave U/us, Sir?" I asked Him.
"I don't see any reason why we can't continue".
I saw every reason in the world. And I approached Him with every single one. And W/we've addressed every one.
And oh, have we. I've since committed to this man and wear the symbol of it around my neck. Its beautiful, stainless steel, custom made and imported from Germany, specially for me. And it's locked. The locks are hidden within the collar itself:
He has the key and has only removed it once since I've worn it. Once was enough. It might be a little heavy, but it is no burden to wear. I am extremely proud to wear His collar. This is what i look like with it on:
Ain't it pretty?! So yeah, it's a commitment. One I was ready to make. He is perfect for me. And He calls me Ten, partially because it's the second half of my name, and partially because I'm perfect for Him. I've never had anyone give me what I need at the lengths He does. He gives me the structure and discipline, the stability I crave, while giving me enough room to be myself and have just a little fun. He goes out of His way to provide for me and treats me better than anyone I've ever been with (or worse, depending how you look at it ;P ) He's my Guidance, my Rock, my Strength all wrapped up in the warm, compassionate man who wants to give me the world. What more could a girl ask for?
From my blog when I was first collared:
"I have collared lypiphera, her training and guiding will contunue. she is My 10.
she has stolen My heart, I am in love."
So it reads in my Master's profile and so it is now.
Funny for one, whom not only a year ago, was afraid of even changing my status on a networking site to "in a relationship". Now I've given my entire being over to someone else...
I know what this collar signifies. I have utmost respect for what it is, what He is. And for those who say love has no place in a power exchange relationship, I beg to differ.
Wow. Lookie there... we're in love. And it grows deeper and deeper with every experience... especially PDF... oh PDF. I feel like that needs it's own entry. I will get to it next time I have a moment. For now, I'm going to go hit the weights.
So yeah, now that I can breathe easy after completing several big papers and a midterm, I think I shall take the time to keep y'all up to date. So gather 'round chillens...
So for the first time since Marcus, I'm not sleeping with more than one person. Not even a couple (which technically is considered sort of one person, because hey, I was sleeping with them both at ONCE) . Nope...
In His words: "She fucked herself out of a good thing". She cheated on Him. And just because I'm still with Him, doesn't make me that girl, the one He upgraded for. He was very loyal to her. I walked away a few times, because I had utmost respect for their relationship. A quote from another blog (written on August 29th) that I frequent more than this one lately:
It seems I'm just a catalyst for problems. T says they weren't ready for poly, now. I saw it, occasionally. The friction I was causing. I can't tell you how many times I tried to leave, how many times me and Him said our goodbyes, only to have her name show up on my caller ID, convincing me to come back.
"We may be having difficulties now, but me and Mick have built a strong relationship, we can survive this"
"If you leave now, three people will be hurt".
Her words.
She says now that she was trying to make Him happy. She would say that He was hurting her in one breath, but use the same voice to ask me to stay when He was getting ready to take me home. When she came back from Pennsic, she wanted to 'put me back in my place' and He assented, to keep her happy. His priority, His focus was her, I told them both I knew that all the time.
She said one thing, felt another.
I had nothing but respect for T/their relationship. It's why I spent many a long nights driving home on that dark and lonely road. It's why, not even a week ago, I was done. Done with it all, I didn't like what I was seeing in terms of the tension between me and t and the mistrust I felt with Sir. I wasn't happy with the way the roles were re-established, and I knew that it was the only way she was comfortable with it continuing, so I left. I was through.
Then I got a call. It was her. Asking me to come back. After I had said my goodbyes to Him. We talked long and we went through much, as we tend to overtalk everything and talk in circles, both of us analyzing our little pieces, speaking from both of our perspectives, helping each other sort out our thoughts (then ultimately blogging about it).
I arrived at this conclusion: I was no longer T/theirs. I would be around, I cared about T/them and it seemed like none of us wanted to let any one of us go completely. I would come around, but of my own accord.
"Y/you both need time to mend Y/your relationship. He needs to focus on you".
That was how W/we'd ended. The next night, T/they broke up.
"So where does that leave U/us, Sir?" I asked Him.
"I don't see any reason why we can't continue".
I saw every reason in the world. And I approached Him with every single one. And W/we've addressed every one.
And oh, have we. I've since committed to this man and wear the symbol of it around my neck. Its beautiful, stainless steel, custom made and imported from Germany, specially for me. And it's locked. The locks are hidden within the collar itself:
He has the key and has only removed it once since I've worn it. Once was enough. It might be a little heavy, but it is no burden to wear. I am extremely proud to wear His collar. This is what i look like with it on:
Ain't it pretty?! So yeah, it's a commitment. One I was ready to make. He is perfect for me. And He calls me Ten, partially because it's the second half of my name, and partially because I'm perfect for Him. I've never had anyone give me what I need at the lengths He does. He gives me the structure and discipline, the stability I crave, while giving me enough room to be myself and have just a little fun. He goes out of His way to provide for me and treats me better than anyone I've ever been with (or worse, depending how you look at it ;P ) He's my Guidance, my Rock, my Strength all wrapped up in the warm, compassionate man who wants to give me the world. What more could a girl ask for?
From my blog when I was first collared:
"I have collared lypiphera, her training and guiding will contunue. she is My 10.
she has stolen My heart, I am in love."
So it reads in my Master's profile and so it is now.
Funny for one, whom not only a year ago, was afraid of even changing my status on a networking site to "in a relationship". Now I've given my entire being over to someone else...
I know what this collar signifies. I have utmost respect for what it is, what He is. And for those who say love has no place in a power exchange relationship, I beg to differ.
Wow. Lookie there... we're in love. And it grows deeper and deeper with every experience... especially PDF... oh PDF. I feel like that needs it's own entry. I will get to it next time I have a moment. For now, I'm going to go hit the weights.