Oh gods...
I am feeling incredibly horribly obnoxiously emo right now.
I just wrote something long and depressing about love and self awareness. When I reread, I immediately held the backspace key down until it had all dissapeared. It was too horrible to share. But I still wanted to send a whiny message out into lj land because I am feeling rotten right now and sometimes, that helps.
I hate that something I am causes other people pain. And I hate that there is nothing I can do about it besides try to work through all the problems I inevitably cause. I hate that the world isn't set up to deal with these kinds of issues.
And I am scared because I don't know what is going to happen next. I know that all of this is my own doing, but that doesn't make it easier. Those old 'the world would be better if i just disappeared' thoughts are starting to leak into my mind again. I'll say it again for good measure, I am scared.
I just wrote something long and depressing about love and self awareness. When I reread, I immediately held the backspace key down until it had all dissapeared. It was too horrible to share. But I still wanted to send a whiny message out into lj land because I am feeling rotten right now and sometimes, that helps.
I hate that something I am causes other people pain. And I hate that there is nothing I can do about it besides try to work through all the problems I inevitably cause. I hate that the world isn't set up to deal with these kinds of issues.
And I am scared because I don't know what is going to happen next. I know that all of this is my own doing, but that doesn't make it easier. Those old 'the world would be better if i just disappeared' thoughts are starting to leak into my mind again. I'll say it again for good measure, I am scared.