Life
So yeah... Change is still happening and still on the horizon... It has been a constant in my life the past year. What an oxymoron Change being a constant. It has been so wonderful looking back over my year and seeing what wonderful things have been happening. It makes me realize that even though I am not quite where I want to be and not quite doing what I want to be doing, that I am on my way. Simple things have been making me smile lately... Like picking up Anja's feet to clean them and having her drop to the ground and roll each time hehe silly girl.
Like new friends.... especially ones that wear silly penguin hats ;)
And riding Becky's Icelandic pony. Who is amazing compared to how he used to behave. Especially getting on and riding bareback... tolting and pacing included, and not even losing balance after being off horses for so long... It felt amazing!
Like going to Solstice celebrations and full moon hikes run by this Catholic nun who I seriously think is a pagan in diguise (the only reason I would have even thought about stepping foot on Catholic grounds). But teachers can be found in the most random places.... She reminds me of Grace in a way..
Like thinking about the perfect gift for my mother for Christmas and seeing her cry when she opened it. And realizing what an absolutely amazing person she is. My mother has the biggest heart of any single person I know....
Like going to my stepsister's house on Christmas Eve and getting the first hug from my brother in about 10 years and actually talking to him about things I thought we just ignored. For example, hearing him say "Yeah it used to gross me out how you were, but now I love it. I think its great." And realizing we have some similar views on religion. Just being there with him and my stepsister and father felt good. It has been awhile...
And like Dar Williams on New Year's Eve. She is incredible. I, being he sa I have become, practically crying when she came out in a red ball gown for her encore with her son padding after her in his pajama feet and singing ba ba black sheep and twinkle twinkle little star with the whole audience. It makes you see through the eyes of a child for a minute and makes me realize that I think I do want one or two someday... just to see their eyes fill with wonder every day..... And for New Year's and the day after in general and the wonderful company that I had. ;)
So those are just some of the few things making me smile lately.... So it does make me wonder sometimes how I can even feel sad like I do on occasion... :) Like tonight a little..... I think it is just being a little frightened by the unknown and the immediate future and the far far future And the fact that I am a big ol' sap based on my last blog and Elaine and I's conversation.... But I think that I am ok with whatever does happen, as much as I may think about it and stress about it in the present and am excited about the process..... if that makes sense. I am talking in riddles maybe just a little :)
Like new friends.... especially ones that wear silly penguin hats ;)
And riding Becky's Icelandic pony. Who is amazing compared to how he used to behave. Especially getting on and riding bareback... tolting and pacing included, and not even losing balance after being off horses for so long... It felt amazing!
Like going to Solstice celebrations and full moon hikes run by this Catholic nun who I seriously think is a pagan in diguise (the only reason I would have even thought about stepping foot on Catholic grounds). But teachers can be found in the most random places.... She reminds me of Grace in a way..
Like thinking about the perfect gift for my mother for Christmas and seeing her cry when she opened it. And realizing what an absolutely amazing person she is. My mother has the biggest heart of any single person I know....
Like going to my stepsister's house on Christmas Eve and getting the first hug from my brother in about 10 years and actually talking to him about things I thought we just ignored. For example, hearing him say "Yeah it used to gross me out how you were, but now I love it. I think its great." And realizing we have some similar views on religion. Just being there with him and my stepsister and father felt good. It has been awhile...
And like Dar Williams on New Year's Eve. She is incredible. I, being he sa I have become, practically crying when she came out in a red ball gown for her encore with her son padding after her in his pajama feet and singing ba ba black sheep and twinkle twinkle little star with the whole audience. It makes you see through the eyes of a child for a minute and makes me realize that I think I do want one or two someday... just to see their eyes fill with wonder every day..... And for New Year's and the day after in general and the wonderful company that I had. ;)
So those are just some of the few things making me smile lately.... So it does make me wonder sometimes how I can even feel sad like I do on occasion... :) Like tonight a little..... I think it is just being a little frightened by the unknown and the immediate future and the far far future And the fact that I am a big ol' sap based on my last blog and Elaine and I's conversation.... But I think that I am ok with whatever does happen, as much as I may think about it and stress about it in the present and am excited about the process..... if that makes sense. I am talking in riddles maybe just a little :)