Fear.

[faeriedandy]

Today I have to give myself my second shot of testosterone (and it's the first one I'll give myself.)

I was supposed to do it Monday, but I ended up having a panic attack and the nurse wasn't very nice and I just left the doctor's office eventually because she wasn't helping and I was tired of the situation. She told me I could do it myself though because i showed her I knew how to prep the needle and she didn't think I was going to do anything wrong with the rest of it. So, that's what I'm planning to do today with the help of a friend who also does T shots (who I am incredibly grateful to.)

I just don't know how I"m going to sustain this though. I know that I have to because this is way too incredibly important to me, but I also know that I am very bad at getting over my fears. Hopefully once I do this a few times it won't be quite as hard, but I don't know, I have a tendency to make things more difficult than they should be.

I guess I am just ranting now to rant about the fact that I can't really deal with this all that well. Here's hoping I succeed eventually though.